


One Step Forward, One Step Back (Year 5)

by wildermind54



Series: Their Younger Years [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Relationship(s), Wizards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-04-20 03:43:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 65,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4772210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildermind54/pseuds/wildermind54
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The second installment of Draco/Gwen in their fifth year!<br/>Comment, kudos, and bookmark! xx</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Moonlight Dream

“Now why am I putting on a dress?” Gwen’s voice rang out from her bathroom. 

“Because it’s your birthday and you should look nice,” Adora said from her spot on Gwen’s bed.

Gwen made her way from the bathroom to stare at her mother.

“Why should I look nice, if we’re just going to be eating chicken pot pie and watching movies?” Gwen said skeptically.

“We’re not having chicken pot pie,” Adora said, rising from the bed.

“We’re not?” Gwen said, surprised because they had chicken potpie every year for Gwen’s birthday, “What are we having?”

“A nice surprise meal,” Adora said, winking at her suspicious daughter.

“I don’t like this,” Gwen muttered.

Adora laughed.

“I know, Winny, but finish getting ready. Maybe brush your hair,” Adora said as she came over and kissed Gwen on the forehead.

“Love you,” Adora said.

Gwen smiled slightly, despite her worry.

“Love you more,” She said.

Gwen waited until Adora walked out of the room and the down the stairs to move towards her dressing table. She looked at her reflection. Not much had changed over the summer. She was far tanner from spending the days outside; she had a slight sprinkling of freckles on her olive skin. Her dark hair highlighted by the sun’s UV kiss. She always preferred summer. It wasn’t a weather thing, more so than what summer consisted of. She loved being at home.

The summer had gone just as Gwen hoped it would. The days were filled with long sunrises, good books, bright flowers, and romantic movies to finish off the night. She corresponded with Hermione and Ron all summer, seeing them both a few times.

She slowly brushed through her hair. Her eyes darting to the small arrangement of letters by her window, she had kept all of her letters wrapped together based on person. The largest stack was the Hermione pile, her best friend writing her every day or so since they were moved from the burrow. There were letters from Ginny, who loved to relay all of the secret coming and goings of the group to Gwen, mostly to tell her of all the hilarious jokes the twins have pulled. The pile from Ron was small, but each letter meant a lot.

The second largest pile, all in the now familiar scrawl of Colin. Those were the letters that made Gwen’s heart pump a little faster and looked the most worn out from her repetitious late night readings.

She was meant to see Colin soon. He had told her in his last letter that he wanted to see her for her birthday before they headed back to school. They had seen each other quite a bit since the summer began, and things were progressing rather well between them.

Gwen’s smile faded as she stared at the last pile. Usually one of the largest piles, Harry’s letters remained opened but not responded too. She felt the familiar prickle of guilt and stood up from her dressing table and walked to the letters.

Sitting on the floor, she pulled Harry’s latest letter from the pile and read quietly.

_Gwen,_

_Why haven’t you responded to any of my letters? Why hasn’t anyone responded to any of my letters? You, Hermione, and Ron…where are you? What’s going on? I miss you._

The letter continued from there but Gwen couldn’t finish. She rested her chin on the window pane as she reflected on the meeting that took place at the beginning of the summer.

_“Gwen, someone is here to see you,” Adora shouted from the bottom of the stairs._

_Gwen had been sitting on her bed, reading a novel that Adora insisted she read. She flipped to her stomach and crawled up, curious as to who had come to see her. It could’ve been Hermione or any of the Weasley’s, but Adora would have said so, if that were the case. It might be Colin, but they had only hung out once and while it went great-it would be a bit weird, if he showed up unexpectedly._

_Gwen carefully made her way downstairs, trying to avoid all of the squeaky parts on each stair. She turned and entered the living room, almost lurching backwards when she saw who was sitting on her sofa across from her mother._

_“Professor Dumbledore,” Gwen choked out, feeling astounded and embarrassed._

_“Ms. Easton,” Dumbledore said kindly, nodding his head in her direction as he took another sip of tea._

_Gwen tugged on the edge of her black shorts; suddenly wishing she was wearing her uniform._

_“Please do sit,” Dumbledore said, motioning to the couch, as if she were in his house._

_Gwen walked over and sat on the edge of the sofa, staring at the professor._

_“Want some tea, Winny?” Adora said gently, knowing who was sitting across from her daughter._

_“No thank you,” Gwen said quietly, looking at her mother briefly._

_Adora stood up and smiled._

_“I’ll leave you two to talk,” She said before continuing, “I’ll just be in the kitchen.”_

_Although her face was kind, her voice had a slight edge, but who she was warning Gwen wasn’t sure._

_Dumbledore waiting until the kitchen door swung shut, leaving just the two of them in eerie silence._

_“How are you, Gwen?” Dumbledore said._

_“I’m well. How are you?” Gwen said, sounding a bit automatic._

_“I’m worried I don’t have good news for you,” Dumbledore said._

_Gwen’s anxiety shot up, but she kept her voice steady._

_“What is it?”_

_“I’m sure you’ve already begun to receive letters from your friends,” He said casually, throwing Gwen off._

_“Uhh…yes,” She said slowly._

_Was Dumbledore here to check in on her correspondence?_

_“Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley?” Dumbledore said lightly._

_Gwen suddenly felt very defensive and made no remark. Dumbledore seemed to recognize the obstinacy in her and simply smiled._

_“And Mr. Potter, I’m sure?” He finished._

_“I’m sorry, Professor, what exactly are you asking?” Gwen said, trying to sound polite._

_“I’m not here to ask anything. I’ve come to tell you that you must not respond to the letters,” Dumbledore said._

_“Not respond to the letters? Why?”_

_This was not how she thought this conversation was going to go._

_“Not all the letters, I assure you. Simply Harry’s,” Dumbledore clarified._

_“I can’t respond to Harry’s letters?” Gwen asked._

_“No, for his own safety it’s better that he doesn’t know what takes place this summer,” Dumbledore said._

_“What?” Gwen asked feeling more confused with his every attempt at clarification._

_Dumbledore went on for the next few minutes to explain better._

_“He’ll be very upset,” Gwen, said when Dumbledore finished._

_“Yes, but he’ll be safe,” Dumbledore countered._

_Gwen frowned but she nodded._

_“And I must express you, Ms. Easton, that you too are welcomed to our new location. As a known friend of Harry’s, you are also at risk,” Dumbledore offered._

_Gwen debated for a moment before Dumbledore continued._

_“Of course, as your mother possesses no magic, we could not guarantee a spot for her…considering what she might see,” Dumbledore said, sounding apologetic._

_“I stay with my mother,” Gwen said without a second thought._

_“Very well,” Dumbledore said, as if he expected her to respond the way she did._

_And on that note he left, leaving Gwen confused and staring at the half-finished letter addressed to Harry, before she crumbled it up and threw it away._

“Gwen, food’s ready!” Adora’s voice from downstairs broke Gwen from her thoughts.

“Coming,” Gwen called out, her voice hoarse.

She cleared out her throat and stuffed the letters back where they belonged. Quickly standing and smoothing out her dress, she made her downstairs. She was too preoccupied by thoughts of her friends to notice the silence downstairs, as opposed to the soft crooning of the radio.

“So what are we eating?” She asked, walking into the kitchen only to pause.

There, in the middle of her kitchen, with a crooked party hat and an equally crooked grin stood Colin. He held balloons in one hand and a kazoo in the other. When Gwen walked in he blew into it hard.

“Happy birthday!” He shouted.

Gwen knew she probably looked surprised. Her mouth was slightly ajar as she stared at the tall boy.

She must have been silent for too long because Adora called out her name.

“Gwen,” She said.

“Sorry,” Gwen said quickly, “I’m just…surprised.”

Colin grinned, “That’s the point.”

Gwen laughed and walked towards him.

“Thank you,” She said.

Wrapping her arms around his chest, because his neck was too far for her to reach for every time she tried to hug him.

Colin hugged her back instantly while laughing into her hair.

“So you both thought to sneak around me?” Gwen said, pulling back to look at the grinning Adora.

“I asked your mom a few weeks back, if she didn’t mind if I borrowed you,” Colin explained.

“She usually doesn’t share,” Gwen teased.

“I guess I’m just that special,” Colin said, grinning at her.

“Don’t forget a sweater,” Adora said to Gwen.

“Where are we going?” Gwen asked, looking at Colin.

“It’s a secret,” He said, winking.

Gwen frowned.

“I don’t like surprises.”

“You’ll like this. I’m sure,” Colin said confidently.

Gwen was still frowning but she took the sweater that Adora handed her.

“Home by 11,” Adora said, looking at the two of them.

“Yes, ma’am,” Colin said, saluting.

Gwen shook her head, smiling.

“I’ll be home,” She said.

With a quick kiss to her mother’s cheek, out the door Colin and she headed.

“So we’re walking?” Gwen asked.

“It’s not far from here,” Colin assured.

Gwen raised her eyebrows skeptically.

“I’ve lived here for awhile, Colin,” She said, “There’s not that much around.”

“Don’t ruin the surprise,” He said.

He reached for hand to pull her along. Gwen blushed a little. It wasn’t the first time they held hands, but she always felt nervous.

Their relationship had been steadily moving forward at a slow pace throughout the summer, by her request. Colin had tried to kiss her once, and she pulled away before he could. When she embarrassingly tried to apologize and explain, he was incredibly sweet about it. He just kind of grinned.

_“Sorry, I just couldn’t help but try,” He said sheepishly._

_Gwen covered her face with her hands._

_“I’m sorry,” She muffled through her hands._

_Colin reached forward and gently pried her hands away from her face._

_“Hey,” He said, bringing her eyes to him, “There’s nothing for you to feel sorry for. I’m the one who should apologize. It was dickish of me to think you wanted to kiss without asking.”_

_“No,” Gwen said, “Don’t be sorry. I did want to kiss you. I mean, I still do, but I just…can’t.”_

_She could tell he was confused._

_“Is…there someone else?” He asked before continuing quickly, “It’s okay if there is, I mean, we’re not really dating, I guess.”_

_Gwen felt slightly bruised by the “not-dating” thing even though they had never talked about it._

_“No, there’s no one else,” She insisted, “It’s just me. I’m weird, I guess.”_

_“It’s okay. I like you anyways,” Colin said, grinning again._

_Gwen laughed._

_“Thanks so much.”_

_They sat in silence, Colin still holding her hands as they sat across from each other. Colin played with her limp fingers for a few moments before speaking again._

_“So…if there’s no one else, and you want to kiss me but can’t, and you’re a bit weird, and I like it…would you maybe like to date?” He said._

_“Like boyfriend and girlfriend?” She asked, feeling embarrassed and juvenile._

_Colin smiled with his mouth closed, a clear sign of his nervousness._

_“Yeah, like boyfriend and girlfriend,” He confirmed._

_Gwen sat quietly for a moment._

_“You really want a girlfriend who won’t kiss you?” She asked._

_“I don’t mind if you won’t kiss me yet, as long as you’re not kissing anyone else,” He said._

_“Well then as long as you’re not kissing anyone else, while you’re waiting for me to kiss you,” Gwen argued._

_Colin smiled a bit wider._

_“It’s a deal,” He said, shaking both of her hands in his._

_Gwen laughed._

_“So we’re dating?” She asked._

_“Yes, and whenever you’re ready we can start kissing,” He teased._

_Gwen smacked the top of his head._

Gwen and Colin continued to walk hand-and-hand as they ambled across the field. Gwen knew they were headed towards the lake, but said nothing.

Finally, they made it and Colin turned to Gwen.

“Close your eyes,” He said.

Gwen raised her eyebrows and smiled.

“I know where we are,” She said.

Colin huffed slightly.

“Can you **please** just play along?” He begged.

Gwen grinned but complied with his wishes.

Colin stepped behind her and covered his eyes with his hands to ensure she didn’t look. Gwen heard his breathing and the faint sounds of bugs chirping. She walked a few more steps past a tree when Colin halted, and moved his hands.

“Open your eyes,” He said quietly.

Gwen opened her eyes to what might be the most beautiful picnic she’d ever seen. A large blanket lay a few feet away from the lake, with enchanted candles that lit up all around them and beautifully made up dinner-probably made by one of their mothers.

Tears came to Gwen’s eyes as she continued to stare silently at the scene in front of her.

Colin again, not used to people going so long without reaction, walked in front of her tentatively.

“You like it?” He asked.

Gwen looked up at him, her eyes glittering from the moon, and smiled.

“I love it,” She whispered.

Colin smiled at her, clearly happy.

“Let’s sit,” He offered, leading Gwen to the blanket.

They sat side-by-side and ate their dinner and talking. Gwen was quieter than usual, which meant to say she was very quiet. She felt a bit overwhelmed by the gesture and just wanted to absorb it all.

When they finished their dessert, Colin turned his head and looked at her.

“Happy birthday, Gwen,” He said quietly.

Gwen looked at him and her heart sped up. Her gaze dropped to his lips and when she looked up, Colin looked more serious than she’d ever seen him.

“Can…” He began, “Can I kiss you?”

Gwen, emboldened by the gesture, silently leaned forward and pressed her lips to the stunned Colin. It took him a few seconds to get over his surprise, before he reached up and gently pressed his hand to her cheek, deepening the kiss.

After a few moments they pulled away and Gwen smiled widely. She just had her first kiss.

“Wow,” Colin grinned, “No wonder you needed to take your time.”

He wriggled his eyebrows at her and Gwen laughed, pushing him slightly. He caught her hand, still grinning. He leaned in and pressed another kiss against her lips.

The rest of the night was filled with their laughter and gentle kisses. Gwen felt giddy by the end of the night when Colin walked her home. They stood outside her front door, facing each other and holding hands.

“Thank you, for tonight,” Gwen said.

“It was my pleasure,” He said, leaning down and kissing her once more.

Gwen laughed as one kiss turned to two, but she eventually pulled away and turned the knob to her front door.

“Goodnight,” She said quietly, taking a step inside.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you something.” Colin said.

Gwen paused.

“What?”

Colin quickly stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her once more, deeper than any of the previous times. Gwen’s hands slid off the doorknob and came to rest at his sides.

The kiss lasted until they were both out of breath and Colin pulled away.

“Night,” Colin said slightly breathless, grinning as widely as ever.

“Night,” She said softly.

Gwen smiled as he stepped backwards and she stepped back over the threshold and shut the door behind her. She rested her forehead against the cool wood. With her eyes closed, she played the night over in her head. Sighing, she turned around.

“Looks like you had fun,” An amused voice said.

Gwen’s eyes snapped open as she focused on the person who sat on the foot of her stairs, smirking at her.

“What are you doing here?” She shrieked.


	2. Serious: A History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comment, kudos, and bookmark for more!!

“What are you doing here?” Gwen shrieked.

Gwen stared at the tall ginger boy grinning at her.

“We’ve been sent to get you,” Fred said.

“We?” Gwen asked.

“Oi, Gwenny,” George’s muffled voice called out.

Gwen turned and walked into the kitchen and there was George sitting at her kitchen table, smiling with a face full of sandwich in his mouth.

Gwen looked at her mother, who was standing by the counter.

“What’s going on?” She asked.

“You’re being recruited,” Adora said.

“Recruited?” Gwen asked.

Since the conversation started every word had been a question. Gwen stared confused at the two boys around her.

“The Order thinks it’s best you come to them before the term begins,” Fred said, stepping from behind her.

“The Order?” Gwen said, briefly remembering something from Hermione’s letters that alluded to the same thing.

“I got a letter from a Professor Lupin explaining,” Adora said.

“Oh…kay,” Gwen said slowly.

“Come on, Gwen. I’ll help you pack,” Adora said.

Gwen looked at her mother and followed her.

“Fred, there’s a sandwich on the counter for you too, Fred,” Adora said, pointing.

“Thanks,” Fred said excitingly, joining his twin at the table.

Gwen followed Adora to her bedroom. She stood by the door as Adora pulled out her trunk and began to fill it with the essentials.

“Mom,” Gwen said, feeling nervous, “I don’t want to leave you.”

Adora looked up from her trunk and seeing the look on Gwen’s face came forward and wrapped her in her arms.

“You’ve got big things to accomplish, Guinevere,” Adora said softly on top of her head.

Gwen suddenly felt like crying. Adora only called her Guinevere when she was trying to keep her calm.

“But…” Gwen said.

“Remember why we chose the name Guinevere,” Adora said

Adora pulled back to look at Gwen’s face, seeing the same small, dirt-caked face that she encountered that first day in the orphanage. Finally growing into her large eyes, Gwen’s amber gaze staring worriedly at Adora now.

Even though Gwen knew there was no biological connection between Adora and herself, she always looked for pieces of herself in Adora. Physically, they were so different. Adora’s skin, dark and luminous against Gwen’s own olive complexion. Her hair was untamed and curly, while Gwen’s was straight and tangled. But there was something that they shared, stronger than any of these withering differences.

Adora and Gwen chose each other, and they continued to choose each other every single day.

“Time to finish packing,” Adora said, hugging Gwen once more.

Gwen sighed and quickly helped her mom pack, leaving her trunks upstairs when she was done. She went back downstairs to get the twins.

The boys were ready, they had traveled by floo powder with Gwen before and they knew the only fireplace that allowed I was in her room.

“How did you guys get here?” Gwen asked, noticing the clean fireplace.

“We’re of age,” George said.

“So we apparated,” Fred finished.

“Right,” Gwen said.

The boys stood at the fireplace, waiting for her.

“You first, Gwenny,” Fred said, “We’ve got hurry. They only made the connection open for an hour.”

Gwen turned back to her mother, trying to swallow the tears that threatened to overcome her every year as she said goodbye.

Adora’s watery gaze met hers and they both began to laugh and cry at the same time. Gwen dashed to her mother.

“I love you,” She said, hugging her tight.

“I love you, Guinevere,” Adora said.

They pulled away and wiped at each other’s tears, laughing.

Gwen turned back around and walked to the fireplace. Taking a handful of floo powder from the George, she turned and looked at her mom.

“See you soon,” She said.

“Christmas,” Adora reminded.

Gwen looked to the twins.

“Where too?”

“12 Grimmauld Place,” George said.

Practicing is once in her head, Gwen repeated the words clearly and through the powder.

She saw the green flames erupted and saw Adora’s smiling face melt behind them.

As soon as the flames died down, Gwen was yanked from the fireplace and brought into a hard hug.

“Oh, Gwen, it’s good to see you,” Molly Weasley said, hugging her tightly.

Gwen laughed and returned the hug.

“It’s good to you too, Mrs. Weasley,” Gwen said laughingly.

Mrs. Weasley pulled back and looked at her face for signs of hunger.

“We’ve got some dinner waiting for you,” Mrs. Weasley said, “You’re looking a bit peckish.”

Before Gwen could respond, the twins apparated behind her with a burst.

“She’s already eaten, mum, don’t you worry,” Fred teased.

Gwen blushed but turned to glare at him.

Fred only grinned his response before hopping away.

“We’ll take your things upstairs to the girl’s room,” He called out before levitating her bags up.

“Those boys,” Mrs. Weasley muttered.

Gwen smiled.

“They are something,” She agreed, “Thank you for dinner, but I really did just eat,” Gwen assured.

“Alright then. Do let me know though,” Mrs. Weasley said, before hearing a crash and running off to find the source.

Gwen stood in the middle of a dining room, looking at a few adults around her.

“Gwen,” Professor Lupin called out.

“Hello, Professor,” Gwen said kindly.

“How have you been?” He inquired.

“Alright, thank you,” She said, “And yourself?”

“Quite well,” He said smiling at her.

Before anyone else could speak someone called out her name.

She turned and saw the racing form of Ginny Weasley. It was a Weasley habit to hug hard and Ginny was no excuse.

Ginny returned the young redheads embrace gratefully.

“You look so pretty,” Ginny commented, noticing Gwen’s dress.

Gwen honestly forgot she was still wearing a dress. Her date with Colin felt like a lifetime ago.

“Thanks,” Gwen said, before asking, “Where is everyone else?”

“All of them are here,” Ginny said, pausing before adding, “Harry too.”

Gwen grimaced.

“Is he okay?” She asked quietly.

“He’ll be alright,” Professor Lupin interjected, “He just has to understand.”

Gwen felt calmed by his assurance that they did the right thing in listening to Dumbledore. Ginny held her hand as she led to the rest of their friends. Gwen half-listened to Ginny, as she surveyed the house around her.

It was dark and dreary, to the say the least. As if no one had opened a window in the last twenty years.

Finally, Ginny led her into a somewhat bright room. Gwen saw her three best friends sitting on the floor.

“Hey,” Gwen said.

“Gwen,” Hermione called out, standing up to hug her, “Happy birthday! Did you get my card?”

Gwen grinned at her.

“It was wonderful, thank you,” She said.

“Happy birthday, Gwenny,” Ron said, hugging her as well.

“Thanks, Ronny,” She said.

Slowly, she turned to look at Harry.

“Hi,” She said, looking at him unsurely.

He stood up but made no move to hug her. Hating all and every kind of tension, Gwen puffed out a breath of air and walked up to him, hugging him tightly.

His arms came around her tentatively, and Gwen squeezed a bit harder.

“Missed you,” She said sincerely.

Harry stiffened slightly. Gwen knew what he wanted to say, what he was thinking.

_Then why didn’t you write me?_

Gwen didn’t let go of Harry, but she pulled back to look him in the eye.

“Just forgive us,” She demanded softly, “You know we had to, if Dumbledore told you the same, you wouldn’t argue.”

He didn’t look convinced, but conceded nonetheless.

“I guess,” He said.

“It’s my birthday. For my present I want you to let it go,” She demanded.

Probably against his will, he smiled a bit at her bullish insistence.

“Happy birthday,” He said.

“Thank you,” She said, hugging him once more.

There was a lot of strain on Harry’s face still, but he softened quite a bit. Thankful to finally be surrounded by the people he cared about, even if he was still mad at them.

The rest of that night, her friends filled Harry and her in on Order business and the various things that had occurred while they were all separated. They spoke until Gwen’s eyes drooped, and she leaned back against the bookshelf behind her.

Her eyes were completely shut and she was on the cusp of sleep, when Hermione shook her.

“Time for bed,” She said.

Gwen nodded and walked with Hermione to their room, slightly waving goodnight to the boys.

Hermione looked at her as they walked.

“How was your birthday?” She inquired.

“It was alright,” Gwen said vaguely.

“I’m sure the chicken pot pie was delicious, as usual,” Hermione said, her voice light.

“I didn’t eat any,” Gwen said, without thinking.

Hermione stopped walking.

“You always have chicken pot pie,” She said, “I know because I’m usually there.”

Gwen suddenly felt alert.

“Oh…well, we just decided to do something different this year,” She said nonchalantly.

Hermione’s forehead furrowed as she stared at her friend.

“Did Colin send you anything for you birthday?” She asked perceptively.

Gwen rarely mentioned Colin in any of her letters, which is how Hermione could tell that things were going well between them. That and also she had seen the massive stack of letters from Colin in the summer before she came to Grimmauld Place.

“Uh…yeah, he did,” Gwen said, beginning to walk again.

“What was it?” Hermione persisted.

“I can’t recall…” Gwen continued, intentionally prolonging her explanation bother her impatient friend.

“Are you really not telling me?” Hermione said.

Gwen couldn’t help the grin that crossed her face.

“Dinner,” She said, “He made me a special dinner, by the lake.”

Hermione gasped a bit.

“How did it go?” She said excitingly.

“It went well,” Gwen began, before continuing, “Amazing. Excellent. Wonderful.”

Hermione laughed.

“That’s amazing,” She said, happy for Gwen.

“We kissed,” Gwen said after a moment.

Hermione’s jaw dropped and for the next few minutes, the girls spoke rapidly. Gwen was telling every detail and Hermione asking every question. By the end, the two girls were grinning and laughing.

“That’s so romantic,” Hermione sighed.

“Yeah, it was,” Gwen said sighing as well.

****

The days that followed were filled with dust, Sirius’ dead screaming mother, and intense cleaning.

After dusting out another room to completion, Mrs. Weasley gave them a break. Gwen wandered around the large house. She had been curious since she arrived. She made her into a strange parlor room. It seemed ordinary enough, but one wall was entirely comprised of faces.

Gwen slowly walked closer. It was a family tree. There were a few burnt marks across it. Gwen’s eyes slowly traced alongside of it, noticing the differences between the living relatives and passed.

She saw the different names, scanning more alongside the bottom. Until she eventually appeared upon a name that she hadn’t expected.

Draco Malfoy.

She scanned the part of the chart. His parents, Lucius and Narcissa were above. She raised her hand and traced the fine script of his name. Gwen hadn’t thought about Draco a lot this summer…consciously.

Not that she dreamt about him, but he was always there in the back of her mind. His face on the lake the night of the Yule Ball, his hands glued to her shoulders by blue slime, the moment she passed out and woke to his concerned face. All these moments somehow leaked through the wall around her and infiltrated her thoughts when she wasn’t actively watching them.

“My cousin,” Came a voice from the door of the room.

Gwen ripped her hand off and turned to look at the door, her already large eyes wide.

Sirius Black looked at her, not accusingly, but curious.

“The Malfoy’s,” Sirius said, walking towards her.

He stood next to her with his hands clutched behind his back.

“My extended family,” He continued, “Narcissa is my cousin.”

Gwen nodded. 

“This is all your family?” She asked.

Sirius frowned for a moment.

“In a biological sense,” He clarified.

Gwen nodded.

“At least you had something,” She said.

Sirius looked at her then. Gwen knew he knew the highlights of her background- the orphanages, the mysterious identity, and the loneliness.

“Being born to a group of people doesn’t make them yours,” Sirius said.

Gwen nodded, “I agree, but at least you know where you’re from. At least you have a history.”

“I would argue that no history is better than one like mine,” Sirius countered softly.

“You think?” Gwen asked, genuinely curious.

Sirius pointed to one of the burn marks. He stroked it, as if remembering something.

“That’s me,” He said; touching the scorch mark again, “My mother did it. So yes…I do think so.”

She understood Sirius’ point of view, because she had learned to understand Harry’s. She knew that in their minds, no family was better than a bad family. But she spent a large chunk of her life so far without anyone. So she couldn’t help but feel envious of this tree. She never wanted to know her real family, not even before she was adopted. But the older she grew, the more curious she became. She now sometimes wondered about the identity of the little nameless girl she once was. Not to accept it as her own, but just to know.

Gwen didn’t want any explanations from the people who abandoned her. It didn’t really matter to her why. She had a family. She had Adora.

But sometimes she wondered who she might’ve been.

Before she could respond, Harry walked in.

“What are you doing?” He inquired of the two of them.

“Just looking it," she said, still looking at the burn mark.

She turned towards Harry and smiled.

“I’ll see you at lunch,” She said, leaving the two of them alone.

She tried to ignore the gnawing pit in her stomach, wishing she were back at home with the sunshine and Adora.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER TWO. So I know I said last time that the chapters were going to be 6-7 pages, but this one also went over that by a few (cough-four) pages. But I'm trying to get over the beginning hump. For those of you who are diehard HP fans (I am too) and are wondering why I'm skimming or omitting certain things- it's because this story isn't really about Harry, it's about Gwen. I do admit to taking a bit of artistic license and omitting things for the sake of plot movement.   
> And for those of you who are diehard Draco fans and are wondering why he hasn't been in the story yet, do not panic. Draco Malfoy will most definitely appear in the next chapter, in the flesh. There will be interaction, I promise! Anyways I decided to upload this quickly before my next class, instead of working on my paper that's due tomorrow. Good job, procrastination. Let me know what you think. I love you all xx


	3. A Flash of Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, bookmark, comment!! xx

The weeks that followed leading up to the new term were in a word: stressful. Between the chaos of Harry’s trials, Ron and Hermione being named as prefects, cleaning out all of the rooms, and Sirius’ screaming mother - Gwen was more than ready to be on the glowing platform of 9 ¾.

It was 11:30 pm, the night before September 1 and Gwen was just crawling into bed. Hermione and Ginny were both already fast asleep, but Gwen had opted to stay up so she could answer Colin’s most recent letter. Gwen kept reading the last line in her head.

_I can’t wait to see you._

Gwen smiled as she buried herself in the comfortably worn-out blanket Ginny handed her on her first night here. She was nervous for tomorrow, but more than anything look forward to a routine environment that came with being in school.

She fell asleep easily, but what was waiting for in her deepest subconscious was certainly not. It all came in flashes.

_She was running. Her breath was coming heavy, panting almost. She was running away from the chaos around her._

_A hand reached out and pulled her past the turn of a wall, saving her from a green flash pointed towards her turned back. Before she could react, the same arm that grabbed her shot out a curse that flattened her pursuer._

_Gwen’s breath caught in her throat at the sound of the voice. She looked up into his dark eyes._

_“Draco…” She whispered._

_He stared at her intensely. He looked older, harder than she remembered. There was a cut on his eyebrow and heavy layer of dirt coating his face that marred his usual pale perfection._

_She felt the moment in her chest- the importance of it. She felt the overwhelming love in her chest._

_She felt love._

_“I’ve missed you,” Gwen said softly._

_A painful flash of longing crossed Draco’s face. Gwen lifted her hand to stroke his face with her fingertips. A sob came from her throat, as she flattened her palm to his cheek. Her skin was greedy for his._

_Draco closed his eyes and focused on the loving caress on his face. The sounds of war faded away for a moment. He only felt her. He only heard her. He only wanted her._

_“I…” Gwen tried again, but her voice kept breaking, “I’m sorry, Draco. I should’ve fought harder for you/”_

_He gave a pained look, scanning over her face looking for something. Without knowing if he found it, Draco leaned forward and kissed Gwen. He kissed her with every fear, pain, and trial that faced them. He kissed her like a desert kisses the sky for rain. He kissed her like tree kisses the ground from which it grows. He kissed her as if everything he was rested in her._

_He pulled away after a few moments and pressed his forehead against hers._

_“I will always love you,” He whispered._

Gwen woke with a jolt. It was still dark outside and everyone else was asleep. She rubbed her forehead; still feeling the pressure of someone else’s against her. She laid back down, feeling drained.

She hadn’t had an episode like that since that day in Moody’s (well fake Moody) class. All summer she had waited the horror of another episode, but none had intruded on her sanctuary.

Before she could really think about it, the toll of the sight took over and put her in dark state of sleep-where no images existed.

**

The next day was a blur of movement and Gwen had no time to worry about her nightmares. In a quick flurry of voices, hugging, and final packing they got on the train.

Harry and Gwen parted from Hermione and Ron. As prefects they had important things to attend to. Gwen leaned her shoulder against Harry’s, silently giving him emotional support. She knew he still felt strangely about Ron being chosen as Prefect over him. Gwen personally didn’t think the choice was that strange. Dumbledore always had a plan, it seemed.

Gwen listened to the conversation around her. She and Harry were sharing a compartment with Neville, Ginny, and Luna Lovegood - whom Gwen had never really met.

Ginny introduced them.

“Nice to meet you,” Gwen said kindly.

Luna stared at her for a moment.

“Are you the one who’s dating Colin?” She responded.

Gwen felt her eyes bulge slightly, but corrected her face in less than a second. Her body tensed, something she knew Harry noticed, as her shoulder was still pressing his.

At Gwen’s silence, Luna continued to speak in the same slow lilting voice.

“Is that uncomfortable? I’m sorry. I guess you haven’t told your friends yet,” She concluded comfortably.

Although her face remained implacable, Gwen never wanted to strangle someone more.

As if Ginny sensed her emotions, she quickly changed the subject to something else. Gwen stayed quiet until Ron and Hermione rejoined them.

She moved over so that they may sit. Listening to them relay all of the news they were now privy to.

The conversation didn’t last long before someone stopped by the compartment door.

“Hey guys,” Colin said.

Gwen looked up from her squashed seat between Harry and Hermione. Colin’s eyes focused on her face as he waited for her to respond. After a second too long Gwen finally got a hold of herself.

“Hey,” She said, pushing herself up.

She walked over to him but stopping before she reached him. She wasn’t sure what she should do, and she was a little thrown off by his uniform. Their relationship had grown outside of their uniforms and she wasn’t quite sure where it fit inside of them. Colin’s smile faltered slightly.

“Can I talk to you?” Colin asked softly.

Gwen, still incredibly nervous, nodded her head and stepped out the compartment. Colin slid the door close behind her and they walked down the corridor quietly.

Colin paused once they reached a point of relative privacy and looked at her through his eyelashes.

“Is everything okay?” he asked.

Gwen, whose face was completely blank until this point, felt his confusion and insecurity as palpably as her own. She took a deep breath and took the step forward to wrap her arms around Colin.

“I’m sorry,” She said softly.

Colin immediately wrapped his arms around her.

“Why?” He asked.

“For not knowing what to do,” Gwen said, her cheek pressed to his chest.

Colin huffed out a laugh above her head.

“I just have to ask,” Colin said, pulling back to look at her, “Are…we still dating?”

Gwen met his eyes honestly.

“I’d like too,” She said, feeling slightly shy.

Colin grinned his Colin-grin at her.

“Me too,” He said, before leaning his face down to kiss her.

“I’ve missed you,” He whispered just before their lips connected.

The words triggered the flashing memory of last night’s images. The same words, but brokenly whispered from her mouth. She knew it was Colin’s soft lips on hers, but she only felt a bruised, chapped pair. She knew if she opened eyes, she’d see sparkling brown eyes, but with her eyes closed she saw a pair of desperate blues.

The experience caused her to shiver hard, causing Colin to pull back with a rakish grin.

“Easy on the PDA,” He said teasingly, “Got it.”

Gwen gave him tight smile, choosing to not correct him.

“Come on, I’ll walk you back,” Colin said.

“No,” Gwen said, wanting to be alone before she reunited with her friends, “It’s alright. I’m going to go to the loo before I head back.”

“Alright,” he conceded, “I’ll see you later?”

“Yes,” Gwen confirmed.

Colin smiled and walked off to his own corridor. She went back slowly to her corridor feeling perturbed by everything that just happened.

She had been kissing Colin and saw the eyes of another boy. She knew it was Colin’s mouth on hers, but she felt another pair. She had been kissing her boyfriend but feeling another boy.

She turned towards a window. She sighed tiredly and pressed her forehead against the cool glass.

What was she going to do?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayyyyy....so I know I said in the last chapter that there would definitely be Draco/Gwen interaction this time. Well I lied...a little. There was some interaction, but it's out of context. Gwen's "problem" is coming back now that she's no longer in the safe bosom of her home. Also she's dealing with Colin in school context. If you haven't noticed- Gwen's pretty type A. She likes to compartmentalize. Anyways- I know this is kind of short, but this is what I meant about quick chapters. I have the next chapter hand written, but don't have the time to type it up. I know, I know. That's ridiculous.  
> I've quickly typed up this, deciding to separate the chapters that way you guys have something to read and will hopefully get the next chapter up as soon as possible. Love you all xxxx


	4. Let's Fall Down Some Stairs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudus, comment, and bookmark! xx

When they made their way into the Great Hall, Gwen breathed out a sigh of relief. Hogwarts for her, like everyone else, was a second home.

Sitting next to Hermione, with Ron and Harry across from her, Gwen felt relaxed. Fred came and tugged on her hair as he walked past.

“No slime this year, eh, Gwenny?” He said.

Gwen frowned at him.

“There better not be,” She said, trying to intimidate.

The tall ginger simply grinned at her and walked away with his twin.

Gwen looked back at her friends and repeated.

“There better not be,” She said worriedly.

Ron laughed at her.

“It wasn’t so bad last time,” He commented.

Gwen looked at him with surprise.

“What do you mean?”

But before he could respond, Dumbledore’s booming voice carried through the hall calling attention of the all students.

In the middle of his speech, a toad in pink, Ms. Dolores Umbridge interrupted him and gave what Gwen felt to be the most chilling speech.

“Thank you, Headmaster, for those kind words of welcome,” She said crossing over to the podium, “and how lovely to see all of your bright happy faces smiling up at me. I’m sure we’re all going to be very good friends.”

“That’s likely,” the twins muttered.

She continued her speech.

“Progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserved. Perfect what can be perfected, and what prune practice that ought to be prohibited,” She finished with a high pitch giggle.

And something broke through Gwen’s mind.

Had she been any less of who she was, a gasp of pain would have broken through, but she endured silently as images flashed through her mind.

_The high pitch giggle above her got close to her ear._

_“Now, Ms. Easton, perhaps there’s something you’d like to share with me?”_

_Gwen looked down at her bleeding hands._

_The words, “I will not keep secrets” branded her._

_Gwen looked up at this toad woman._

_“No,” She said._

_The high pitch squeal came through again and Gwen felt another searing pain as her blood dripped forth._

She almost dropped her head to the table. She put her head in her hands instead. Her breathing was shallow and she broke out into a cold sweat.

“Gwen?” Hermione leaned close to her. “Are you okay?”

Gwen suddenly felt like crying but she nodded her head. She turned her head and looked at Hermione.

Hermione’s own eyes widened as she took in Gwen’s suddenly pale face.

“Gwen,” She whispered again.

Harry and Ron leaned forward to look at her.

“I think I ate something bad,” She said softly, not sure if her friends heard her over the chatter of everyone else.

“You haven’t eaten anything,” Harry said, clearly worried.

Gwen nodded.

“Something on the train, I guess,” She commented.

She was breathing quickly and the noise was suddenly too much for her. She was going to pass out and would prefer to not make a spectacle of herself.

“I’m just going to head upstairs,” She said weakly.

“I’ll come with you,” Hermione said.

“No, no,” Gwen said quickly, “Stay here. Watch her.” She said gesturing to Umbridge.

Hermione looked like she was going to interject, but Gwen quickly moved out of the hall. She hoped her friends wouldn’t follow her. She hoped Colin wouldn’t follow her.

She made it to the hallway and walked up the stairs immediately. After one flight, the stairs pitched to the side as they began to shift. Gwen sat down immediately to avoid tumbling down the steps. She put her head in between her legs and breathed deeply. She hated these…visions.

She wished she could tell her friends about them, but she couldn’t. Because if she was really seeing these that happened it meant she could’ve warned them about Cedric Digory last year. It meant that he could’ve still been alive, and Gwen wasn’t quite sure if she could handle that.

And if these were visions that meant that things she had been considering dreams were really…real. That scared her more than she liked.

She finally realized the stairs had stopped moving. She stood slowly, but luck wasn’t in her favor. As she found her bearings, the stairs once again pitched to the side and Gwen, in a state of weakness, flew forward – down the stairs.

A gasp escaped her mouth before she landed into something, but not the concrete stairs – a warm, solid body. Gwen looked up and felt her heart gave a painful thump as she looked in the eyes of Draco Malfoy.

Any words died on Gwen's lips as she looked up into the eyes she’d been seeing every night in her sleep.

They stood quietly for a moment, staring at each other.

Gwen's eyes chased over his face, suddenly hungry to again familiarize herself with the cool planes of his skin.

When she finally looked back at his eyes, she saw that he was scanning her face in the same way.

Their eyes locked and Gwen's breath hitched.

"Hi," she said, her voice softer than she intended.

Draco swallowed.

"Hi."

His voice was deeper than she remembered.

After another long pause Gwen spoke again.

"We have to stop meeting like this," Gwen said, referred to their slime debacle last year.

Draco's lip twitched.

"Probably," he said.

Gwen smiled at his twitch, his twitch turned into a crooked slant. Gwen's smile turned into a grin, Draco chuckled, until Gwen let out a genuine laugh.

Draco flashed her a brilliant smile for a second. It was a flash, like a bolt of lightening and Gwen wished she had a photographic memory.

Something in them both melted, standing close, practically embracing.

Something reacted and twitched. As they stood smiling at one another, something in them both woke up.

“Why are you sitting on the stairs?” Draco asked her.

“I’m standing,” Gwen said, so dazed she could barely remember she was on the stairs at all.

Draco smiled again at her. His face was relaxed in a way that she hadn’t ever seen it before.

“You looked sick in the Great Hall,” He said.

Gwen felt embarrassed that he had witnessed her freak out but also giddy that he’d been watching her to notice.

“And you came after me?” She asked boldly.

He said nothing and a slight strain came back to his face. Gwen wished she hadn’t said anything, but she wasn’t in the market of curbing her tongue.

“Are you okay?” He asked instead.

Gwen frowned slightly at his hedge.

“Not really,” She said softly, feeling the exhaustion crawl back onto her face.

Draco tightened his arms around her and Gwen realized he still had his arms around her.

She knew she should probably pull away, but she didn’t want to. In fact if she could stay like this for a while, she wouldn’t complain.

“I should go upstairs,” She said softly.

“I can walk you,” He offered softly.

Gwen stared into his earnest eyes for a moment. They were slightly guarded. That seemed to be his natural state, and for some reason that made Gwen sad.

“Okay,” She agreed, speaking slowly, much to her own surprise.

He held her for a few more seconds. Her hands were fisted on his chest, her forearms pressed against him. She wished they were lying down. The intensity of it worried her a bit.

Slowly he released her, as if he expected for her sink to the ground. Honestly, Gwen felt like she was going to. The visions left her exhausted and weak, but she didn’t want him to think she _was_ weak so she put her hand on the rail and headed upstairs.

They went a few flights quietly without speaking for a moment. When the stairs they were on began to move, Gwen paused and closed her eyes. Draco took her arm, but Gwen shook her head.

“I can do it,” She argued.

He said nothing, but when Gwen opened her eyes he was smiling at her. She rolled her eyes and grinned.

“Shut up,” She said.

“I didn’t say anything,” He said playfully.

Gwen shook her head, unable to stop grinning.

“How was your summer?” She asked.

He paused for a moment.

“Alright, I guess,” He said, “Yours?”

Gwen wanted to ask more but she answered him instead.

“Wonderful. I like being home,” She said.

“That’s nice,” He said.

Gwen paused and looked at him. He hadn’t said it in a polite “I’m listening to you but I don’t really care” kind of way. He said it softly and earnestly, emphasizing the word _nice._

Gwen said nothing, but she wanted to hug him as he stood there.

He gave her a half-hearted smile.

“Come on, you look like you’re going to pass out,” He commented, taking a few steps.

Gwen followed, wishing she could think of something to say.

They finally made it to the Gryffindor common room door and Gwen suddenly felt strange having him here. What if he was just trying to get the password from her and vandalize their common room?

Before the thought could even take hold, Gwen looked back at him and the way he looked at her crushed any doubt.

“Thanks for walking me up,” She said quietly.

“You really walked yourself up,” He teased.

Gwen smiled at him.

“Well thank you for watching me walk myself up,” She joked.

He smiled back and they looked at each other again, neither of them sure how to proceed.

“Are you glad to be back here?” Gwen asked curiously.

Draco opened his mouth and then closed it. His eyes changed and he suddenly looked at her in a way that made goose bumps rise on her arms.

“Yeah,” He said, his voice deeper, “I am.”

Gwen nodded slightly.

“Me too.” She said.

The air around them turned electric and Gwen wished they were on the stairs again so she had an excuse to throw herself at him.

“Well…” She began, “Good night.”

Although she would’ve been happy to stand out in the hall just staring at him, she knew dinner was almost over.

He nodded, as if he understood her thought process. It didn’t upset him. He wasn’t ready to face the reality of their situation yet either.

“Good night,” He said, an imperceptible second later, “Guinevere.”

He said at as if he had been testing it on his tongue and Gwen just about melted to the floor.

“Good night,” she said softly.

She watched as he turned and walked down the hall. She put her fist up to her mouth and tried to stifle the overwhelming emotion she felt.

“I’ve never seen so many repressed emotions before,” Came a lofty voice in the painting behind her.

Gwen jumped a bit.

“Mind your own business,” She grumbled to the Fat Lady.

“The sexual tension,” The Fat Lady said gleefully, “and with a Slytherin as well.”

Gwen glared at the painting.

“Your secrets safe with me,” The Fat Lady winked, “If I was in your shoes, I’d do a lot more than stare at him.”

Gwen blushed and muttered the password quickly.

She entered the common room and looked around. The gold and maroon suddenly felt oppressive. So what if Draco was a Slytherin?

He’s not just _a_ Slytherin _,_ she thought, He’s _the_ Slytherin _._

Gwen sighed and made her way to her room. She quickly got in her pajamas and sat on the edge of her bed. She laid until Hermione came into the room a while later.

“This is for you,” Hermione said, after inquiring how she felt.

Gwen took the small paper and found the familiar handwriting.

_Gwen,_

_I didn’t see you disappear from the Great Hall. Hermione said you weren’t feeling well. I’ll see you tomorrow hopefully._

_-Colin_

Gwen had just about forgotten about Colin in the last hour alone. She suddenly felt very guilty.

“He seems sweet,” Hermione said.

“Yeah,” Gwen said softly, “He is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So with midterms, migraines, and mundane things it's taken me longer than I would have liked to get this out. I'm literally about to leave to go on a much needed road trip, but I stalled so I could finish this chapter and post it. Let me know what you guys think because I LOVE GWEN AND DRACO. I also love all you and look forward to your reactions (I genuinely love them). xxxx


	5. Conflict and Expectation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, bookmark, and comment! xxxx

Gwen quickly fell back into her normal pattern of school life. She and Hermione shared a room and that’s where Gwen was sitting, uncharacteristically waiting for Hermione to finish getting ready.

“Have you seen Colin recently?” Hermione asked her.

Gwen looked at her friend who was contemplating the two extra quills on her night table before putting the one in her left hand in the bag and the other back down.

“A couple of days ago,” Gwen said, feeling slightly guilty.

“When are you going to see him again?” Hermione asked, unknowingly narrowing on Gwen’s discomfort.

Gwen paused to bursting.

“I need your help,” Gwen cried out.

Hermione, who clearly wasn’t expecting an outburst, looked at her friend in surprise.

“What do you mean?”

“I just feel like there’s not enough time to see everyone.”

“How so?” Hermione asked.

“Colin keeps asking me to hang out, but I’m always busy,” Gwen said before begrudgingly adding, “I was never this busy before.”

Hermione laughed.

“Yes, you were. You just existed inside your immediate friendship circle – all of whom are also busy in the same ways.”

“Well thank you, Professor,” Gwen said sarcastically.

She stood up as Hermione was finally ready to leave.

“Why don’t you sit him for meals?” Hermione suggested, hesitating briefly before grabbing the previously rejected quill and stuffing it in her bag as well.

Gwen grimaced at her friend.

“I don’t want to sit with a bunch of Ravenclaw’s” Gwen said as they closed the door behind them.

She actually had nothing against any of the Ravenclaw’s. There was just one specific Ravenclaw she didn’t want to be near – and that had to do with the fact that Gwen could have potentially saved her boyfriend from being murdered.

“What do you have against the Ravenclaw’s?” Hermione said, surprised to hear Gwen’s dislike.

“Nothing. They just talk about books and stuff,” Gwen tried to make an excuse.

“I talk about books,” Hermione argued.

“Yes, but I already decided I was going to love you regardless,” Gwen teased, before continuing, “I just don’t want to sit with them.”

“Why don’t you invite him to sit with us then?” Hermione said.

“Right,” Gwen snorted “as I’m stuffing my face in an attempt to stay awake and Harry discusses all of his…Harry-isms.”

“Harry-isms?” Hermione asked.

“You know what I mean,” Gwen insisted, “It’s not safe.”

“Do you not trust Colin?” Hermione asked.

“Do you?” Gwen countered loudly.

“Well I’m not dating him,” Hermione said pragmatically, “So it doesn’t matter, if I do.”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” Gwen grumbled.

“Well you could always just sit alone,” Hermione said.

“Wouldn’t you miss me?” Gwen said, avoiding the answer.

“Of course,” Hermione said while rolling her eyes, “but Colin is your boyfriend, Gwen.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean I owe him all of my time, does it?” Gwen asked rhetorically.

She really didn’t want Hermione to answer, but she got one anyways.

“That’s true, but you should probably give him some,” Hermione said.

Gwen sighed.

“Why was it so much easier in the summer?”

Hermione smiled but didn’t answer as they finally made it to their table.

Gwen sat next to Harry and stole a strip of bacon of his plate as a way to express her frustration at life.

“Oi,” Harry said, looking at Gwen.

“Leave me be,” Gwen said, as if Harry had stolen from her.

He shook his head.

“You’re mad,” He grumbled, putting more bacon on his plate and some on Gwen’s.

Gwen grinned at her friend.

“Thank you.”

Harry smiled, he looked tired, and his hand was still bandaged.

“How are you feeling?” Gwen inquired softly.

“It stopped stinging, so better,” Harry said.

Gwen made a face, feeling angry.

“That pink cow,” She said vehemently, referring to Umbridge, “I’d like take that medieval quill and jab it right in her eye.”

Her friends laughed.

“I could see that happening,” Ron said.

Gwen stuck her tongue at Ron.

“Tell them about McGonagall,” Ron added quickly.

They all leaned their heads in as Harry began to relay McGonagall’s warning when Hermione kicked her from underneath the table.

"Ow," Gwen cried out, glaring at her bushy-haired friend.

"Incoming," Hermione muttered.

Before Gwen could ask she felt someone kiss her cheek.

"Morning beautiful," Colin said, as he sat down next to her.

Gwen felt her cheeks flush slightly as she looked at her boyfriend.

"Hi," she said, clearly surprised.

Although the gesture was sweet, Gwen was intensely uncomfortable with the way the room changed. At least how it changed to her. Her friends watched her and Gwen could feel the looks of her fellow Gryffindor’s watching her.

"Hey guys," Colin said amicably to her friends. 

They all responded with varieties of hello while Gwen worked on relaxing a bit and not ask Colin to leave.

"Sleep well?" Colin asked, looking at her.

Gwen almost wanted to laugh, but she instead she smiled and nodded.

"You?" She asked

"Yeah, plenty of good dreams." He said grinning, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

Gwen rolled her eyes, but couldn't help the grin laugh that escaped from her.  

"I bet you did, you pervert," she said teased, relishing at the familiarity she felt towards him.

"I don't know to what you're referring to," Colin said, pretending to be offended.

"I'm sure," she said sarcastically.

Colin leaned forward slightly and Gwen panicked for a moment thinking he was going to kiss her.

"Can we have lunch later?" He asked imploringly.

Gwen hesitated, not completely knowing why.

"Sure," she said.

"Meet you outside then?" Colin asked.

"Okay," Gwen repeated.

"Great," Colin grinned

Gwen smiled at his reaction. He was really sweet.

"See you then," Gwen said.

"Yep," Colin said and quickly kissed her cheek again before she could react.

"Bye, guys," he said waving to her friends.

Gwen kept her eyes on her plate, moving her fork around aimlessly as the stupid smile remained on her face.

Hermione pushed her slightly. Gwen looked up and saw her friend grinning widely at her.

"What?” Gwen said, snapping a little.

Hermione only grinned wider.

"Shut up,” Gwen said, shoving food in her mouth.  

"We will talk about this more," Hermione said before picking up her things

"Where are you off to?" Gwen asked.

"Ronald and I have some duties to attend to," Hermione said, glaring at her fellow prefect.

"Right," Ron said quickly, picking up his things.

The two walked off, leaving Harry and Gwen alone.

Gwen covered her cheeks with her hands.

"Am I still blushing?" She asked turning towards her friend.

"Yeah," Harry said, laughing a bit.

"Dammit," Gwen muttered.

"Don't worry. It looks good," Harry said reassuringly.

Gwen laughed, lowering her hands.

"Yeah, what girl doesn't want to look like a tomato?" She teased.

Harry grinned.

"So it's going well between you two?" He asked.

Gwen poked her bread with her fork.

"Yeah, I mean, it feels weird now being back here and things being so different," she said slowly, trying to piece how she was feeling, "but he's lovely. Really lovely."

"I'm glad," Harry said.

“It’s just…” Gwen began before leading off.

“Yeah?” Harry pressed gently.

“I feel bad sometimes,” Gwen said, still not looking up.

“Why?”

“Because I just don’t how he works in here, with me. It was easy over the summer, but it’s just different here. It’s not the same. There are other things here.” Gwen said nonsensically.

“Well…” Harry began, “I guess if you want it to work, you’ll find a way to make it fit.”

Gwen looked at her best friend. She wanted to tell him that she was worried she was doing something wrong – that she was hurting someone.

“I don’t know,” She said.

“Know what?” Harry asked.

Gwen huffed out her answer.

“I don’t know.”

Harry laughed a bit and Gwen smiled, looking at him sideways.

"So what about you?" Gwen asked, attempting to get the spotlight off of her, "any ladies I should know about?”

Harry blushed slightly and Gwen grinned.

“Just one,” He said, looking over Gwen’s shoulder at the Ravenclaw table.

Gwen turned and felt the grin fade from her face as she saw the dark-haired beauty Harry was looking at.

“So it’s still Cho?” She said, focusing on her plate again.

Cho’s face alone sent a spike of guilt through Gwen’s body.

“Yeah, I guess,” Harry said.

“That’s cool,” Gwen said before pushing her plate away.

“We’re going to be late,” She announced, knowing they were still early.

Harry looked at her confusedly before standing up and following her to class. Gwen reflected over her feelings as they walked silently. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Colin. She did - a lot even, but she felt guilty at every flare of irritation she felt. He always came when she was in the middle of an important conversation. Or he stopped her when she was on her way to see her friends. It was just…complicated.

With every step she took, Gwen fought every impulse to run back upstairs and hide in her bed until things went back to the way they were.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I want to thank you all for your patience. This has been one of the longest weeks of my life and I've been neck deep in homework, articles, papers, projects, and proposals. This story and your comments are everything to me and I appreciate you all so much. So I know this chapter isn't Gwen/Draco (they can't all be for the sake of good story telling) but it is introducing a pretty interesting relationship between Gwen and Colin and even...Harry?  
> Yes, I've got some fun stuff planned for this story and I plan to deliver it all (as quickly as I can without failing university). 
> 
> Special thanks to NightisBeautiful for your continued support and commenting. You're a dream. And to KatieMarie whose comment definitely gave me that last bit of motivation to sort through my notes and pump out this chapter. 
> 
> Love you all!


	6. Cold Tile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudus, commet, and bookmark! xx

Gwen rushed through into the Great Hall with her hair flying behind her and smoke at her feet. After a particularly rough dream/vision/thing, Gwen was properly knackered. In a new attempt at coping, she decided to blast through the exhaustion.

She sat down next to Harry with a dramatic puff of air.

“Hi,” She said, slightly breathless.

Merlin, she needed to exercise.

“I tried to wake you up,” Hermione said quietly, before Gwen began waving her off.

“You couldn’t have,” Gwen said casually.

Gwen picked up a piece of toast and Ron handed her a goblet of pumpkin juice.

Gwen smiled her thanks as she accepted the drink. It wasn’t until Gwen swallowed that she realized the atmosphere of the group.

She stared at them carefully. Hermione looking down, tracing the top of her hand his her finger. Ron was poking his fork at the waffle on his plate. Harry, of course, was watching her watch everyone else.

“What?” She asked, her mouth full.

Hermione frowned with distaste.

“You’re always running late,” Harry said.

“It builds suspense,” Gwen quipped, grinning.

Harry grinned back at her and shook his head.

“So, Hermione’s got an idea” Ron began.

Gwen turned and looked at her friend expectantly.

“Come on, Granger,” Gwen pushed, “Wow me.”

Hermione rolled her eyes but leaned in to speak quietly.

“Well since Umbridge won’t let us learn any defense against the Dark Arts, and we know that there are dark forces that we need to prepare for…” Hermione paused, casting her eyes around carefully,  “Harry can teach us.”

Harry gaped and Gwen grinned.

“That’s a great idea!” Gwen said enthusiastically.

Harry, who obviously did not agree, said nothing. He only frowned.

“Come on, Harry,” Gwen said, pushing his arm, “You could do it.”

“I don’t know how to teach it,” He said lamely, picking at the food on his plate.

“But you know the spells,” Hermione countered, “You know how to use them.”

Harry opened his mouth and then shut it. Gwen listened to Hermione’s convincing while Harry argued for the next few minutes. Her and Ron’s heads swiveled back and forth watching their friends argue.

Eventually Harry conceded and Gwen grasped her hands and shook them over her shoulder in victory.

“10 points for Granger,” She joked.

“You seem to be in a better mood today,” Ron noticed.

“Are you implying that I’m usually in a bad mood?” Gwen said, narrowing her eyes at her favorite ginger.

“Your usual mood is ‘tired’” Ron said grinning.

Gwen laughed despite herself.

“I don’t sleep well,” She said lightly.

The words came out light, but the implication was heavy. Hermione and Harry exchanged a knowing look, which Gwen ignored for the sake of getting the attention off of her.

“Speaking of bad dreams…” She turned and saw Umbridge staring at them with all her toad-like lunacy.

Harry’s hand, now free from its bandages but still scarred, clenched at the sight of her. Gwen’s own hand closed as she glared back at the vile woman.

“I hate her,” Gwen said, knowing Umbridge was still watching.

“Gwen,” Hermione warned lowly.

Gwen mulishly stuffed more food in her mouth to keep herself from responding. She didn’t look back at Umbridge but she felt her chilling glassy glare branded her.

Harry leaned towards her slightly, pressing his shoulder against hers, but Gwen didn’t relax. Instead she clenched her fork harder. The passed the remainder of breakfast in silence mostly, looking down at their plates. Gwen wanted to hug her friends close to her and protect them from everything, but instead she took a bite from her breakfast – not tasting it. 

Their classes were long and exhausting. Gwen felt nothing but slight pounding in her head and the heaviness of her body.

When lunch came around, Gwen turned to Hermione.

“I’m going to go write Adora a letter,” She said.

“You’re not going to eat?” Hermione asked.

“I’ve got an apple in my bag,” Gwen said, before adding, “And I might come near the end.”

Hermione nodded, placated by the possibility. Gwen waved goodbye and quickly walked down the hall. It was a sunny day, but deceptively cold. Everyone chose to hang on the edges of campus or inside. Gwen took advantage of that and walked out further towards the Great Lake and settled under her favorite tree.

She charmed her cloak to remain dry beneath her and settled in the sun. She pulled out her parchment and quill to write, but after a few minutes of failed attempts and scratching through, Gwen put down the tools.

She lay back on her cloak and closed her eyes, breathing slowly and allowing the sun to warm her skin and ease the heaviness that felt welded to her.

She wasn’t sure how long she remained like that, but she drifted off into sleep. She heard the off distant call of a bird.

 _They should’ve all gone by now_ , she thought. Perhaps it was because she hadn’t rested after the last vision she had or maybe because she was finally relaxed, but the sound loosened a brick in her brain and before she could fight it the images swirled through her mind.

_Gwen was standing and looking outside a window, holding a cup of tea in her hand. She stood in front of the sink. She was wearing only a robe and an old ratty nightdress that came down past her knees. Her feet were cold on the tile, but she didn’t move. She heard the off distant chirping of a bird._

_They should’ve all gone by now, she thought._

_She took a sip of tea and jumped slightly as a pair of arms slid around her. Someone kissed the side of her neck before resting their chin on top of her head. Gwen relaxed into the hold and leaned her head back._

_“How are you doing?” He murmured softly, his voice heavy with sleep still._

_“I’m alright,” She said softly, “It’s just today…”_

_He turned Gwen in his arms and quietly lifted her off the cold tile and sat her down on the counter, making sure her nightdress was pulled down and covered the back of her legs. He pulled out a pair of thick socks from his robe pocket and quickly pulled them up to her knees. Gwen smiled softly at his protective nature as he settled himself in-between her legs, his hands gently on her thighs. She sniffled as tears came to her eyes._

_“Gwen,” Draco said quietly, brushing his thumb against her cheek._

_Gwen tried to smile, but she looked over his shoulder before flashing her eyes back to him. His eyes were deep blue with compassion and his face was covered in golden stubble. She reached up to rub his bristly jaw._

_“I just wished she could’ve seen all this,” Gwen said softly._

_Her hand dropped to the swollen belly that rested between them. Tears filled her eyes._

_“I just wish she was here to help me with all of this,” She whispered, closing her eyes and the tears falling down her face._

_“I know, love,” He whispered, his voice was hoarse watching her in pain._

_He leaned down and kissed her gently. His arms wrapped securely around her and his lips gently caressing her own, showing her that she was safe and loved. Gwen wrapped her arms around his neck, opening herself to the feel of him as she returned every murmur and kiss._

_He continued to press small kisses all over her face._

_“I love you,” He whispered._

_Gwen held his face in between her hands, leaning her forehead against his and whispered back._

_“I love you.”_

Gwen shot awake, her breathing hard and her heart racing. She ran her hands over her stomach and was happy to find it flat. She stared forward, trying to remember where she was. Thoroughly disoriented she touched her lips, expecting to find the remainder of a kiss. The sun was almost gone and the charm on her cloak seemed to fade because her whole back was wet from the ground. She shivered hard and clumsily stood up. She grabbed her things and started walking back to the castle.

She felt wild and not fully awake. She was confused and couldn’t understand what she just saw. She was pregnant…or she would be. Gwen quickly grabbed at her stomach, thankful to find that it was still flat.

She made her way slowly into the castle and jumped at every sound. There were still a few people milling around, but not many. Everyone must be settling down for the day. Gwen stood for a moment not sure what to do.

“You look lost,” A deep voice came from the side of her.

Gwen shivered hard as she stared into the same blue eyes that filled her mind. She rubbed her stomach again.

“I…” she began, not really sure what to say to him right now.

“You’re soaking wet,” Draco said, inspecting her back.

He lifted his wand and looked at her, waiting for her to give permission. Gwen nodded, not quite sure why.

He quickly murmured a charm and she felt her clothes heat up nicely and dry. She shivered again.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

Gwen looked at him, looking for everything she just saw.

“I fell asleep outside,” She supplied.

Draco nodded, a slight smile quirked his lips. She decided that he really was beautiful.

“You do that a lot?” He teased.

Gwen smiled, in spite of her anxiety, feeling herself calm down. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and just stand there. She wanted to find his heartbeat and fall asleep to it.

“No, not really.” She said finally, feeling lighter.

“It looks good on you,” He said after a moment.

“What does?” Gwen asked, her eyebrows quirking up.

“Sleep,” He said, smiling gently.

Gwen just about melted into a puddle. She rubbed her stomach again as she looked at him, feeling something strong in her stomach. It was like she needed to throw up, but she almost wanted to give into it.

 Gwen opened her mouth to say something when someone called out her name.

Colin was walking towards with his gaze focused mistrustfully at Draco.

 _What does he want?_ Gwen thought for a moment before remembering the moment before he reached her that Colin was her boyfriend.

Colin wrapped his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek.

“Hello, love,” He said softly, “I’ve been looking for you.”

“Yeah,” Gwen said, still sounding confused to herself, “I fell asleep.”

“Always sleeping,” He chided softly.

Irritation flashed in her body and she wanted to move away from under his arm. She looked up at Draco; his eyes were still focused on her face.

“Problem, Malfoy?” Colin snapped, tightening his grip on Gwen.

Draco’s eyes flashed gray with anger and he looked at Colin haughtily.

“You’re not worth a problem, Flanner,” He sniped, “No need to grope poor Easton in a pathetic attempt at chivalry.”

Colin opened his mouth to respond angrily, but Gwen spoke first.

“Let’s go,” She said, her voice strong.

She stared at Draco with mixed emotions before pushing Colin away. They walked off, and Gwen only wanted to turn back around.

**

Draco watched them walk away. He tried to stifle the overwhelming anger he felt towards Flanner’s lanky retreating form. Flanner was one of the few blokes taller than himself. Draco thought he was too tall for Gwen’s small stature.

Gwen.

He remembered the wild look in her eyes when she came into the castle and just stared around her, as if she couldn’t remember where she was. Her gold eyes flashed with awareness when she saw him. Awareness…and something else. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he saw it. It was almost hunger…or need, he realized with surprise. Need for what though?

She looked so trusting when he waited for her to give him permission to dry her clothes. Her eyes watched him with a familiarity he didn’t understand. He wanted to step closer to her and gently comb his fingers through her messy hair.

She had clearly been sleeping and he wanted to find out what she had seen that made her look so disorientated.

She kept rubbing her stomach, he had noticed. He should’ve offered her something to eat. Maybe they could’ve snuck into the kitchens together. Maybe Flanner wouldn’t have shown up. The git.

It gave him an odd sense of satisfaction to see Gwen’s discomfort in Colin’s embrace, as if she couldn’t tell why he was holding her. He smiled at the thought, but it quickly faded when he remembered it was Flanner who walked away with Gwen – not him.

**

“Where were you?” Colin asked when they got to the staircase.

“I was sleeping, Colin,” Gwen said.

“Why was Malfoy talking to you?” Colin asked.

Gwen was irritated at Colin for showing up when she had so many questions running through her head. She rubbed her stomach again.

“I don’t know, Colin,” Gwen moaned, pinching her nose in-between her fingers for a moment.

Colin remained quiet as they continued up the stairs. She got to her hall before half turning to him.

“I’ll just see you tomorrow,” She said half-heartedly over her shoulder as she continued down the hall.

“Gwen,” he said after a moment.

Gwen turned around and tried to smooth the frustration from her face. It wasn’t really Colin’s fault and she was only irritated because she didn’t understand what was happening to her.

“I’m…sorry,” He said softly, taking a few steps towards her.

Gwen felt bad at the hurt expression on his face. Finally returning to the time, she began to soften towards Colin. Her feelings returning as she registered where she actually was.

“I just…Malfoy’s not a good guy, you know,” Colin said, looking at her, “I mean all of the things he’s said about your friends – Harry and all of the stuff about Hermione.”

Gwen felt something sharp pull in her stomach. She stared at Colin but she saw a swirl of soft blue eyes in her head. 

“Yeah, I know” Gwen said, keeping her arms wrapped around herself.

Colin leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her gently. He rested his cheek on her head and Gwen was shocked by the rebellion in her body telling her this wasn’t the cheek that was supposed to be resting on her head.

She rubbed her stomach again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Gwen softly, pulling away before he could try to kiss her.

“Good night,” Colin said, looking like he wanted to kiss her.

“Night,” Gwen said, before turning and speeding down the hall out of his sight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all have a good day as we all celebrate around turkey and ignore the historical implications of said turkey. Holidays, am I right? 
> 
> So this has been a long time overdue. This semester is coming to an end (thankfully). I hope all of you in school are doing well and you're not being buried by responsibility. After a three papers and a nasty sinus infection, I'm ready to enjoy the day eating every kind of carb I can get my hands on. 
> 
> But this chapter guys. I honestly love it so much. I know it didn't really do much to push the story along, but it's definitely giving an insight into Gwen's confusion. She's getting a glimpse at what might be the future, but in the present she can't see how she gets to that point. Draco is bae. That's all I'm going to say. I'm trying to stay patient with Colin, his arch is important to the story but honestly I just want to nix him off and just shove Gwen and Draco together, but all in good time. I just want you guys to know its as frustrating for me to write it as it might to be read it. It's a slow burn. 
> 
> Special thanks to Mitty, who's comment I read today sparked me into writing this chapter! I hope you guys all like it. Let me know!! I love your comments. xxxx


	7. Blows and Broken Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudus, commet, and bookmark! xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Quick note: I realized like the meatball I am, I basically repeated the beginning of Chapter 5 in Chapter 6. So I went back and edited Chapter and it's related to Chapter 7, so it would do well to go back and read through!

“Are you going to invite Colin?” Hermione asked her.

“Invite Colin to what?” Gwen asked without looking up from the parchment in front of her.

The two girls were currently in the library, knee-deep in parchment as they did their work. Gwen was two-thirds of the way done with a Potions paper due tomorrow and Hermione was finishing homework that wasn’t due for another two weeks.

“To the meeting,” Hermione asked, her voice was hushed with urgency.

Gwen looked up over her parchment to stare at Hermione.

“The meeting?” She said, not understanding what Hermione was referring to until a second later.

Her eyes widened with awareness.

“Oh, _the meeting,_ ” She said with emphasis.

“Yes,” Hermione snapped.

Gwen frowned a bit.

“I hadn’t planned on it,” She confided.

“Really?” Hermione said surprised, “Why not?”

“I don’t know” Gwen said, tapping her quill nervously.

“Do you not trust him,” Hermione asked bluntly.

Gwen paused in her tapping to look at her best friend.

“Things have been…tense recently,” Gwen said after a while.

Hermione nodded, as if she suspected as much. Gwen felt a pang of irritation that Hermione so readily expected her answer. It wasn’t that she had been avoiding Colin because she didn’t want to see him. She actually did miss him, which she was thankful for. She just felt so raw after their last encounter; she wasn’t sure how to continue.

“You haven’t seen him this week,” Hermione continued, without noticing Gwen’s growing frustration, “Usually you have lunch at least three days during the week, but this week you haven’t spoken to him at all, and he’s constantly staring at you in the Great Hall during meals.”

Gwen glared fiercely at her friend, angry with both Hermione and herself.

“Wow, thanks,” Gwen said caustically.

Hermione looked surprised by her anger and returned it aggressively.

“Well it’s not hard to see Gwen. You practically avoid him like the plague,” She reprimanded pretentiously, “Isn’t he supposed to be your boyfriend?”

Gwen felt that like a blow to the chest.

“It’s amazing that you have so much time to look after my love life when you can’t even manage your own,” She snapped angrily.

Hermione’s eyes widened.

“What do you mean?” She exclaimed.

“Right, Hermione, I suppose your constant frustration with Ron stems from what? The color of his hair?” Gwen bit out out, her voice sharp and sarcastic.

Hermione blanched as if Gwen had slapped her and Gwen felt a heavy smack of guilt. The two girls stared at each other without speaking. Gwen let out a puff of air. Feeling overwhelmed with anger and guilt she stood up, quickly gathering her things and left without another word.

She felt angry tears fill her eyes as she walked away. Frustrated that she hit so low with Hermione, but angry at Hermione for being oblivious and so analytical about her relationship.

Her relationship. She scoffed internally. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Colin in five days since the incident in the hallway. She didn’t know what to say. She felt guilty for avoiding him, but wasn’t sure how to approach him.

She kept walking without looking around until she made to the Courtyard. She saw Colin standing under a tree with a few of his Ravenclaw friends, including Cho Chang. Gwen grimaced internally. Cho always looked so broken, which was to be expected after the loss of Cedric, but Gwen hated it. She hated Cho’s brokenness because it reminded her of her own failure. Maybe she would work on getting Cho together with Harry. Maybe that would heal the brokenness of Cho’s face. Gwen quickly stopped the train of thought. Her entire motive was selfish and wrong.

Shaking the thought from her head, Gwen stared at Colin with apprehension, wondering if she should keep walking unnoticed past him.

_Isn’t he supposed to be your boyfriend?_

Hermione’s sharp words rang through Gwen’s head. With a puff of her chest, Gwen made her way to Colin, whose face lit up at the sight of her. This caused another small blow in her chest. Merlin. How guilty could she feel before she exploded?

“Hey,” Gwen said, offering him a peaceful smile.  

“Hi,” Colin said smiling back at her.

Gwen quickly turned to address his friends.

“Hey Lewis,” She said nodding, “Cho.”

“Hi, Gwen,” Cho said in her soft breathy voice.

“How are you doing?” Gwen asked and then wanted to kick herself in the face for asking such a stupid question.

Cho smiled but her eyes went misty.

“I’m alright, thanks,” She said softly.

It was like staring at a kicked puppy.

Gwen smiled a smile that looked like a grimace and turned to look at Colin.

“Can we talk?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Colin said, grabbing his things before turning back to his friends, “I’ll see you guys later.”

They all said goodbye and Gwen and Colin walked silently for a few moments. The sounds the crunching grass beneath her feet reminded Gwen how close to Christmas she was. She was ready to be home in the warm loving arms of Adora.

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Colin said softly.

Gwen turned to look at him.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that,” She said sincerely.

Colin looked forward and nodded in acceptance. They continued to walk and Gwen scrambled for words to say.

“I was an arse the other day,” Colin said.

Gwen paused and looked at him, not expecting a declaration like that.

“What?” She asked, clearly confused.

“I get why you’ve been avoiding me. I was dick to you,” Colin said, “I guess I just got nervous when you were talking to Malfoy is all. I just didn’t want him to hurt you.”

“I appreciate that, Colin, really,” Gwen began, “But I’m a big girl. I can handle Dra…Malfoy.”

She quickly corrected herself. She felt her face turn pink slightly at the catch. Why did she feel as if she had been caught?

Colin smiled slightly, not noticing her misstep. He let his head hang down and flopped his long hair back up.

“Yeah, I know,” he said earnestly, “I’m sorry.”

Gwen smiled. She still liked Colin and she had missed him this week. She reached up and moved his hair out of his eyes.

“Your hair grows fast,” She said softly.

 He looked at her with his brown hopeful eyes and took a step closer to her. Gwen felt a familiar feeling of warmth in her chest and she embraced it like a long-lost friend.

Colin reached for hand tentatively, as if he expected Gwen to rip her hand from his. She squeezed his cold hand in hers and Colin’s smile turned into a grin.

“Can we have lunch tomorrow?” He asked softly.

“Sure,” Gwen agreed, but then remembering quickly, “Oh, I can’t.”

Colin’s face fell slightly; Gwen stepped forward quickly to assure him.

“I want to,” She insisted, squeezing his hand, “I just have…a thing.”

“A thing?” Colin asked.

Gwen nodded. With Hermione’s words still playing in the back of her mind, Gwen pressed forward.

“Actually, you can come if you want,” Gwen said, before giving him a brief idea of what was happening.

Colin nodded, still confused.

“We’ll explain it more at the meeting,” Gwen assured.

“Can we eat after?” Colin asked.

Gwen frowned slightly, knowing that she was probably going to debrief with her friends after.

“Not immediately, but maybe after thirty minutes or so?” She said.

Colin pursed his lips but agreed quickly.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow,” She said.

“Okay,” Colin said.

Gwen stepped away but paused. Colin was still holding firmly to her hand. She smiled and looked at him with raised eyebrows.

“I hate to do this,” she teased, “but I’m going to need my hand.”

Colin grinned.

“How badly do you need it?” He replied.

Gwen tried to fight the smile coming on her face.

“Pretty badly,” She said.

“Well there’s a price for everything,” Colin said, grinning wolfishly.

“Hmm…” Gwen mused, “Will this do?”

Without another word she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Colin’s. She meant for the kiss to last only a few seconds, but Colin put his arm around her waist, securing her to him for a few more moments. His tongue teased at her closed lips and Gwen opened to him.

Her willingness seemed to surprise him because he didn’t react for a moment, but he quickly regained his wits and intensified the kiss.

 Gwen kissed him back, feeling warm. Eventually he pulled back and rested his head on her forehead.

“Wow,” He whispered, his voice deeper than before.

Gwen smiled, pleased with herself.

“Wow, indeed,” She said.

She pulled away and smiled at him. He stroked her cheek and stared into her eyes. Gwen tugged on her robes and stepped away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” She said softly, biting her lip.

“Bye,” Colin said, still grinning.

Gwen turned and began to walk away lightly, with a slight spring in her step. She felt calmer than she had in a week. All she needed was a good snog. She snorted, amused by her own thoughts.

She continued her way through the castle. She turned the corner and sulking down the hall she caught sight of her bespectacled friend. She quietly made her way towards him, wrapping her arm around his shoulder.

She felt him jump slightly at the contact.

“What’s got you down in the dumps, Potter?” She said.

Harry looked at her, noticing the lightness of her face.

“You look happy,” He noticed.

Gwen grinned, but shrugged her shoulders.

“Things alright with Colin, then?” He predicted.

“Yeah, we worked it out,” Gwen said, before adding, “He’s coming tomorrow.”

Harry stayed quiet for a moment before muttering a reply.

“Great.”

“What do you have against Colin?” Gwen questioned, a little surprised.

“It’s not Colin,” Harry said, looking at her.

Gwen pulled away from him so she could lean against the wall to face him.

“What is it then?” She asked, her voice soft.

Harry sighed, rubbing his forehead roughly.

“I don’t know how to teach anyone,” He began, the words falling unpracticed and choppy, “about the things I know. I don’t know where to begin.”

Gwen nodded sympathetically.

“You start at the beginning,” She advised, “Pick a spell, and describe the state of being you need to be in, and we practice.”

“That easy, huh?” Harry said, looking at her.

Gwen reached forward and hugged him.

“That easy,” She promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update in the span of a few days! That's a record, I think. Well I hope you guys enjoyed it. I know there's no Draco/Gwen, but I want this to be a cohesive and intelligent story about the journey that Gwen and Draco are on. Gwen really does like Colin and with the pressure of her friends and her own guilt, she's going to try and make it work for as long as she can. But sometimes that's not enough...  
> Anyways, I don't know when the next update will be. Hopefully soon. I hope you all enjoy it and you feel your hearts softening a bit towards Colin. I've realized that it's easier to like Colin when Draco isn't around because you just want Gwen and Draco to be together. All in a good time...or maybe not. You never know, do you? Well. I do. But - sometimes I don't. Sometimes the story ends up in places I didn't expect. I've actually outlined more of Year 6 and the Final Year not at Hogwarts than I have of any other Year. I initially started at the end and so now I'm working my backwards to create all these links. So then. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and you're looking forward to the next. Let me know what you think!!


	8. The Gift of Giving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer - I do not own the Harry Potter Universe - that's J.K. Rowling's wonderful baby child. I only own my own baby child - Gwen.   
> Kudus, comment, and bookmark! xxxx

They sat in The Hog’s Head, an old quiet bar away from the noise and the clamor of their usual spot. Gwen sat between Ron and Harry. Harry’s shoulder brushed against hers as he ended the meeting and sank down next to her.

Everyone began to get up and disperse slowly. Hermione leaned over Harry slightly, looking at Gwen with wide, slightly pleading eyes.

“I think that went well,” She said quietly.

Gwen turned and looked at her. They hadn’t spoken since the library incident and Gwen felt just as bad, so she smiled at her friend.

“It did,” She agreed.

Hermione smiled in response. Before she could say anything her eyes flickered behind Gwen. Gwen followed Hermione’s eyes and turned around.

Colin smiled down at her.

“Lunch later?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Gwen said, standing up and quickly leaning over Ron, who leaned back in fear of accidentally touching something he wasn’t supposed to.

“Just give me twenty minutes?” Gwen said quickly.

Colin nodded, his hair flopping into his eyes.

“I’ll go get us a table,” he said, leaning down to peck her lips quickly.

Gwen smiled and nodded her head, watching him walk away.

“Gwen?” Ron said, slightly exasperated.

Gwen turned and realized that Ron was leaning all the way back to give her space.

“Sorry, Ron,” Gwen said quickly and sat down.

“How are you feeling?” She asked Harry.

“Alright, they seemed to believe me,” He said.

His voice wasn’t quiet, but it fell softly. Gwen held his arm.

“You’re doing something great, Harry,” she said softly, “You’re helping everyone protect themselves.”

Harry nodded slightly, but said nothing. Instead he took a big breath and looked at his friends, offering them all wan smile.

“Let’s go,” He said and they all shuffled out of their seats and towards the door. The cold brisk afternoon stung Gwen’s cheeks, but she welcomed the change - happy to cool down from the stress inside the pub. 

“I’m going to head back to the castle,” Harry said, kicking snow.

His friends frowned at him.

“You sure, mate?” Ron asked concerned, eyeing his best friend.

Harry nodded.

“Get some homework done,” Harry said.

Ron frowned, clearly not buying it, but said nothing.

“Okay, we’ll see you later then,” Ron said, pulling a reluctant Hermione away.

An obstinate Gwen stayed still, analyzing Harry in a way she knew he hated.

“Are you sure?” She asked.

“Yeah,” He said, “Besides – you have plans.”

“Colin would understand,” Gwen said frowning.

Harry smirked meanly.

“Right, because I’m sure he just loves when you spend time with me.”

Gwen balked slightly, staring at him.

“What is wrong with all of you?” She cried out, throwing her hands up in the air, “First Hermione, now you. What’s your problem with Colin and my relationship? Why do you all just feel like you can say whatever you want? You’re supposed to my best friends.”

Harry opened his mouth, but Gwen put her hand up – silencing him.

“Save it,” She said angrily, feeling tears of frustration well up in her eyes.

She stalked away, aware that people were staring. Gwen fought the urge to throw snow at Harry, maybe put a rock inside.

She walked far away and dipped behind a small building. She leaned against the wall behind and closed her eyes as she thumped her head gently against its cool surface. She wiped the tears that snuck from her eyes and puffed out a breath of frustration.

She heard soft steps crunch through the snow, walking towards her.

Keeping her eyes closed, Gwen snapped angrily, her voice breaking from the tears.

“I don’t want to hear it, Harry. Just leave me alone.”

The footsteps stopped but after a few seconds of no retreat, Gwen opened her eyes to yell at him again.

“I said just le….”

The words faded from her lips as she stared at her unexpected visitor.

“Oh, Colin,” she said surprised.

His face was darker than usual as he watched her quickly wipe the remaining tears from her face.

“I didn’t know it was you,” she said lamely.

“What happened?” He asked quietly.

“Nothing, really,” Gwen said, switching her mask back on.

Colin stared at her practiced neutrality with more skepticism than Gwen was used to. It was like he didn’t really want to believe she was alright so he was determined to see through her façade.

“You looked like you were fighting Potter,” Colin commented.

Gwen stayed silent for a moment.

“It wasn’t really a fight,” She conceded, “He was just being a prat.”

Colin didn’t laugh. Instead he walked over to her and wrapped his long arms around her.

Gwen sniffled and buried herself into his embrace, feeling warmer than she had in days. She felt a few more tears slide out of her eyes.

Colin said nothing for awhile; he just pressed his face into the beanie on the top of her head and stroked her long hair, as it fell down her back. Gwen sniffled again and wiped her eyes on the scratchy wool of his coat.

“Why do you let him do that to you?” Colin asked quietly.

“What do you mean?” Gwen mumbled against his chest.

Keeping his arms around her, Colin leaned back, wiping a stray tear from Gwen’s cheek.

“Why do you let him make you so upset?” He clarified.

Gwen looked at Colin’s face, noting the sympathetic pull of his features. Colin’s summer tan skin had faded to a natural British paleness, a few freckles standing out on his nose still. His long brown bangs laid in a fluffy heap on his forehead, skimming the tops of his wide calf eyes. His eyelashes, short and thick framed his eyes gently, as he blinked softly at her. His mouth, slightly chapped, was turned down at the edges in empathy. There was no maliciousness or jealousy in his features, just concern.

Gwen, in her hopelessly romantic way of being, couldn’t help but notice all these things. The writer in her couldn’t help but notice the snow and the slight roughness of Colin’s thumb on her skin. She didn’t want to fight with Colin anymore. She didn’t want her friends to fight with her about Colin anymore. So instead of answering him, she leaned forward and kissed him gently. She held onto the wrist that was pressing against her cheek still. Feeling a deep tug in her stomach as she continued to kiss Colin.

Yes, things had been rough the last few weeks, but he was here. He was here holding her gently and caring. Maybe that would be enough for now.

***A few weeks later***

“No, someone else checked it out before I could grab it,” Arden Lee said, clearly irritated as she stabbed at the eggs on her plate.

Gwen smiled sympathetically.

“Did you fill out a request form? They’ll notify you when it’s returned,” Gwen advised.

Arden’s facial expression implied that she hadn’t known about that.

“Wow, Arden,” Colin teased, “A Gryffindor is giving you advice on the library. That’s gotta be embarrassing.”

The Ravenclaw’s around them laugh as Arden growled angrily.

“He insulted your House,” Arden said, looking at Gwen, “If I were you, I’d hit him right now.”

Gwen turned and looked at Colin with raised eyebrows.

“I don’t feel the need to, really,” she replied casually, swirling her pumpkin juice around, “I’ll just let the class rankings speak for themselves.”

She took a sip of her drink and grinned widely at the shame that crossed the Ravenclaw’s features. It was their ultimate failure that Hermione Granger, a Gryffindor, sat at the top of the class.

“Granger’s barely human, the way she studies,” Ethan Thomas muttered.

Gwen continued to grin.

“Don’t be petty,” She said.

Although her tone was light there was a slight warning in her tone. Something the Ravenclaw’s had come to recognize as the sound of a fierce protectiveness of both her friends and her house, regardless of who her boyfriend was.

As the conversation moved onto smoother territory, Gwen allowed herself to simply zone out. She sat at the Ravenclaw table at breakfast for most days now. After the day in the snow, she had been filled with a newfound vigor to make her relationship work. If it meant sacrificing a bit of comfort by sitting with Colin’s friend, she would do it.

It wasn’t like he was friends with ogres. She liked most of them like Arden and she was able to ignore the ones she didn’t like.

After a while, Gwen felt Colin’s hand on her knee. He squeezed it gently, imploring her to look up at him.

“You alright?” He asked quietly, his voice heavy with implication.

This question was tricky. Since the day he’d seen her crying, Colin had increasingly checked on her wellbeing. Gwen thought it was rather sweet at first, but after a week or two it was getting a bit annoying – at this point she was never going to frown again.

“Just listening,” She said lightly, hoping to squish any further questions.

Colin smiled at her.

“I know the conversation probably isn’t as interesting as you’re used to.”

Gwen’s expression turned quizzical.

“What do you mean?”

“You guys,” He said, referring to her friends, she guessed, “always just look like you’re talking about something secret.”

Gwen laughed slightly at that, though she heard a nervous edge to it.

“It’s really not that interesting,” She said, “It’s usually just Hermione lecturing us for putting off our homework to the last minute.”

Colin laughed, but continued.

“Still, you are friends with Harry Potter and we both know there’s always something,” He said.

Gwen frowned and her face went hard in defense. This is what had been bothering her. Colin, since joining Dumbledore’s Army and having Gwen’s sudden constancy, had begun to develop a habit of assuming a type of familiarity when it came to Gwen’s friends – as if he knew them as well, or better than she did.

She sat quietly and stared at Colin, waiting for him to apologize, retract, or rectify what he said. 

Instead of doing any of the three, Colin simply said:

“I’m just saying.”

He started to elaborate before Gwen interrupted.

“Yeah, I know what you’re saying.”

Although her voice was quiet, as to not draw the attention of his friends, it was still razor sharp in a way she had been repressing for so long.

She began to stand up slowly.  

“Gwen, wait,” Colin said, gently tugging her back down.

“I’m sorry,” He pleaded, “Don’t be mad.”

Gwen sighed, looking into his romantic eyes and feeling a gripping sensation around her throat.

“I’m not mad,” She said truthfully, “I’m just tired of having this conversation.”

She looked at her then, daring him to argue with her implication.

“Harry’s my friend, Colin,” She continued after a moment, feeling the tension in her neck dissipate slightly, “He’s one of my best friends. You don’t get to talk about him like that.”

“You’re right,” Colin agreed.

Gwen stared for a moment before nodding, knowing that he was just saying that to placate her. But she didn’t want to be in a fight with Colin. She didn’t want to fight with anyone anymore.

“I’ll see you later,” Gwen said, trying to smile so he wouldn’t fret too much.

“Today?” He asked hopefully.

Gwen tried to repress the sigh building with her, filling her throat again.

“Yeah, maybe,” She said.

Colin smiled widely and stood up to kiss her quickly.

Gwen had somewhat gotten used to the kissing in public thing. She didn’t really mind the publicity part and she rather liked the kissing itself. She didn’t like her cheeks still flushed every time though.

She quickly waved goodbye to Colin’s friends and began to her over to her beloved House table. She sat down next to Ron, leaning against his familiarly for a moment – absorbing it with her eyes closed.

“Is it really that hard to have a boyfriend?” Ron asked.

Gwen laughed against her will.

“Only if you’re a hermit, like me.”

Gwen opened her eyes to look at her friends, immediately noticing the bags under Harry’s eyes.

“I think it’s really lovely that you’re spending time with Colin,” Hermione said kindly.

Things had mostly gone back to normal with the two friends, except that they never spoke about Gwen’s relationship.

Gwen smiled at her friend in thanks.

“He seems to enjoy it,” She said, puffing out a large breath before continuing, “I need to get him a present for Christmas – actually I need to get all of your presents for Christmas – well except for Hermione’s. I already got that.”

“Wow, I love being an afterthought,” Ron said sarcastically.

“I found it a while ago,” Gwen justified, before looking at her best friend, “You’re going to love it.”

Hermione grinned.

“I’ve got your present as well,” she said.

“Probably knitted you on of those ugly hats or something,” Ron muttered.

Gwen wiped the grin off of her face as she and Harry listened to Hermione snap at Ron. It didn’t seem to bother him though.

“I can’t wait for Christmas,” Ron groaned.

“Yeah?” Gwen said smiling at him.

“Going home and forgetting the term is even happening?” Ron said, huffing out a laugh in a Ron-ish way.

Harry and Gwen laughed while Hermione frowned at him.

“I can’t wait to go home,” Gwen sighed happily.

“One more day,” Harry said, smiling at her.

“I’m leaving earlier than the rest of you,” Gwen said, working out a plan in her head, “I have to go to Hogsmeade tonight.”

“I’d offer to come with you…” Hermione said.

Gwen grinned.

They all knew that Gwen insisted on shopping for presents on her own. She never knew how long it would take her since she waited until the perfect thing screamed out to her before making a decision.

Gwen took gift giving seriously.

It was this pride in being a great gift giver that had Gwen trudging through the holiday snow later that day. Hogsmeade was uncharacteristically quiet for a Friday, but most of the students had already left. Even though she was desperate to be home with Adora, she wanted to spend as much time with her friends as she could.

She quickly made her way through Honeyduke’s, deciding to start there. Within ten minutes she found an edible chess set, each piece a different flavor. The box read along the front: _Brought to you from the makers of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans!_

Gwen picked up the advanced version of the game. It was enchanted so only one player was needed. Every time the player outmaneuvered the enchanted pieces, the pieces would be available for eating and the flavors were promised to be some sort of delicious combination. If the player attempted to eat it before they had properly removed it from the board, the piece would deliver a rancid flavor to the cheater.

_Ron would definitely enjoy the challenge_ , she thought giddily.

Gwen smiled happily as she tapped the box so it would float up to the register. She continued to make her way through the store, hoping to find something for Harry or Colin here as well.

She stared at a bouquet of edible hearts. She thought about Colin for a second before shaking her head. First, that was a horrible gift. Second, that was embarrassingly cheesy. After forty-five minutes, she checked out and moved on to Zonko’s joke shop. Certain she wouldn’t find anything for Harry in there, but maybe for Colin she walked into the shop.

She rarely ever came into Zonko’s, mostly because she didn’t play jokes. But she knew the Weasley twins were in love with it and had been involved in a few of their pranks in the past.

After half an hour she realized she had absolutely no idea what to get Colin. Perhaps she should just get him a sweater and be done with it.

The thought had her pausing. How is it that she couldn’t think of a single thing to buy her boyfriend of nearly six months? She knew Colin spoke about quidditch quite a bit. He was on the Ravenclaw’s quidditch team. Maybe she should buy him some broom polish. She made her way down to a nearby shop where she knew some was sold.

_How romantic…_ She thought bitterly to herself, as she grabbed the polish from the shelf. She walked down before stopping in front of some gloves. Harry’s had been looking a little worse for wear, Gwen remembered. She picked up a shiny black pair, thankful she didn’t have to worry about sizes since the gloves were charmed to adjust comfortably to the owner’s hands.

A familiar sense of excitement filled Gwen’s stomach as she found yet another wonderful present. The excitement quickly faded as she looked down the polish in her hand. It shouldn’t be this hard.

Maybe she should just get Colin a pair of gloves too. She immediately rejected the idea. The thought of getting Colin the same present as Harry felt wrong. She sighed and continued to walk through the shop, hoping to find something other than the polish.

“Excuse me, sir,” Gwen said to a shop worker.

He didn’t seem like a teenager, but he had a gangly look of one. He was taller than her with blonde hair and blue eyes. He smiled widely at her, revealing two rows of crooked teeth.

“Can I help yah with something, luv?” He said.

“Is there anything you could recommend for a…” Gwen began, before stopping, “Never mind.”

“You sure, luv?” He asked.

“Yeah, thank you though.” She said quickly before making her way up to the register.

Although she wanted to ask for help, her pride wouldn’t let her.

_It shouldn’t be this hard._

The thought ran through her mind again.

“The polish as well?” The older man at the register asked her.

Gwen looked at the small tub in her hand. She squeezed it slightly before releasing it.

“No thank you,” She said, handing it to the cashier.

She paid for Harry’s present and quickly left the shop. She stood out in the snow for a moment, allowing the cold to hit her as hard as it wanted. Huffing out a breath she quickly went to Zonko’s and purchased the edible heart candies.

“Changed your mind?” The woman at the cashier said kindly.

“I’m trying not too,” Gwen said, smiling weakly.

 “Happy holidays,” The woman said cheerfully, handing Gwen her bag.

“Happy holidays,” Gwen murmured, feeling unexpectedly weighted down by the bag.

She walked out of the shop, wanting to give up but still needing to buy Adora something before she went back to the castle.

She scanned the area for a moment before making her way into an old antique shop she had been too a few times. She rarely bought anything, as the prices were far too much for a casual purchase, but as a gift for Adora she’d be willing to spend more.

The door a small tinkling sound as she walked in.

“Hello, dear,” A kind voice floated out from the front of the store.

“Hello,” Gwen said kindly.

The elderly woman had curly white hair, standing up on its own volition it almost distracted from the woman’s kind gentle face.

“It’s a slow night,” She said, “Only and some other gentleman in here.”

Gwen nodded and thanked her for the information before making her way through the shop.

She quickly spotted a few journals. She gently stroked the leather cover.

“Those are interesting,” The elder woman said appearing.

Gwen looked back at her.

“Why’s that?”

“They’re Blot Pages,” She said.

Gwen raised her eyebrows in question.

“Blot Pages?”

The woman nodded her head enthusiastically.

“You write down whatever, and the ink will change into an image – describing how you feel, but hiding the words from prying eyes. Perfect for someone who enjoys privacy.”

“Hmm…” Gwen murmured, looking down at the journal, “I do love privacy.”

The woman laughed heartily, a surprising sound from such a frail looking appearance.

“Well keep looking, there’s quite of few things in here to help preserve it. Shout if you need anything, dear.”

“I will,” Gwen said, thanking her.

She watched the woman disappear behind the wall and looked back down at the journals. The one she had picked was a deep brown leather, distressed in an artful way. Very indie.

“Buying gifts?” A familiar voice called out.

Gwen turned to look, almost surprised by how unsurprised she felt.

“Better late than never,” She said jokingly.

Draco responded with a crooked smirk.

“Who’s that for?” He asked, walking towards her.

“Me, I think,” Gwen said.

“I’m not sure if someone’s mentioned this to you,” Draco began seriously, “but that’s not how gifts work.”

Gwen huffed out a laugh.

“It’s okay to buy yourself presents as a reward for buying other people’s presents,” Gwen argued, “It’s called _incentive_.”

Draco laughed at that.

“Fair enough,” He said, “Although an incentive for buying gifts should really be altruistic in motive, should it not?”

Gwen nodded, turning to face him fully.

“The motive is definitely selfless, but if the opportunity arises for a little self-appreciation,” Gwen said, tapping the journal, “Does it make me less good of a person to take advantage of it?”

“I see your point,” Draco conceded, still smiling.

He was massively enjoying this exchange. He liked watching Gwen’s eyes flash as she listened to him and replied. Her eyes moved quickly, perhaps mimicking the motions of her thoughts. She was a sight, that was for sure.

“Besides, I think it’s alright to reward myself. This term hasn’t been exactly easy,” She said.

Draco nodded.

“Oh my god,” Gwen said suddenly.

“What?” Draco asked.

Gwen, with her mouth agape, turned and shoved the journal in his face.

“What?” Draco repeated, not sure what he was supposed to be looking at.

“Look at the price,” Gwen hissed.

Draco nodded.

“That’s a lot,” He said, but his voice was unsure, as if he never thought about the price of things before.

“For a journal – yes, it is,” Gwen confirmed before promptly putting the book down.

“What happened to rewarding yourself?” Draco asked, as Gwen moved down the aisle.

She snorted.

“I’m all for rewarding myself, but I draw the line at potentially bankrupting myself over paper. Parchment will work just fine for my thoughts,” She said primly.

Draco stayed quiet. It might have been expensive for a journal, but it wasn’t a price that would’ve stopped him. He didn’t know that much about Gwen’s personal life – including her family’s financial situation – but she seemed insulted by the price of the journal.

“Are you only shopping for yourself?” Draco asked, following her throughout the aisles.

Gwen grinned, even though he couldn’t see it.

“I’m looking for my mother actually,” She said.

Draco nodded, even though she wasn’t looking at him.

“Do you mind if I tag along?” He asked, “I’m also looking for a present for my mother.”

“Sure, as long as you don’t mind silence. I like to concentrate when I’m buying presents,” Gwen said seriously, casting her eyes at him.

Draco smirked at her serious expression, but nodded.

Gwen grinned at him in response before turning away. He couldn’t help but find it a little hard to breathe. How did she smile like that? A flash, an instant. She could just grin and it wasn’t awkward or forceful. She could just grin whenever she wanted and it fit. It fit so well on her face that it hurt his chest thinking about it. If she smiled at everyone like that, it was a miracle she’d managed to stay single for as long as she had.

Thinking of her boyfriend made Draco frown as he watched Gwen crouch low to look at a pile of cushions. Her fingers danced along the heavy embroidery, as her lips pursed.

He had noticed the increased affection between the two these last few weeks. Gwen had begun to eat breakfast with him almost everyday and he had seen them in the library and around the castle more often. In fact, he had seen more of Gwen outside than normal. He had also noticed the strained expression on her face when no one was looking at her. She had started to look like someone tightened a screw too tightly in her neck. It was the same expression she had when he had seen her walk into the shop.

He looked down at her again; her attention was now on a scarf. She didn’t look tense now. Her face was thoughtful, but her posture was relaxed and her eyes were still flashing. She was really something. He never noticed it while he was talking to her, but when she was silent he realized how small she actually was. She was maybe 5’3 or 5’4 – not exactly short, but not exactly tall. He also knew from watching it happen that she did not like to be called short. He’d seen her hex one of the Weasley twins for calling her as much.

He watched her rise on her toes before slowly coming back down, just flexing gently as she mulled ideas over in her head. Unlike most shorter girls, she wasn’t necessarily small in proportion. She was definitely slender, but in muggle clothing he saw a small waist that flared out gently to a pair of womanly hips.

She bent suddenly, looking around to the collection of scarves. He saw her lips move subtly, as if she was talking to herself.

_She probably is,_ he thought to himself with a grin.

Gwen grabbed the scarf and turned to look at him with a triumphant look.

“My mother will love this,” She declared.

“It’s nice,” Draco said, hoping to please her.

Gwen frowned.

“No, it’s perfect,” She insisted, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Feel it,” She demanded, thrusting the scarf into his hands.

“It’s very soft,” Draco said.

Gwen frowned, as if she was growing increasingly irritated by his simple response.

“My mother has sensitive skin, so she can’t wear anything that scratchy,” Gwen said, launching into a detailed explanation, “This scarf is soft enough where she could wear it for a long time without developing any sensitivity. Also look at the pattern.”

Draco looked down at the scarf. It was cream colored and definitely soft in texture, like Gwen insisted. It also had maroon embroidery – it was a floral design. Draco looked back up at Gwen with arched eyebrows.

She grew more flustered and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it.

“My mother loves flower’s; she’s a gardener,” Gwen continued, “She also loves maroon because of what it symbolizes.”

“What does it symbolize?” Draco prompted, thoroughly enjoying the fire burning in Gwen’s eyes.

Gwen grinned, happy with his inquiry. He would ask her a million more questions, if it meant she would continue to smile at him like that.

“Earth,” She said, “the color is associated with clay so it symbolizes healing and growth.”

Draco felt a strange pull in his stomach as he watched Gwen’s eyes. The light amber color of them reminded him of the sun. They weren’t maroon, but they looked as if they had their own healing powers.

“It’s perfect,” He murmured.

Gwen smiled brightly, looking up at him. It was only then that he realized how close they were standing to one another. Her neck was craned slightly to look into his eyes. He noticed the way her thick, dark eyebrows framed her amber eyes. They set up the way for her high cheekbones and prominent nose and luscious lips. She had such a small face, Draco mused to himself, how did all of her features fit on it so beautifully.

“Yeah,” Gwen said softly, looking at him.

He watched her gaze drop to his lips before coming back up to his eyes. Her expression was full of questions, confusion, but…Draco saw something else in their luminous expression. He saw something that made his stomach flip and his hands fist.

He saw desire.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. So.   
> It's been a long time. A ridiculously long time. Maybe a month or more. I don't even know anymore and I apologize for all of that. My break wasn't as relaxing as I'd hope and it's a weird long story and a lot of traveling. I'm now back in school full force and am feeling a little bit overwhelmed but mostly okay. I wrote this chapter in part during one of my classes last week and just got around to writing it today. I sat and worked on this - writing, editing, writing again - for around 2 hours. Instead of working on my Language and Globalization assignment because I love you guys more than I love language and/or globalization, although we have both to thank for this story. 
> 
> As a bit of a thank you, I made it extra long and with extra OOMPH (in my humble opinion). So please don't give up on me, you guys. I love all of your comments - they seriously give me life. Also commenting just inspires more writing, you know what I mean? For all of my regulars and all the new people who find it - seriously, tell me what you think or just what you're thinking in general. I love talking to you all. Thank you again for being so patient. xxxx


	9. Spiraling Down Fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, and bookmark! xxxx

Gwen couldn’t believe she was standing so close to Draco in real life. In her head or her visions or whatever they were, yes she’d been closer to him – a lot closer, but this was real life. This was her right now close enough to Draco Malfoy that if she wanted to kiss him, she’d only have to tug his face down to hers.

She stared at him carefully, observing the strangely familiar look on his face. His eyes were soft and hazy. Gwen felt an overwhelming sense of nausea in her stomach; it wasn’t butterflies and it wasn’t like she needed to puke – it was like she had a million butterflies in her stomach that needed to puke.

She opened her mouth slightly, mostly because she hadn’t been breathing since last spoke.

_Say something_ , she thought furiously.

“Are your eyes grey or blue?” She asked.

She would’ve slapped herself in the face, if she hadn’t already made such a fool of herself.

 “Blue,” he said, although he sounded unsure.

“They look grey,” Gwen pointed out.

“I guess they’re grey sometimes too,” Draco said, still watching her carefully.

Gwen nodded sharply.

“My eyes really don’t change color,” She began to ramble, “They’re mostly this color, but sometimes they get darker.”

What was she even talking about anymore? It was like the more she spoke, the less sense she made. Draco nodded slowly, as if she was mentally slow. He smiled crookedly, his eyes still pillowy.

“You’re very beautiful,” He responded.

Gwen stammered but didn’t actually make noise.

“What?” She said.

The word sounded like a gasp, which made her feel even more foolish than it previously had. This wasn’t a soap opera, for Merlin’s sake.

 Draco seemed to be enjoying her breathlessness.

“You’re beautiful,” He said again.

His voice was light – as if he was simply commenting on the weather or stating a historical fact.

“Why…” Gwen began, before pausing to swallow, “Are you saying that?”

She felt weak in her knees, like some ridiculous school girl. Gwen was suddenly very grateful to not be wearing her uniform, as to not round out the image.

Draco smiled at her question. Because although she was surprised by his comment, she was clearly not repulsed by it.

“I said it because I was thinking it,” He said.

His eyes were now lighter than Gwen had ever seen them. They were a bright silver, like an oyster in the sea waiting to unlock a pearly treasure.

“Do you always say what you’re thinking?” Gwen asked.

Draco’s smile turned soft, he was almost purring as he watched her with a lazy tenderness that set her skin on fire.

_Bedroom eyes,_ Gwen thought, before mentally slapping herself again.

“Not usually,” He murmured.

Gwen huffed out a laugh through her nose before smiling crookedly at him.  

“I don’t think I’ve ever been called beautiful before,” She commented, before pulling away from their closeness.

She didn’t see the frown on his face as he followed her down the aisle.

“You mean your boyfriend has never called you beautiful?” He asked, clearly appalled.

Gwen paused to think. She couldn’t remember a specific instance, but she was sure it had come up at some point.

“Oh, yeah,” She said lightly, clearly unbothered.

“How do you forget something like that?” Draco grumbled.

Gwen turned and looked at him from over her shoulder. Amused by his expression she laughed.

“I’m sorry,” she teased, “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

He could tell she was making fun of him and it was obvious to her that he didn’t know how to handle it. So instead he just remained silent and turned to attention to a few fancy looking quills.

Gwen felt bad. He’d only complimented her and turned her brain into a pile of molten mush full of romantic idioms and fervor.

“Hey,” She called, feeling implored to gently touch his arm.

Draco’s eyes cast down to her hand and she wanted to rip it away, but she kept it still until his eyes came back up to meet hers.

“Thank you,” Gwen said.

Draco crinkled his brow.

“For what?” he asked with a gravely voice.

“For calling me beautiful,” Gwen said, smiling gently at him.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he insisted.

Gwen grinned.

“I know,” she said, “I guess it just caught me off guard.”

“How so?” He asked.

Gwen noticed her hand was still on his sleeve and she pulled away slowly, trying to ignore the disappointment on both of their faces.

“Well I guess I’m just not use to people just randomly calling me beautiful,” She tried to rationalize.

Draco quipped his eyebrows at her.

“It’s not a sad self-confidence thing,” Gwen said, crossing her arms, “It’s just an observable fact.”

“Perhaps,” Draco allowed, stuffing his hands inside his jacket, “But that’s probably has more to do with them being intimidated by you rather than your lack of beauty.”

Gwen focused on the intimidating part because otherwise she’d focus on the way he said “beauty.”

“It’s always bothered me when boys say that,” Gwen said.

“Which part?”

“When they call girls ’intimidating’” Gwen clarified, “It just feels like a way for boys to punish girls when they don’t fall apart with glee when a boy talks to them.”

Draco paused for a moment, taking in what she said.

“I wasn’t trying to punish you,” He said.

Gwen tried to ignore the dirty thoughts threatening to break through her expression. From the sudden smirk on Draco’s face, he must have read said thoughts.   

“But you get it right?” She persisted, ignoring the blush rising to her cheeks.

She wanted him to scoff and make a sexist comment because then it would be easier to walk away and end whatever was happening right now.

“I get it,” He agreed, watching her.

After a few moments under his gaze, Gwen felt nervous again. Without meaning to she let go of the bags in her hands and jumped as they hit the ground. All of the gifts remained in the bag except for Harry’s gloves.

Draco picked them up and Gwen suddenly felt strangely protective. She quickly grabbed them out of his hands without consciously meaning to.

Draco stared at her, his hands still up.

“A present,” She offered lamely, as if that would explain her sudden behavior.

“Potter,” Draco guessed.

Gwen nodded, as she felt the weight of the pause as they watched each other. All the comfortableness of their conversation faded away.

Neither of them spoke for a time. Gwen wondered how long they could have stayed like that, but she spoke before they could find out.

“Will it always be like this?” She asked, “when I mention my friends?”

The question was heavier than anything they’d ever discussed in their few interactions with each other. Without meaning to, she revealed how deeply this connection went. If he noticed it, he didn’t acknowledge it. He focused on his own pride – it was easier that way.

“Well what about my friends?” He countered.

Gwen scoffed out of reflex.

“Who? Crabbe and Goyle?”

Her voice was sharp with judgement and she knew that Draco heard it too.

“What does that mean?” He asked darkly.

The conversation was taking a quick spiral down. Draco narrowed his eyes at Gwen, looking every inch of Slytherin he was brought up to be.

“What?” Gwen huffed at him.

Her back went ramrod straight, as she glared right back at him.

“You think your friends are better than mine,” Draco accused.

“So what?” Gwen snapped, “My friends are better than yours.”

His eyes flashed angrily.

“Oh, you and your crown prince Potter, huh?” He spat out with clenched fists.

Gwen gritted her teeth angrily.

“We’re fighting for something,” She said passionately, “We’re fighting _against_ something.”

They both paused at that, rearing back slightly as the implication sat between them – pushing them apart.

Gwen, realizing what she said, tried to backtrack.

“Draco…I -” she began.

“Don’t” he said darkly, cutting her off.

Gwen would have normally walked away at this point. As a fervent hater or any and all confrontation, it went against her nature to stay rooted in her spot trying to work it out with the angry blonde boy in front of her.

Gwen didn’t know how Draco felt about confrontation. From what she’d seen of him in the past, he wasn’t a stranger to it, but he said nothing as they watched each other. Neither of them fighting, but neither moving away. She had a feeling that this stillness in them both meant something.

“Don’t run away,” she whispered.

Draco looked at her with hopeless eyes.

“This would never work,” he murmured.

“You don’t know that,” Gwen said, surprising both of them.

“You’re fighting against something,” Draco repeated back to her, the anger gone from his voice.

“Don’t. Not now,” Gwen said heavily, “Not yet.”

Draco said nothing. He looked at her with desperate eyes and listened to her pleading voice. Both were moving in time with the staccato beat of his heart and so he nodded his head.

“Not yet,” he agreed.

Gwen took a deep breath, giving him an anxious smile.

***

When Gwen finally made her way back to the common room, Draco’s eyes followed her thoughts. She’d asked him to not yet get into whatever it was that would complicate whatever was happening between them.

She raced to her room without looking away and put her bags into her trunk. She was leaving in the morning and she was suddenly very tentative about leaving. Maybe she could talk to Adora about this when she got home.

Escaping her thoughts, Gwen went down to the Common Room. She found all three of her friends by the fire, speaking quietly.

Gwen plopped down and leaned her head on Hermione’s shoulder.

“You’ll never believe what just happened,” Hermione said.

Gwen looked up at.

“What?” She said, intrigued.

Hermione looked at Harry for a moment before turning back to Gwen.

“Harry kissed Cho,” she said.

Gwen felt her jaw draw open. She turned to look at Harry. Her already wide eyes wider with surprise.

“You’re joking,” she exclaimed.

“Thanks a lot,” Harry grumbled.

Gwen laughed.

“Oh, no, Harry,” she apologized, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

Hermione and Ron laughed at her attempts.

“How was it?” Gwen asked.

She listened to the recounts from Harry and both her friends. Laughing at Ron’s snickering and nodding at Hermione’s defenses.

“Well, crying is sometimes romantic,” Gwen offered half-heartedly.

Harry groaned.

“You’re making it worse,” he said.

“Sorry,” Gwen grimaced, “Well it’s just an emotional thing, I guess. Moving on and all…”

“She loved Cedric,” Hermione said.

Gwen flinched slightly. She looked up and found Harry watching her, clearly confused by her reaction.

“Well, I’m sure she’ll come back after holiday dying to snog you again, Harry,” Gwen said, distracting her friends.

Ron grinned widely.

“Yeah, mate. Just let it sink in for now,” He offered.

They all laughed at that. Gwen sat happily with her friends, listening to them talk and watching the sporadic leaping of the fire. She leaned her head back on Hermione’s shoulder and enjoyed the rest of the night – looking forward to the holidays and the New Year.   

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait and post this later, but I can't just have a new chapter and let it sit there. So here you guys go! I decided to finish this chapter instead of finishing the last ten pages of Bonaventure I was assigned. Nonetheless, two chapters in the same week - I'm really good at ignoring my homework...
> 
> But if you guys enjoy it, then it's worth it to me. Let me know what you think! I live for comments. They motivate me to stick with this story!! Love you all :)


	10. Falling Into Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudus, comment, and bookmark! xxxx

Gwen sat on the train, her legs bouncing with impatience. She was looking out of the window, her eyes following the blending slopes of snowy hills. The monochromatic scene giving her nothing distinct to focus her attention on.

Colin squeezed her hand. She had forgotten he was holding it.

“Excited?” He asked her.

“Very” She said, smiling.

She turned back to the window, feeling more relaxed when she was facing it. There wasn’t any reason to be tense. She was sat in a compartment with Colin, Ethan, and Mara – Ethan’s girlfriend.

Gwen was actively, and albeit, a little rudely ignoring the conversation flowing around her. She was thinking about yesterday. She still couldn’t believe she had spent that much time with Draco.

It felt so natural.

“Gwen,” Colin said, gently squeezing her hand again, “Mara asked you a question.”

“Oh, sorry,” Gwen apologized, blushing slightly.

“It’s okay,” Mara said cheerfully before continuing, “I was just asking if your family also light caroling candles? Ethan think my family is the only one.”

She pointed her statement with a flirtatious elbow in her boyfriend’s side. Mara was physically the complete opposite of Gwen. She was tall, leggy, and wore her hair in a cool pixie cut. Her cerulean eyes were small, but bright with laughter and provided a nice setting for her fine-boned features. She looked like a model on the cover of Witch Weekly.

“No, we don’t” Gwen said apologetically.

“You should tell your parents to get some,” Mara said enthusiastically, “You have to charm them, but they last all season and there’s something weirdly satisfying to blow them out at the end.”

“What do you mean?” Gwen asked.

Mara grinned widely. Gwen noticed that she had a gap between her two front teeth, but it strangely made her more beautiful.

“They scream,” Mara said, “It’s pretty cool and you feel weirdly powerful.”

“How Slytherin of you,” Ethan teased.

Mara laughed and elbowed him again.

“The charm is on the back of the box,” Mara said again, “Just get one of your parents to do it.”

Gwen simply nodded with a smile, not wanting to get into her family’s magical limitations, but Colin interjected on her behalf.

“Gwen’s mom can’t do magic,” he said.

Mara looked at Gwen with surprise.

“You’re muggleborn?”

“She’s not,” Colin said.

Gwen turned to look at him – shocked that he was still offering information. Gwen wasn’t hiding her identity, but she was uncomfortable sharing personal information with people she didn’t know and wasn’t inclined to know better.

“Gwen’s adopted,” Colin said, completely ignorant of her stare.

“Oh, right,” Mara murmured, blushing with embarrassment, “I never knew if that was true or not.”

Gwen frowned in confusion.

“Why would that even be a rumor?” she asked.

“Well, you are kind of a mystery,” Mara said, “I mean, we were all kind of surprised when Colin and you started dating.”

Gwen felt a kick of embarrassment in her gut and her cheeks began to burn.

“Oh,” she muttered.

“Merlin, Mara,” Colin groaned in astonishment.

Mara’s face began to look panicked.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she insisted.

Her voice was high and strained as her tan cheeks filled with a blush.

“It’s okay,” Gwen said, forcing her face into a familiar mask of unaffected neutrality.

“I’m sorry,” Mara continued to insist.

Gwen eventually got tired of trying to reassure her and instead turned back to the window, remaining quiet for the rest of the ride. The only interaction she had for the remaining hours was when Colin kissed her hand at one point and she turned and gave him a smile before turning back to the window.

The thing about being around people you didn’t really want to be around was that it reminded you about everyone you’d rather be with.

She missed her friends. She now wished she had waited to leave with them in a few days, but she was eager to see Adora.

When the train finally stopped, Gwen was already standing. Colin stood up with her, still holding her. It was strange how she found it comforting earlier, but not it felt like a vice. Gwen tried to ignore the instinct to rip her hand away and sprint headfirst out of the compartment and off the train.

She instead avoided looking at Colin’s suddenly stifling expectant gaze. When they received the all-clear sign, Gwen quickly stepped out of the compartment, but Colin quickly tugged on her hand – holding her where she was, so close to fresh air and freedom.

“Hold on,” He said, waiting for his friends.

Gwen knew that Colin wasn’t aware that she was getting overwhelmed every second she had to remain on this train when she didn’t want to. She knew that he didn’t understand that she just simply couldn’t feel that she was done and she couldn’t explain to him why.

And knowing this, she knew she shouldn’t react harshly or meanly. But beyond all of this, she was desperate to move. So being overwhelmed by her impatience and the gnawing feeling in her stomach, Gwen spoke.

“Actually I should probably just go ahead. My mom’s waiting for me.”

Colin frowned, clearly disappointed.

“Oh,” he said, “I thought I would come see your mom with you.”

Gwen tried not to grind her teeth.

“What about your parents?”

“They’ll wait for me. Oh,” Colin said, before looking at her excitedly, “Our parents should meet.”

Gwen’s carefully held mask revealed nothing as she blinked, showing no signs of the internal scream running through body as she sought quickly for an answer.

“Maybe another time,” she said gently.

She looked at the crestfallen expression on Colin’s face and probably should have felt guilty, but all other emotions felt paltry compared to the growing unease that filled her every single second that she stood on this train.

She saw people walking past her and she waited patiently for Colin to build a bridge over this moment and get over it. She was desperate to leave and disregarded his obvious hurt.

“I’ll see you later,” Gwen said, leaning forward and quickly kissing his cheek, hoping that it somewhat helped.

Without saying goodbye to his friends, Gwen turned and practically ran off the train, apologizing to people as she bumped into them impatiently.

When she finally made her way onto the platform, she quickly scanned the crowd. Not seeing Adora, she crashed right into a throng of people, steadily moving between people hugging and chattering.

In hindsight, she knew it was a bad idea because it wasn’t before long before she tripped over someone and fell into someone else.

A pair of slim hands wrapped around the tops of her arms, righting up before letting go. Gwen looked up only to find a pair of shockingly familiar eyes.

“Are you alright?” The women asked.

Gwen paused in shock before quickly recovering.

“I am, thank you,” she said.

Gwen who exactly who this woman was through physicality alone.

Harry’s not the only one with his mother’s eyes, Gwen thought.

Narcissa Malfoy smiled at Gwen kindly and Gwen was suddenly grateful that she switched out of her robes before she left. Her house status was a mystery in her Muggle clothing.

“I’m sorry for falling all over you,” Gwen apologized.

“Don’t worry, dear,” Narcissa said, before commenting, “Excited to go home?”

As if suddenly remembering why she was on the platform in the first place, Gwen’s eyes tore away from Mrs. Malfoy.

“Yes, my mother,” Gwen said.

“How lucky your mother is to have a daughter so excited to her,” Narcissa mused gently.

Gwen smiled brightly at her.

“Yeah, she’s pretty lucky,” she joked.

Narcissa laughed. It was a tinkling sound, obviously refined from a young age and the result of a gentile upbringing. She focused on the molted-eyed girl with a crooked grin who stood in front of her. She had such a quick-changing expression, but her face was filled with a lightness that seemed incongruous with the wisdom in her eyes. This was a girl who had seen things. 

“You’d better go find her,” Narcissa said.

“Yes,” Gwen nodded, “It was nice to meet you,” she said, although she hadn’t even introduced herself.

Gwen looked at the stormy-eyed woman once more with a mixture of interest and attempted to suppress the instinctual pull of mistrust. She saw no hate in Mrs. Malfoy’s eyes, but that might just be because she didn’t realize all that Gwen was.

Gwen suddenly heard someone call her name and moved her head past Mrs. Malfoy to see Adora standing not ten feet away.

An overwhelming excitement unfurled in Gwen’s chest and a weird sound – something between a gasp and the squeal – fell from her mouth as she launched herself towards her mother.

Adora grasped Gwen tightly and lifted her up, swinging her short body around.

Gwen laughed happily, tightening her arms around her mother’s neck.

“I missed you,” Gwen said happily.

“I miss you too,” Adora said, as she put Gwen back on the ground.

Since Gwen could remember, Adora had always lifted her up in the air when she picked her up from the platform. Adora said that she had always figured the older Gwen got, she would eventually have to stop on account of Gwen being too big. But Gwen never grew past 5’2 and so the lifting continued.

Normally, Gwen would have objected to anyone lifting her, especially in public, but she always forgot that when she saw Adora waiting for her on the platform. It just reminded her how lucky she was to have someone waiting for her at all.

“All ready?” Adora asked, before looking over Gwen’s shoulder.

Gwen saw Adora offer a friendly smile and Gwen turned around to see the entirety of the Malfoy family watching them.

Mrs. Malfoy had a gentle smile on her face, as she watched the pair. Gwen’s gaze immediately turned towards Draco and blushed as she saw a similar smile on his face. His eyes sparkled with something heady and Gwen decided she wouldn’t mind being lifted by him either.

Adora suddenly tugged on her arm.

“I see Colin,” she said, raising her arm to call his attention.

Forgetting the Malfoy’s entirely, Gwen turned around and snatched Adora’s arm.

“Don’t, please,” she said, aware of how desperate she sounded.

Adora gave her a confused look, her forehead furrowing as she observed Gwen’s expression.

After a moment, she simply nodded. This nod was a silent acknowledgement that came with an equally silent “We’ll talk about this later.”

They quickly grabbed the rest of Gwen’s belongings and made their way off the platform.

Only when Adora turned the key in the ignition of their old station wagon, did Gwen finally take a deep gulp of air. She closed her eyes, breathing in the familiar scent of the car interior.

She was home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick chapter for all of you lovelies. I hope to have another one posted in the next few days, but don't hold me to that! But Gwen running into Narcissa...am I right? 
> 
> Side question that's got nothing to do with the story. If any of you are in college/university and are thinking about grad schools, can we talk about that? Because I'm thinking about grad school and I want to talk about with someone else and I've already exhausted all of my friends. 
> 
> Either way, let me know what you guys think!! Love you all.


	11. Snow on a Flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark!! xx

 Draco sat in the parlor quietly drinking tea with his parents. He glanced around him, ignoring polite apathetic expression of his mother and the scowling arrogance of his father. The room, like the rest of Malfoy manor, was grand by objective standards. Every piece of furniture was expensive and intricately ornate, telling of its rarity and history.

The snow outside reflected a ghostly glow onto the room, lighting up his parent’s hair grey – rendering them older than they actually were. He wondered if he looked like that too.

He continued his idle scan around the room, landing on the ever-changing fire. Although the fire was warming the room, Draco still felt cold. He stared at the leaping flames, letting his mind run freely.

He looked back up at his parents, again noticing the pallid light they reflected before turning back to the fire. If they were the pale snow outside, then Gwen was the warm glow of the flame.

_Gwen._

He thought of her face with all of its light and quicksilver expressiveness. Their last encounter had been so strange. Strange because it had been so normal. Besides the small fight they had, it had been nice. It had been…fun. Again, he reflected on how strange that feeling was.

If they just avoided talking about either of their friends, then they’d probably never fight. Draco repressed a derisive smile, wondering how that would work in the long run. He mentally shook his head. He wasn’t thinking about the long run. Not with Gwen. It was too much thinking. There many too many hoops.

Not that she’d want to spend her life with him.

 _Stop,_ he furiously thought to himself.

He quickly shutdown all thoughts of Gwen, as melancholic feelings began to wash through his body.

It was at this moment his mother decided to call out to him.

“Draco,” she said, her voice forever neutral with well-bred propriety, “Did you know that young girl?”

“What girl?” Draco said.

He took a sip of his tea, confused as to whom his mother was talking of.

“The one who accidentally ran into me,” His mother said.

Draco almost choked on his tea. Of course that’s who his mother was talking about. She hadn’t said anything since the day at the train station.

He held the cup at his lips, hoping to hide his immediate reaction from the deciphering eyes of his parents.

“No,” he said, hoping to cut off any further conversation.

“She was very sweet,” Narcissa mused, “Perhaps she’s in Slytherin?”

She said this as though Slytherin was indicative of sweetness. Draco couldn’t help the cynical smirk that pulled one side of his mouth up.

“She’s not,” He said plainly.

“What a shame,” Narcissa said.

Her genuine disappointment was strikingly amusing to him.

“Do you know what House she _is_ in?” His mother pursued.

He wondered if Gwen was in another House, besides Gryffindor, would his parents think any differently of her?

“Gryffindor,” He supplied shortly.

Both of his parents frowned at that.

“Blood traitors,” His father grumbled.

He flicked his long hair over his shoulder before moving his cold stare to his only son.

“I thought you said you didn’t know her, Draco,” his father accused.

Lucius Malfoy was not a good man. Draco, on some level, knew this and though he’d never admit it to anymore, he had always been terrified of his father.

Draco had heard the tone his father addressed him in now many times. He’d seen grown men cower in fear at the chilling conceit barely concealed beneath the inflexions of politeness.

“I know of her,” Draco said, smartly dogging the question, “That’s quite different than knowing her.”

He watched his father sniff, silently accepting his sidestep.

“Is she pureblood?” His mother asked after a moment.

Draco was suddenly irritated by his mothers strangely desperate questioning. Why did it matter? Nothing could come of he and Gwen anyways. Not that his mother could have possibly been thinking of he and Gwen.

 “She’s adopted,” he said, “People say that she was abandoned as a child.”

 “How unfortunate,” his mother said.

She said this, although her tone never wavered, as if there was no difference to her between tragedy and the mundane.

His grip tightened on his cup. He felt anger and something that felt suspiciously like desperation rise up in his chest. Maybe he was wanted his parents to confirm what he already assumed they would think or maybe he was just a masochist and needed to punish himself so cruelly because he believed he deserved it.

“She’s Potters friend,” he concluded.

He saw the disgust on his father’s face as he let out his standard stream of anti-Potter propaganda. A heavy tenseness spread over the room. It gave Draco a perverted sense of satisfaction having his parents confirmed what he expected of them.

 “I suppose that explains the differences between her mother and she,” Narcissa commented, after a moment.

Draco took a tense sip of tea, not saying anything.

He had seen Gwen’s mother, but he had never actually noticed her before that day. She was an exceptionally tall woman, towering over almost everyone in the room. The smoothness of her ebony skin and the unrestrained curls on the top of her head made her appear taller, more pronounced, as if she was the human personification of an exclamation point. Once you actually looked at her, you had to notice her.

She had lifted Gwen up from the ground and hugged her. Draco wouldn’t have expected Gwen to allow such things, but perhaps she an exception for her mother – for people she loved.

The idea of who Gwen loved made him uncomfortable in his own skin.

Draco put his cup down. He mumbled a quick “Excuse me,” before quickly standing up.

“Be ready for dinner,” Lucius said to him, “The Brights and Parkinson’s are coming.”

Draco would have groaned, if his automatic response wasn’t already programmed.

“Yes, sir,” he said quietly.

He left the room, quickly dashing up the stairs. When he made it to his room, he shut and locked the door behind him.

Hastily walking over the trunk at the end of his bed, Draco quickly unlocked it and moved aside some books and other things before reaching the object of his desire. He pulled out a parcel and slowly unwrapped it.

It was the journal that Gwen had been looking at in the shop. It was a deep green color, worn with age – but he supposed in a way that was meant to be attractive. The leather binding was soft to the touch, but ridged. It was dragon’s hide, the woman at the shop informed him.

“They only make them with already fallen off scales,” The woman told him, “They don’t skin them.”

Draco had only nodded in shock.

Remembering, Draco stroked the front cover, feeling the scales beneath his fingers. He didn’t know why he went back and bought it. He wasn’t even sure he was going to give it to Gwen in the first place. He didn’t even know her address.

His breath hitched even thinking about asking her for her address. He remembered last year when he saw Gwen give Colin Flanner what he assumed was her address. He wondered if Flanner had been to Gwen’s house.

He shook his ahead. He didn’t want to think about Gwen and that git.

He thought of that day in the shop again. He remembered her face after they finished yelling. It was confused as she pleaded with him to stay.  

Her voice was so soft, just like the rest of her. She looked at him – into him – with those big, earnest eyes of her. Too big for her face, but still so lovely – so honest.

Draco stood up from the trunk, walking away to distance himself from his own thoughts.

He walked up to the fire in his room. The fires were always on in the winter. He thought of the pale light that reflected off of his family as he stared into the fire.

Snow would put out a fire, even if it didn’t want to. It was emblematic of their opposing nature.

Could he really do that to Gwen?

He gripped the journal tightly in his hands, debating. He slowly raised it above the flames, watching them leap out for the potential sacrifice.

He felt his heart thump heavily in his chest, but the only thing he heard was Gwen’s soft voice whispering in his ear - 

_Don’t run away._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been a rough week for me personally, you guys. I've felt so heavy with the weight of a bunch of stuff that I'm probably not going to get into here. After spending almost fifteen minutes on the same Statistics problem, I had a mini freak, slammed the computer shut and left the house. I went to Barnes and Noble and got a book - 712 More Writing Prompts. I've already done a few and I have to be honest, I feel so much better after I write.  
> As I write this note, I'm sitting in my sweatpants with honey slathered all over my face. My skin has been so dried out these last couple days and I'm breaking out as a result - which is not fun.  
> Anyways, I wrote this chapter a while ago. I also have the next chapter already written out, I just have to type it up. I wrote both this chapter and the next in two of my classes (both Sociology - which I took because I thought I could minor in Sociology, but it turns out I don't like Sociology so now I'm stuck in them).  
> I really like this chapter. I feel like we don't get to really experience a lot of Draco and I think this way we get to see a little more of the way that he's been brought up to think of himself and his family.  
> I also reallllllllllly love the next chapter - a small preview - it's a really beautiful moment between Gwen and her mom, Adora. I'm getting my wisdom teeth out this Saturday so if I'm not in too much pain, I'll try and post it this weekend. With that said, I hope you guys like this chapter and are excited for the next. Let me know what you think!! xx


	12. Moonlit Breakthroughs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, and bookmark! xx

On Christmas Day, Gwen sat on her kitchen counter, kicking her legs and watching the snowman on her pajama pants blur. She was waiting for the milk on the stove to boil and humming under her breath softly.

“Now tell me again why we’re drinking almond milk, instead of regular milk,” Adora asked as she made her way into the kitchen.

“Because,” Gwen began, while taking the now ready milk off the stove, “Regular milk tastes like wet socks and I don’t break out as often since I stopped drinking it.”

“Ahh…so it’s all about your face,” Adora teased.

“Why should it not be?” Gwen said dramatically.

She mized the cups and handed one to her mother.

“You eat cheese,” Adora challenged.

Gwen shrugged.

“Some things are worth a spot or two.”   
Adora laughed and walking into the living room where their modest Christmas tree sat. Gwen followed her into the room and marveled at it. They had decorated it together when Gwen returned.

She thought it stood tall, like Adora, and it was bigger on the bottom, like herself.

Gwen sat on the couch while Adora sifted through the presents that lay at the base in a rainbow of promise. Besides their presents for each other, they each had one from the Weasley’s, Adora had some from her friends, and Gwen had a few from her friends.   

After a long while of watching each other opening up everyone else’s gifts, Gwen gave her mother her gift and enjoyed the elation on her mother’s face as a result.

From Adora, Gwen received a beautiful green leather bookmark, a few books, and a gorgeous chunky grey jumper that she decided to live in from that moment on.

“There’s one more from me,” Adora said.

Gwen looked at her mother in curiosity.

“It’s something different,” Adora began, “but I had a dream about it and I had someone make it for you. It’s not like anything you usually wear, but I thought it was something you could save for a special day.”

“Alright,” Gwen said suspiciously at her mother’s disclaimer.

She felt nervous as she opened the box slowly. She paused as the contents were revealed, as she was surprised to say the least.

She pulled out the most stunning red dress. Gwen stood up and held it against herself. The straps were thick and ended at the top of her shoulders. It was sitted at the top with a delicate v-neck. From the waist, the dress gently flared out and fell past her knees. The fabric was soft and matte.

Gwen reverently touched the skirt.

“You had this made?” She questioned, “That must’ve been a fortune.”

Her mother shook her head.

“Lissy gave me a deal,” she said nonchalantly, before continuing, “They don’t make dresses like that anymore.”  


“It’s gorgeous,” Gwen said softly.

She laid the dress aside gently to hug her mother’s sitting form.

“You’re always giving me dresses,” Gwen said, referring to the Yule Ball last year.

“I’ve decided that’s my thing,” Adora said, her American accent strong.

“Your thing?” Gwen laughed.

“Yes,” Adora said primly, “My mom thing. My new mom thing is to buy you things that I want you to grow into.”

Gwen looked at her mother confusedly.

“I think the dress will me now,” she said.

Adora shook her head and smiled softly.

“Not grow in here,” she said, patting Gwen’s hip, “Grow in _here_.”

Adora tapped Gwen’s heart with emphasis and Gwen’s eyes welled up.

“You’re such a poet,” Gwen sniffed.

Adora laughed again.

“Anyways,” Gwen said, pulling the dress back in her lap, “I don’t think I can open anymore presents after this.”

“Well you only have…” Adora hedged, searching back to look, “One more!”

“From you?” Gwen said surprised.

“From,” Adora checked the tag, “Colin!”

Gwen felt the dread and guilt hit her with a vengeance. She hadn’t thought of Colin since she got home and she hadn’t spoken to him at all as a result. She had sent him his present with a brief “From Gwen” and that was it.

“Oh,” Gwen said, after a moment.

Gwen slowly began to fold her dress and put in back in the box before wiping her hands on her pajama pants. The snowmen looked like they were laughing at her now.

After a deep breath, she took the small box from her mother. Aware of the overwhelming silence, Gwen unwrapped the gift, revealing a small black velvet box.

She opened the box with palpable dread in her stomach and found a delicate silver chain with a small heart pendant at the end. Gwen read the note written at the top of the lid – “To Gwen, with all my love - Colin.”

She felt her heart actually drop into her stomach.

“Shit,” she muttered.

“What is it?” Adora asked.

Gwen, rarely hiding anything from her mother, handed the small box to her mother.

“It’s very pretty,” Adora commented carefully.

Gwen grimaced.

“Most girls would be happy with such a gift from their boyfriends,” Adora continued.

Gwen sighed and covered her face with her hands.

“What’s going on, Gwen?” Adora asked, “You two were so close over the summer and now you’re hiding from him at the train station? You never mention him in your letters anymore.”

“It’s…complicated,” Gwen said lamely.

Adora stared at Gwen skeptically, trying to get the truth from silence.

“Honesty, Guinevere,” Adora said.

“It just feels different at school,” she began slowly, “I got to decide when to see him over the summer because there was physical distance between us, but at school…” she paused then.

The calm before the storm.

Adora remained silent, allowing Gwen to work through whatever frustration she was internally fighting.

Gwen sighed again, but this time it came out like a growl. She stood up and quickly began to pace as she struggled to formulate her feelings into coherent sentences. The result of repressing them for so long.

“He’s just always there and he always wants to be around me and everyone makes me feel bad for not spending time with him. So I started spending all of my time with him and now I don’t know anything that’s going on with my friends and – “she broke off suddenly and looked at her mother intensely.

“I can’t write,” she finally finished.

“What do you mean?” Adora asked her.

“I haven’t written a complete story since the beginning of the term,” Gwen said silently, sitting in front of her mother again.

“Why, Gwen?” Adora said, her voice high with surprise.

Gwen folded her legs crisscross.

“I’m blocked,” she said, “I can’t break through this feeling.”

“What feeling?”

“I don’t have a word for it,” Gwen said, “but I feel it here.”

She rubbed her chest, tapping her hand gently over her heart.

“It’s like I’m being strangled from here.”

Adora reached forward and grasped her daughters other hand.

“Gwen,” she began gently, “Why are you dating Colin?”

Gwen, surprised by the directness of the question, paused for a moment.

“I guess it’s because I can’t think of a legitimate reason to justify breaking up with him,” Gwen said.”

“What do you mean?” Adora said.

“I mean he didn’t do anything wrong,” Gwen said, “He didn’t lie, or cheat on me, or I don’t know. He’s not a bad boyfriend.”

“He might not be a bad boyfriend, but he might not be a good boyfriend for you,” Adora said.

Gwen pondered that for a moment.

“Well it’s not like I have a throng of admirers to choose from,” she muttered.

“Gwen, that’s not a reason,” Adora rationalized.

Gwen feeling the oncoming storm of emotion, found anger and grasped onto it with her life.

“It’s my fault,” she said desperately, “Because what’s wrong with me? Why am I failing at being someone’s girlfriend?”

“It’s not a test to pass or fail, Gwen,” Adora said, her voice high with surprise.

“Yes it is,” Gwen said loudly, “If I break up with him for no reason, then I failed.”

“So you won’t break up with Colin because of your own pride?”

“No, it’s not that,” Gwen argued.

“Then what is it?” Adora pushed back.

“Because I don’t want to be alone,” Gwen cried out.

Adora stared at her for a moment.

“That’s why you don’t want to breakup with him,” She asked, her voice low, “Because you don’t want to be alone?”

“No,” Gwen said immediately, her answer too quick.

When Adora didn’t answer, Gwen continued.

“It’s just if I start pushing away people who chose to be with me,” she paused when her voice waivered, before continuing, “What if I end up alone again?”

As if the word was a blow to the chest, Gwen heaved out a sob in her voice. She squeezed her eyes shut, in hopes to stop to the tears from getting out. She felt Adora gently grasp her chin to raise her face. When they were looking at each other, Adora spoke.

“You,” She said, her voice shaking with intensity, “will never be alone.”

A tsunami of emotion tore through Gwen, relief and pain all at once. She began to openly cry, sobbing heavily on her mother.

After a while, Gwen wiped her eyes and looked up at her mother.

“I don’t know what to do,” she said, her voice raspy.

Adora smiled gently.

“You do what’s right,” Adora said.

Gwen bit her lip and stared hopelessly at her mother.

“Just go back to school first and see,” Adora said, softly pushing back Gwen’s hair, “You’ll know what to do.”

“How do you know?” Gwen asked.

“Because I know you and I know that you’re brave enough to do whatever is right,” Adora said.

Gwen nodded, but remained silent.

“Go wash your face,” Adora commanded gently, “We’ll watch a movie.”

Gwen nodded, kissing her mother on the cheek before gathering her gifts. She only hesitated for a moment before grabbing Colin’s gift as well. She quickly walked up at the stairs.

Upstairs consisted of her room, a bathroom, and a small open space that led to both. A window cast light into the area, making it bigger than it seemed.

Gwen went into her small room and quickly put her boxes on the floor. She opened the box with the dress again. She quickly stroked the red fabric, thinking pensively.

“What movie?” Adora called out from downstairs.

Gwen put the lid back on the box and bounded back down the stairs.

“Comedy?” She asked.

“I’m feeling romantic,” Adora said.

“We only have comedies, romances, and romantic comedies,” Gwen said to her mother pragmatically.

Adora nodded.

“Touche,” Adora said, “Romantic comedy it is.”

Gwen plopped down on the couch and thought of nothing else but the pop theme music playing out in the beginning.

Many handfuls of popcorn and cups of tea later, Gwen contentedly climbed up the stairs to the bathroom.

She quickly washed her face and put on some moisturizer before brushing her teeth and then stepping out into the hall. She quickly flicked the lights off and made the short trip to her room. Out of habit, she quickly gravitated to the window to look up at the moon.

The day felt so long, but emotional breakthroughs do that to time. Everything felt so clear for a moment, sitting on the floor and hugging her mother, but looking out at the sky now, Gwen felt lonely and so very small. She turned away from the window and walked over to the empty stack of parchment on her desk.

Her fingers twitched with want at the contact, but the blockage in her chest was still present and weighed heavily on her.

She sighed softly, looking at the moon still.

“Please,” she said softly, “Send me a sign.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY. So first, I want to thank all of you for your lovely comments. I'm sorry I've been such a turd with posting, but those of you who have followed this series for a while know that I'm at best haphazard with my consistency. I wrote this chapter a while ago and only got around to typing it. I typed this today while I was in the NY Public Library. I'm spending my spring break in New York and I really like it! Smells like trash though, but I guess that's part of experience. 
> 
> I know this chapter was without Gwen/Draco, but come on you guys. I want this to be a real story with a real plot and everything haha. They have to grow into the people who they're meant to be separately first before they can grow together. But I do promise the return of Gwen/Draco fluff, angst, and awkwardness VERY soon. Thank you for hanging on. You're all the greatest!


	13. A New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, and bookmark! xxxx

“Letters for you,” Adora called out.

It was New Years Eve and Gwen was hunched over a steaming bowl of oatmeal, as Adora laid them down on the table in front of her.

Gwen grunted.

“Too tired,” she muttered, as she reached out for the letters anyways. 

“Coffee,” Adora advise, raising her rather large mug in the air.

“You’re so American,” Gwen grumbled, as she clasped her beloved tea.

Adora laughed.

“As are you,” she reminded Gwen, getting only a grunt response again.

Gwen slowly leafed through the letters – Hermione, Ginny, Mrs. Weasley, and Colin. Gwen opened Mrs. Weasley’s first. It was a response to Gwen’s lengthy thank you letter that she and Adora had sent a few days earlier.

Smiling slightly, she pulled out Hermione’s letter next. Hermione had spent the whole holiday with the Weasley’s so Gwen had been getting a detailed chronicle of their activities – which she loved.

She loved being home with just she and her mother, but she was glad that her friends never forgot her when she was away.

Gwen’s eyes followed Hermione’s immaculate handwriting before she paused at the uncharacteristic bot of ink – as if she had halted her pen there for quite some time before continuing.

   _We went to St. Mungos…_

Gwen leaned forward as she scanned through the letter faster

   _Neville’s parents…not dead…driven insane from effects of the cruciatus curse during the First Wizarding War…horrible for Neville…”_

Gwen paused, feeling a hard stab of pain for Neville, before she turned back to the letter.

    _I miss you, Gwen. I feel so horrible that things have been so tense between us. You’re my best friend. I hope you’re still coming for the New Year. Love, Hermione_

Gwen folded up the letter before getting up and washing her empty dishes. Adora came in and put her own mug in the sink.

“Do you mind if we go earlier to the Weasley’s?” Gwen asked, washing out the mug.

“Sure,” Adora said readily, “When?”

“Now?”

 “I’ll tell you what,” she said, “I’ve got some things to finish before we go. How about you go ahead and come back for me later?”

Gwen nodded. She dried her hands quickly.

“Alright, I’m going to go get ready.”

Gwen quickly dashed up to her room with the rest of the letters. She threw them on her bed as she dashed to her closet. She pulled out a pair of dark, soft jeans and slipped them on. She grabbed a black sweater and quickly changed into before stepping into her favorite black oxford. She quickly braided her hair and tugged her coat on.

She walked back to the letters again and opened Ginny’s, giving it a quick read through – not wanting to miss anything.

The letter was just a description of Christmas and a few funny anecdotes that reflected both Ginny’s sincerity and humor. Gwen missed them all terribly.

She picked up Colin’s letter and broke the seal. She hesitated for a moment before laying it back on the bed. One thing at a time.

She turned and called out to her mother from the top of the stairs.

“I’m leaving!”

Adora came to the bottom of the stairs, holding another cup of coffee in her hand.

“Be safe,” Adora said seriously.

“I will,” Gwen promised with a grin.

She ran down the stairs to give her mother a brief hug before dashing back up to the fireplace in her room.

Gwen felt a flare of awareness in her body as she stepped into the fireplace. It wasn’t that she was scared or nervous. She had used floo powder since she had learned what it was and had her fireplace properly enchanted.

She just felt this way when she went a length of time without magic. She felt like she was coming alive again.

She threw down the floo powder and shouted.

 “The Burrow!”

Green flames immediately engulfed her and she shot up. Before she could really have enough to think about anything, she stood in another very familiar fireplace.

“Gwen!” Hermione called out.

Gwen stepped out of the fireplace and met her best friend in a fierce hug.

“I didn’t know you’d be here so early,” Hermione said.

Gwen laughed happily.

“That explains the pajamas,” she teased Hermione.

 “I got your letters and I missed you all,” Gwen said, lifting her hands in a headless gesture, “So here I am.”

Gwen moved to hug the rest of those sitting around. Hugging Ginny tightly, she listened to Ginny ramble about how much she loved the Christmas gift that Gwen and Adora sent.

She squeezed Ron extra tight and muttered something about missing “his stupid ginger butt.”

She spoke with every hug and when she got to Mrs. Weasley, she showed Gwen the newest picture of Gwen and Adora wearing their sweaters.

The picture was them a few days ago, on Christmas, in their living room. They were laughing and Gwen was doing an awkward thumbs up before ducking out of the photo.

It rested in succession with all of the photos Gwen and Adora had sent over the years, the very first being a muggle photo that showed a very still, very gangly Gwen.

She tried to not physically cringe at the not still, twelve-year old Gwen who looked constipated as she tried not to smile too much in the next photo. She was thankful she had grown out of the habit.

“Where’s Harry,” she asked, suddenly aware of his absence.

“He’s upstairs,” Hermione said.

Gwen noticed the slightly shift in mood when she mentioned Harry. She frowned.

“Well I think I’ll go find him” she said.

“He’s been sleeping quite a bit,” Mrs. Weasley said, “I’m afraid he’s coming down with something.”

Gwen nodded before heading up the stairs grumbling to himself.

“Something – more like his ego,” she muttered.

She followed the familiar pathway to the room that Harry and Ron shared. Of course, the door was shut so Gwen delivered a single, sharp knock before swinging the door open wide.

Harry lifted off of the bed where he had just been laying. He hadn’t been under the covers or anything. He was fully dressed; just moping and staring at the ceiling.

“Hi,” she said, a little surlier than she had intended.

“When did you get here?” Harry asked.

“Now,” she said.

Her voice was still sharp. She walked over to him while slipping off her coat and flinging it on a nearby chair.

She plopped down next to Harry and turned to face him.

“What’s going on?” she demanded.

Harry frowned at her abrasive attitude. His mouth was hard, set in stone beneath the granite façade of the rest of his face.

“Nothing,” he bit out.

Gwen’s frown only became more pronounced at his evasion.

“Harry,” she insisted.

“Gwen.”

His voice was just like his face. Hard and blocked from her. Unlike her facial shield, Harry didn’t hide his intensity beneath an apathetic mask. He was mad, he knew you knew he was mad, but he wouldn’t let you know _why_ he was mad.  

She was getting irritated with him but turned her own mask on, as she tried to limit her frustration.

“What do you want, Harry?”

She had meant for the question to come out as sympathetic, but her voice was still tinged with frustration.

“To be alone,” he said sharply.

Hurt stung Gwen at his words, but she had already arranged her face so it wouldn’t show.

“Fine, if you don’t want help, I’m not going to sit here and beg you,” she said, standing up.

She heard Harry sigh and before she took three steps, he grabbed her arm.

“Wait,” he said softly, “I’m sorry.”

Gwen was still turned away from him. She shut her eyes when she heard him – the real him, not the stone. She remained that way for a few moments before Harry tugged her arm back to him.

She turned around and stood in front of him. Her dark eyes meeting his green ones, both of their walls down.

“Tell me, Harry,” she said softly, before repeating her earlier questions, “What’s going on? What do you need?”

Harry groaned softly, but continued to hold her arm. His hand drifted down to grasp her hand as he spoke.

“I just…” he paused, clearly struggling, “need space.”

“I can give you space,” Gwen agreed softly, “but take it from the Queen of Space – you can’t run away from the problem, if it lives inside of you.”

Harry gave her a sad smile, squeezing her hand.

“Good tip,” he said.

“I’m full of them,” she said, smiling back at him.

“Did you write that?” he asked.

He tugged her back down to sit next to him.

“Probably,” Gwen said, “but it’s also as likely that I heard from someone infinitely smarter.”

“Like who?” Harry asked.

“My mom,” Gwen supplied.

Harry laughed.

“I like your mom,” he said, “I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“I’ve been keeping her all to myself,” she said.

“You’ve been keeping yourself away too,” Harry said.

He turned and looked at her then, the light reflecting on his glasses.

“I’m sorry,” Gwen said grimacing.

“Don’t be,” Harry said, “I know that this is just too much for you sometimes. I get it.”

Gwen didn’t know what to say. She rarely found herself speechless in front of her friends, especially Harry.

She nudged his shoulder with hers.

“I heard about Neville’s parents,” she said softly.

He closed his eyes then and breathed deeply.

“Yeah,” he said.

He didn’t continue, but Gwen heard it all in his voice.

“Yeah,” she sighed.

They sat like that for a little while – side-by-side, holding each other. Their joined hands resting on Harry’s leg. Gwen idly thought how this could have been a romantic moment, had either of them entertained such feelings for each other. She studied their hands – his pale hand interwoven with her olive one. Two orphans, two mysteries, two tragedies. What were the chances that they came together as friends? How many people got lucky like that?

She sighed and rested her head against his shoulder for a moment, holding his arm with her other hand.

 “Come downstairs,” she said softly against his sweater.

Harry nodded his agreement. Gwen stood up and tugged him up with her.

“I still can’t believe I was taller than you third year,” Gwen muttered, as she was now eye level with his chin.

Harry laughed.

“Thank Merlin you’re not,” he said.

“Why do you say that?” Gwen said, “because you don’t want a girl to be taller than you?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head, “Can you imagine what kind of force you’d be if you were taller? You’re already so forceful. If you were tall…you’d go drunk with power.”

“Well, I never…” she huffed, equally amused and irritated.

Harry laughed and let go of her hand just to give her a hug.

“Come on,” he said over her head, “let’s go welcome the New Year.”

The rest of the day was a long string of joyous laughter and garlands. Gwen left later just to return with her mother. She dodged an ever-excited Molly Weasley on her quest to hug Adora.

Gwen always noticed how much taller Adora was than other people. She was an Amazon woman in an industrial world – as Adora said it.

The New Year came and went with hugs, cheers, and laughter. The friends all forwent traditional New Years kisses with hugs and high fives.

An hour or so into the New Year, Adora and Gwen hugged their way goodbye and into the fire place. When they arrived in Gwen’s fireplace, Gwen leaned heavily on her mother.

“I should wash my face,” Gwen said with closed eyes.

“Forget that,” Adora yawned, pulling them along, “Go to sleep and deal with the consequential pimple in the morning.”

“It is the morning,” Gwen said.

Adora pushed her towards her bed before turning and going to her own room.

 “Don’t fall down the stairs,” Gwen called out.

She laughed when she heard her mother mutter “smart ass.” She kept her eyes closed as she stripped out of her clothes. She had left a t-shirt tossed over one of her bed posts so she quickly slipped it on before flopping down on top of the covers.

She was deciding if it was worth it to pull back the blankets when she heard a tapping sound at her window.

Fear made her eyes shoot awake. She blinked a few times before she saw the eyes of an owl at her window. Was she dreaming? It wasn’t an owl she recognized and there was a package in its mouth – much larger than a letter.

Gwen got up as quickly as she could, except it wasn’t quick at all because she felt like her limbs were submerged in water.

She unlatched her window carefully and the owl flew forth. It was an Eagle Owl, Gwen noted. With bright orange eyes and brown and white feathers flecked all over. Gwen took the package and tentatively petted the owl.

It accepted her gentle ministrations for a moment, regarding her with its bright eyes. She felt a tug in her chest as she regarded this mysterious bird.

“Who do you belong to?” she said softly.

As if the bird had been instructed to flee at such a question, it turned and flew out of the window. Leaving as quickly as it arrived.

Gwen looked down to the package in her hand. Package might have been a strong word. It definitely wasn’t a letter, but it wasn’t heavy like a box either.

_Guinevere Easton_

Her name had been scrawled across the top by an unfamiliar but elegant hand. She traced over the words for moment, feeling something sharp in her stomach.

If she had been on the edge of sleep a few moments ago, she was wide awake now as she turned the package over to gently open it.

Her hands were shaking slightly as she finally pulled the paper away. Gwen gaped when she realized what it revealed.

It was the book from the shop.

The book that she was admiring – The Blot Pages – in the shop right before Draco appeared out of her dreams into reality.

Could he have…

No.

He couldn’t.

Could he?

Why would he?

He had been the only one who saw her looking at it?

She looked quickly for a card or something that indicated a source, but to her disappointed there was none. She stroked the binding. This one was a deep green color, as opposed to the brown one she saw in the shop. An emerald with what appeared to be dragon scales covering the front. It was beautiful.

She opened to the first page and her breathing had stilled. Whatever had been written on the front page had turned into a blot image of a tree. Gwen stared at it mesmerized.

It was a large tree, like the Whomping Willow, but it wasn’t the tree itself that had her speechless. The roots of the tree were so intricate, even in their blotted formation, and they took up most of the page. The roots swirled and crossed, as if it attempting to root the tree onto the paper – and the sentiments behind it.

She stroked the roots of the tree. The image practically had a heartbeat. She walked back to her bed and pulled up her blanket. The letters she had put there from earlier slid off and hit the ground. 

Gwen crawled under her blankets and held the book up to her face, tracing over the image and willing it to show itself to her. There were words behind this image. There was a person behind this gift.

She closed it gently and held it to her chest, as she snuggled down to her pillow. She tried to lull herself, but every few minutes she’d get up and look at the journal again.

She stroked the page and closed her eyes, seeing the flickering grey-blue gaze of a boy she could never have.

Before she could stop it, her brain stuttered and then, like she had just thrown another handful of floo powder down, she was unwillingly engulfed in the tide of her own head.

_“I know I packed them,” he said irritably._

_Gwen grinned into the sunny day, but didn’t laugh as she heard him rummaging through the picnic basket. She sat up to look around them. It was a beautiful day, with the sun out shining on the lake. The forest behind them glowed with awakening, as they shed off their winter sleep. She turned to look at the muttering boy to her left._

_“It doesn’t matter,” she insisted._

_“Yes, it does,” he snapped, still looking at the basket._

_Gwen swallowed the laugh that was trying to break through._

_“Really, Draco…” she broke off, as he turned and glared at her._

_She couldn’t help but laughing then. She didn’t see him pounce on her, but next thing she knew she was on her back as he hovered on top of her._

_“It’s not nice to laugh at your boyfriend when he’s trying to do something nice for you,” he murmured against her neck._

_Gwen sighed, threading her fingers through his hair so she could hold him where he was._

_“Well it’s not nice to snap at people just because you forgot to pack the utensils,” she said._

_He bit her neck gently before soothing it with his tongue._

_“Well you shouldn’t have distracted me when I was packing,” he countered, skimming his lips up her neck to her jaw._

_Gwen tugged his head back, never not being able to argue._

_“I didn’t distract you,” she argued._

_“Yes, you did,” he insisted._

_“How?” she said disbelievingly._

_Draco leaned down and softly rubbed his mouth over her cheek before moving down to her jaw and sighing over her chin._

_“Prancing around in this little dress,” he murmured, “and driving me mad.”_

_Although she was almost completely distracted by his mouth, she still muttered._

_“This dress is hardly little,” she argued, “it goes down past my knees.”_

_“You’re right,” Draco said, pulling back from his soft crusade to look at her._

_His eyes sparkled with desire and his face was soft with happiness. The combination had a deadly effect on Gwen’s sensory perception._

_“What do you mean I’m right?” Gwen said, “I mean I know I’m right, but how am I right?”_

_“About this dress not being little,” he said, “In fact, I’d go as far as saying you’re wearing too much.”_

_It was then that Gwen noticed his hand inching the hem of her skirt up. She reached down and stilled his hands quickly._

_“Draco,” she gasped, her horror joined with giddiness, “We’re in public,” she protested._

_“There’s a big tree behind us,” he said, kissing both her eyelids._

_“That’s hardly proper coverage,” she insisted._

_“I’m only thinking of you, darling,” he murmured, kissing the edge of her lips, “It’s quite hot today. I wouldn’t want you to get overheated in this ‘not little’ dress.”_

_“It’s barely summertime,” she protested weakly, getting entirely distracted by his lips, “we’re lucky it’s even sunny today.”_

_Draco laughed, as he kissed her softly. He rubbed his parted lips against her, creating the most delicious friction._

_“Besides,” she continued arguing with a shaky breath, “You’re wearing more clothes than I am. You should be the one taking off your clothes.”_

_Draco pulled back and gave her a look of wicked promise. A smirk lurked on his face as he spoke._

_“I plan too.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy guys. I hope you're all doing well, surviving school, life, jobs, people, zombies, etc. Here is chapter thirteen! This the last chapter of Gwen at home for this year. They'll all be heading back to Hogwarts after this where Gwen is going to make some hard decisions about the people in her life and her visions are going to be getting stronger. 
> 
> Speaking of visions...the end of this chapter. I wish you guys could have seen me writing it a few minutes ago in my university library grinning like a madman. Gah. Let me know what you think.


	14. Space is Space is Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, and bookmark!

Gwen enjoyed coming back to the castle early. It was the first year that she had ever willingly left her mother earlier than she needed to. She explained to Adora that she needed to think. Adora assumed that Gwen meant think about Colin and Gwen didn’t correct her.  

It felt wrong to lie to her mother, but Gwen wasn’t ready to talk about her…visions, if that’s even what they were. The lake vision she had of she and Draco was intimate and perhaps even more so than the other ones because this was the first vision she had at home.

She was hypothesizing that the visions were a result of high stress and that’s why she never got them when she was at home – it was the place she was the happiest and most calm, but something broke through her that night sitting with the notebook in her lap.

Whatever was holding the visions back up until this point had been wiggled loose and now she had been having visions, while she was walking, talking, sleeping, eating. It didn’t matter.

And they were always about Draco. She knew that they couldn’t only be about him because she had visions of other things – she had seen Cedric’s death last year and she had certainly never been in love with Cedric.

Not that she was in love with Draco. She didn’t know him well enough, she rationalized, but she was in…something.

She didn’t mention any of this on the platform as she hugged her mother goodbye until the end of the term.

_“Eat more,” Adora muttered, patting her in a motherly way, “You’re too skinny.”_

Gwen had laughed, assuring her mother that she was not too skinny. Her blossoming figure, an overwhelming amount of hips and butt would never let her be classified as “skinny.” Slender perhaps, but most probably curvy.

Adora had frowned at this.

_“Eat,” she had simply repeated._

Adora always worried about Gwen eating. Adora had once explained to her that when she first found Gwen, she had been horrified by how small she was. It was skinniness born of malnutrition, as opposed to genetics or body type. She had been so scared when Gwen first came home with her.

Gwen remembered that she used to hide food and sneak it back to her bed after every meal, on the chance that she would have to forgo meals again. That was one of the times that Gwen first saw Adora cry – when she had discovered Gwen’s hidden stash of food under her bed. She had held Gwen and promised her that no matter, Gwen would never be alone or hungry again.

It took Gwen a while to trust Adora, but months of constant and unrestrained love could break through even the most closed-off of children. Gwen not only loved Adora more than any of other person, she was indebted to her in ways she could not verbalize – the feeling was too overwhelming to her.

So she set off to Hogwarts early to think about everything her mother said, but instead she found herself thinking about her life. How incredibly lucky she was to have found someone, more than just one someone who loved her.

Adora, Hermione, the Weasley’s, Harry. These people loved her unconditionally and she always spent so much time creating barriers between them and her because she was afraid of being alone again.

It was a fear that was so far rooted into her system. It went beyond rational thought, because it was rational. She had been alone. She had been without love. She had been without a name and the people who loved had given her a name and the opportunity for it to have meaning.

Guinevere…

_“She was a strong and brave Queen in history. She was married to a wonderful king who valued her love and opinion.”_

That’s what Adora had offered her. The opportunity to be strong and brave and valued. Gwen didn’t care so much about meeting a king, but it taught her what to expect.

She didn’t know what happened along the way when she became so afraid. She hadn’t been afraid when she met Harry and Ron. She’d help saved them. She had become friends with Hermione just by being her same self.

She always felt like a fraud in Gryffindor. She looked at her friends and understood why they were there, but she could never see why she had been allowed in. She wasn’t bold and brave was a debatable, in her opinion. She would never be loud, boisterous, or extroverted – characteristics that were often exclusive to Gryffindor’s, but perhaps the Sorting Hat had seen something in her that she had yet to see.

She sat in the Great Hall, currently trying to manage the difficult task of drinking her tea while continuing to read without pause. Perhaps, someone more coordinated could have accomplished this flawlessly or someone with more patience could put the book down long enough to take a proper sip of their tea – but Gwen was not either of these things.

She had felt lighter since coming back to Hogwarts, still not able to write, but finding herself lost in reading. She brought a stack of books back with her from home and she had spent the day or so she’d been back at the castle devouring them.

So she continued to riskily sip the scalding tea while keeping her eyes glued to book, raising it over the cup when necessary. The Great Hall was mostly empty, only a few students ever returned this early so she really didn’t care if anyone thought her behavior was strange.

She was so engrossed in her novel that after a relatively accomplished sip, one of the characters suddenly died and Gwen gasped – letting all of the tea spill out of her mouth and onto her robes.

Gwen paused for a moment. Shocked by both the novel and the fact that tea literally just fell out of her mouth. Did that really just happen? She stared at the tea that she managed to catch on her chest. She looked up furtively and it seemed like no one had seen her faux pas until she met the laughing eyes of Draco Malfoy.

She averted her eyes in embarrassment and look back down. Of course he was watching. Of mother freaking course.

She tentatively looked back up to face him. His eyes were still watching her. He was obviously amused by her and the fact that he had been watching her this whole time made her blush even harder.

She couldn’t help but laugh then. That’s what she did when she was nervous. She looked back up at him and saw that although he wasn’t laughing, his eyes were. She thought about their day at Hogsmeade. She thought about the green, dragon-skin journal that was small enough to sit in her robes pocket – which was why she wore them today when she didn’t need too.

His returning smile was curious and tentative, like he didn’t know what to expect from her. Honestly, Gwen didn’t know what to expect of herself, but she could do nothing to temper down the complete elation she felt spread throughout her body – like it was shining and singing at once. She realized that she had missed him even though she had been sucked into visions with him since New Years. She had missed this Draco. The real Draco.

Her Draco.

She wanted to talk to him. She wanted to ask him about his holiday and life. She wanted to ask him about his favorite Christmas. She wanted to know his worst. She wanted to wrap her arms around him as he spoke to her and tell him it would all be okay.

She blinked suddenly as her thoughts progressed so quickly. He was still watching her. His eyes were contemplative as he scanned over her face. Her face was too telling when she didn’t watch herself and she felt like she needed to watch herself around him. But right now, after having not seen him for so long except for the images in her head, she didn’t want to watch herself. She wanted to let go.  

She closed her book and rose, watching him the whole time. With her eyes she dared him to follow and walked from the hall.

She kept walking, thankful that the castle would be empty for another day and she made it to the Great Lake without being bothered once. It was still freezing, the water was covered with ice, and a light snow dusted the world around her. A grey wonderland.

She continued to stare out at the horizon when she heard him approaching. Another grey wonderland in his own right. She couldn't the help the smile on her face, but she didn't turn her head to look at him as he came to stand next to her.

They both stood by the lake in silence while Gwen swallowed the urge to say “I miss you.”

Instead she just gazed out in front of her and listened to the soft sounds of his breathing.

 _BE Guinevere,_ she demanded of herself.

She turned her head to look at him and felt her breath catch in her throat. Draco Malfoy was really a beautiful man. The cool backdrop was nothing like the Draco that Gwen had been seeing in her head, but he wasn’t any less spectacular to see.

“How are you?” she asked a bit aggressively, because she suddenly couldn’t stand not hearing his voice.

Draco’s mouth hooked to side at her take on polite conversation.

“Alright,” he murmured, “How are you?”

“Alright,” she repeated, deadpanned.

She felt bright with laughter just speaking to him. He watched her with soft, probing eyes, like he was looking to see if something had changed. Gwen felt like something had.

“Did you have a good Christmas?” he asked, still smiling crookedly.

“Yes,” Gwen said sincerely, “Thank you for the journal.”

He didn’t respond. He frowned slightly, neither denying nor accepting her thanks.  

She opened her mouth and then paused, debating if she should say what she was thinking. She felt this overwhelming need to be honest, with everyone and herself, but she also felt her fear trying to battle out her brain.

Draco waited as he watched her eyes flicker back and forth, gathering her thoughts. Gwen frowned slightly, not liking the restraint she felt was imposed on her. Oh, hell, she thought violently, what do I have to lose?

“I thought about you,” she said.

She didn’t look at him when she said. Her cowardice winning over slightly, as she turned back to face the lake. So she felt, rather than saw, the weight of his gaze fixed on her.

“You did?” His voice was deeper.

Gwen nodded, not being able to help the slight smile on her face. Gathering enough courage she turned to shift her eyes towards him.

“Are you surprised?” she asked boldly.

“Completely,” he replied.

His response was immediate and his voice was barbed with a tortured honesty. Feeling spurred forward by his response, Gwen turned her body to face him completely now.

“Didn’t you think of me?”

He turned to face her and they were so close that Gwen tilted her head up to meet his eyes. His expression was far graver than Gwen had ever seen, but it didn’t look cold. It looked like he was burning alive with emotion and trying to cool himself down.

His eyes were flashing, like lightning, with awareness, and where she would once have pulled away from such a moment, she instead leaned in towards him. Her body was burning, her skin felt like static electricity.

“Gwen,” he said, sounding like he might be choking.

As if he wasn’t aware of what he was doing, his hands came down and cradled her cheeks. His thumbs began to brush the cold skin. Gwen’s own hands came up to hold his hands to her, pressing his skin into her own.

“Look at me,” he murmured.

His voice usually smooth voice was gravely with intensity. Gwen opened her eyes and his expression was still lit up with unspent emotion.

“Did I think of you?” he said hoarsely.

He was shaking slightly; Gwen could feel it in his hands. He let out what could have been a laugh, but it sounded more like a groan.

“As if I could think of anything else,” he finally said.

Gwen felt her heart literally stop before taking off like a racehorse. His face was the brightest thing she’d ever seen. He looked like the sun. No, he looked like a flame. He looked like a match that had only just been lit.

She looked down at his lips because if he stopped saying all of these beautiful things, then she was going to kiss him until he kept talking.

This thought surprised her, not because of its fervor, but because Colin’s face suddenly flashed in her mind.

She let out a shaky breath and closed her eyes.

“I can’t,” she whispered.

She didn’t open her eyes until he began to pull away his hands. Her eyes flew open and she gasped onto his hands tightly, catching them and pulling them to her chest where she held them over her heart.

“I’m still with Colin,” she said desperately, trying to explain.

“This is about Flanner?” he began before adding, “Not about…everything else?”

Gwen nodded emphatically.

“Yes,” she said honestly, “The only thing that’s keeping me where I’m standing and not where you’re standing is Colin.”

Desperation to explain her hesitancy loosed her tongue and gave way to her overly forward explanation.

Draco was staring at her incredulously before huffing out a laugh.

“Okay,” he said, his brightness dimming slightly, “Are you going to breakup with him?”

Gwen sighed then.

“Honestly, I don’t know,” she began, “All I know is I’m tired of feeling pressured into making decisions.”

“Who’s pressuring you?”

“Everyone,” she said, “My friends, Colin, myself. I want to do the right thing. I want to do the honorable thing. I want to be fair.”

“And staying with Flanner is fair?” Draco asked, his sneer returning to his face.

Gwen shook her head.

“You don’t get to pressure me either,” she said defiantly.

Gwen thought he might fight her. Rip his hands away and call her friends nasty names – she hoped he did but she also still kind of hoped he would just kiss her anyways.

Instead he did nothing that she expected and nodded his head. He was frowning.

“I’m sorry if I have,” he said.

Gwen couldn’t have look less surprised if Draco had kissed her. His face was sincere and open. He looked like a king. She squeezed his hands, still clutched her her chest, and smiled at him.

“You haven’t,” she assured him, “You’ve just confused the hell out of me.”

Draco smiled at that – a bit rakishly, as well.

“It’s only fair,” he argued, “You’ve made my head all sorts of dizzy.”

She grinned and shook her head. Not wanting to go further when she should be pulling away. Instead she just looked at him. He didn’t look dizzy now. He looked like the Draco she saw in her head these past few days – he looked happy.

“I feel different,” Gwen murmured softly.

“How so?” Draco asked her, with a small smile.

“I just feel like…” Gwen began before sighing, “I don’t know. I just feel different – lighter maybe.”

Draco stepped back and gave her a quick once over.

“You look the same to me,” he teased.

Gwen laughed and pushed his hands back at him. He laughed with her, but immediately reached back out to take her hands in his. Their fingers intertwined and Gwen felt a thrill that started from their joined hands and radiated down to her toes, making them curl in her shoes. Huh, I guess that can happen in real life, she thought.

“I mean lighter here,” Gwen said, punching one of their joined hands to his chest.

Draco help her hand there and brought her other hand up to rest them both on his chest, like she had done earlier.

“Me too,” he said.

“Yeah?” Gwen asked him, unable to not smile.

He nodded, smiling right back at her.

“Yeah.”

Gwen sighed internally and simply stared at him. She got the funny feeling that she’d be content to do so until she lost her eyesight.

Shaking her head, she laughed suddenly.

“I’ve got to go,” she said wryly, “I can’t seem to control myself around you.”

Draco ginned widely at her, but held tight to her hands.

“I’ve seen no evidence of that,” he said.

“I’ve got it all locked up in my head,” she told him.

He glanced up at her head, his gaze going soft again.

“I’d give anything for the key to that head,” he murmured.

 “See what I mean?” she argued, tugging her hands, “You’re making me lose my morals.”

“Is that so?” Draco said, playfully tugging her back towards him.

He looked incredibly pleased with himself and Gwen couldn’t help but laugh, even as she secured her stance.

“Draco,” she said reprovingly, “I mean it. I don’t want to be pressured into or out of anything. I need space.”

Draco frowned again, but didn’t let go of her hands. When Gwen tried to tug them away, he tightened his grip.

“Are you going to ask Flanner for space?”

Gwen rolled her eyes.

“Yes, I am,” she said, “Not that it should matter.”

“It doesn’t,” he insisted too quickly.

Gwen couldn’t help but roll her eyes again. She smiled at her his boyish expression.

“You’re such a guy,” she complained.

Draco laughed then. A real laugh – it was a loud, tinkling infectious sound. He pulled Gwen flush against him and wrapped his arms around her.

“And don’t you forget it,” he murmured in her ear.

She gasped out loud and looked up to him. Her brain and heart fuzzy with wooing. She momentarily forgot everything she said about space. What about space, she thought, oh, right. Space was stupid. Yes, space was ridiculous. Space belonged in space – not besides beautiful lakes with beautiful boys who said beautiful things.

But before she could react on her newfound ideas of space, Draco released her and took three steps away. Gwen beat down the urge to follow him like a puppy.

“Space,” she said, mostly to remind herself.

“Space,” Draco confirmed with a nod.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in two days? Don't get your hopes up folks, but I'm neglecting my Middle English and Linguistics homework and instead wrote this chapter. So much is about to happen I just want to start chugging along, but I unfortunately really do have to do my homework. You guys have been so silent - let me know what you think! It's probably the thing the motivates me the most to post these chapters. I write them anyways, but I sometimes just never get around to typing them up. So let me know how you're feeling because this chapter - that hug - was real. Guys. They're so in love. Even if they don't entirely know it yet.


	15. Changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, and bookmark!! xxxx

It was in the days following her encounter with Draco that Gwen still found herself sighing about it ever so often. The castle had filled back up to its natural fervor and the Great Hall was loud with laughter and conversation.

Gwen was among this, happily surrounded by her friends as she was currently teasing Ron about his holiday hair, as she liked to call it.

“That’s what you get for not brushing it since before Christmas,” Gwen teased, tugging on his long hair.

“Whatever,” Ron muttered, ‘You always think you’re funnier right after the holidays.”

Gwen raised her eyebrows, a slight smile on her face.

“What do you mean?”

Run shrugged, swallowing his dinner before he spoke again. He examined Gwen’s expression with an unnatural perceptiveness.

“You’re always happier after the holidays,” he said.

“Isn’t everyone?” Gwen countered.

He shook his head.

“You’re always much happier after the holidays,” he repeated, “Like you’re recharged or something and then throughout the term it’s like you’re just slowly being drained.”

Gwen felt her face go neutral to mask her shock.

She always forgot how aware Ron was. He stayed silent so often and then just dropped these overwhelmingly observations until you were left completely taken aback and vulnerable. He never did it to be cruel. He was just in-tuned to other people’s behaviors in a way that one wouldn’t expect.

Gwen noticed the surprised faces of Hermione and Harry. Expect while Hermione’s expression was mostly shock, Harry’s face was tense. He always felt bad that Gwen practically ran back home every break – he thought it was a side effect of being his friend. The holidays had done nothing to ebb away the tension from Harry’s face. These last few months had increasingly aged him and they were all worried.

Gwen forced a grin on her face.

‘You try sitting through one of Umbridge’s lessons and try not to be drained,” she joked.

 Ron laughed and Hermione half-heartedly smiled, but Harry’s face remained unconvinced and strained. Gwen gave Hermione a purposeful wide-eyed look and with the efficacy of a military general, Hermione suddenly launched into a detailed list of all the duties Ron had forgotten to do before the holiday.

Merlin. How long had she been sitting on that?

With Ron groaning and bickering with Hermione, Gwen looked across at Harry and gave his leg a soft kick.

Harry looked up from his plate to Gwen’s gentle expression. His own features were cautious and his eyes hard with stress.

Gwen gave him an incredibly serious look and leaned forward.

“Are you going to finish that?” she asked, pointing down to a biscuit on Harry’s plate.

Harry followed Gwen’s finger and looked back up at her, his lips twitching. The tension left his face as he handed the biscuit to Gwen. She bit into the soft fluffy bread with a wide grin and winked at Harry, causing him to laugh.

Ron noticed Harry was looking up and immediately pulled him into he and Hermione’s argument. Gwen enjoyed herself just watching her friends for a moment. Hermione was laughing against her will, while Ron was smiling goofily at her, and Harry was just grinning and shaking his head. She relished in the warmth that spread over her. Yes, she thought, this is where she wanted to be.

Letting her eyes scan the room around them, Gwen’s eyes instinctively moved over to the Slytherin table and smiled when she saw Draco cutting into something and bringing the fork to his mouth.

They hadn’t spoke since their last conversation. He was surprisingly accommodating her space request, something that she appreciated. 

He looked away from his friends and his eyes fell on Gwen, revealing a repeated practice. He must watch her unaware often because when he saw that she was already watching him, he paused his movements.

He sat with his fork held in midair and his mouth open all while staring at her in surprise. Gwen bit her lip to keep from laughing and blinked a hello. Draco put the fork down and closed his mouth, recovering from his stillness.

His lips turned up in one-side, creating the most devastating crooked smile that Gwen had ever seen. Although the rest of his features were cast neutrally, so to not draw attention, his eyes lit up. He blinked back three times slowly.

Gwen held her breath, as she felt a flurry of warmth spread through her body. Good lord, he could do that to her just by blinking in her direction.

A sudden kick was delivered swiftly to her leg.

“Ow,” she yelled.

She tried to make her stare accusatory instead of guilty as she glared at Harry, but he obviously hadn’t noticed where she was looking because he was too busy looking over Ron’s shoulder.

“Incoming,” he said.

Gwen knew what that meant, but she couldn’t help but comment.

“We need a new bloody warning system,” she muttered.

Ron snorted a laugh as Gwen felt an arm wrap around her shoulders. A swift kiss was pressed to her cheek. Gwen turned and smiled over her surprise.

“Hey,” she said.  

He looked so different to Gwen. Actually he looked the same. It would be more accurate to say that she felt different – he felt different to her, but she couldn’t identify if it was in a negative way.

Colin smiled at her and leaned in to kiss her on the lips. Gwen allowed it as she took stock of how she felt. The kiss itself was commendable – not too wet or aggressive, very nice. This didn’t surprise her; she knew Colin was a nice kisser.

He finally broke apart from her and looked her in the eye.

“Hey,” he said, grinning puckishly at her.

He was handsome, Gwen noted, and always kind to her. Especially that day she and Harry had gotten in a fight. She had been irritated with him in the weeks that followed since he kept treating her like a wounded animal, but that was because he was nice. Right?

“You’re not wearing the necklace.” Colin immediately noticed.

Gwen, not sure what to say, simply remained quiet as she stared at him. She knew that he saw her neutral expression, but internally she felt a sudden panic. She didn’t think he’d just point it out like that. She hadn’t even taken out of the box. She didn’t want to until she was sure about things.

Skimming over her silence, Colin continued.

“Did you not like it,” he said worriedly, “I can get my mum to exchange it for you, if you want.”

“No, Colin,” Gwen said immediately, feeling guilty.

Dammit, she thought she was done with all of this guilt.

“Really, it was lovely,” she said.

Colin smiled, completely reassured.

“Actually,” Gwen said, feeling a bit nervous, “Can we go on a walk?”

“Yeah,” Colin said enthusiastically.

He quickly jumped up and held out his hand to Gwen. She took it, aware of how observed she suddenly felt. No pressure, she reminded herself.

She quickly led Colin from the Great Hall and out into the castle. It was cooler here without the rest of their peers. The sounds of the Great Hall echoed as Gwen and Colin walked further, ignoring the chill of the evening.

Colin had been uncharacteristically quiet, as if he too had something heavy on his mind. Another thing Gwen noted – Colin did talk a lot. Not that it was necessarily annoying, but it overwhelmed her sometimes when she wanted to sit quietly.

She added it to the list she was making in her head as she halted their movement.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Gwen began.

Colin turned his body to face her.

 “Are you breaking up with me?”

Gwen suspected that she’d feel nervous at this moment, but she was strangely calm.

“I’m not breaking up with you,” she said slowly, “but I do want some space.”

“Space?” Colin said, clearly confused.

Gwen didn’t blame him.

“Yeah, space,” she said.

“What does that mean?” Colin asked.

Gwen gently let go of his hand.

“I just need to think about our relationship and –” she explained, before he cut her off.

“What about it?” Colin said.

Gwen frowned at him. She didn’t like people who spoke over her.

“Honestly, Colin,” she said, taking care to keep her voice calm, “I don’t really know why we’re together.”

Pain flashed across his face. He was hunched forward, his head hanging down towards Gwen.

“I know why,” Colin argued quietly.

Gwen tilted her head at him curiously. Why was he so much surer than she was?

“Why then?” she asked quietly.

She watched his eyes flash from side-to-side as he thought of a reason.

“Because we want to be,” Colin said, albeit a bit lamely.

His face was sincere though and Gwen focused on that for a moment as she measured the pros and cons in her head. It was actually quite a romantic thing to say and although she felt a slight flutter in her chest, she couldn’t help but think that that wasn’t enough. She kept her voice soft, not wanting to hurt him any further. She waited until he looked at her.

“I don’t _know_ if I want to be, Colin,” she said.

Colin’s frown deepened and if it was possible, he hunched further down. Gwen felt bad because although this was something she had been thinking about for a while, she did realize that this was coming as a shock to him on some level.

But how could it? She wondered. She’d been so quiet the last few weeks. They’d been spending so much time together in attempts for Gwen to cope with her own fears of failure and guilt. How could he have not noticed? She’d been away from her friends the whole time. She barely ate. She couldn’t write. He knew about her writing. How could he have thought she was happy?

“So what happens now?” Colin finally said. “We’re together but not?”

“Something like that, yeah,” Gwen said honestly.

Colin looked away from her again.

“I just need time to think, Colin,” Gwen said, “I don’t want to be pressured or made to feel guilty.”

He opened his mouth to argue with her maybe, but he shut it and frowned again.

“Is…” he said, pausing, “Is there someone else?”

Gwen didn’t answer for a moment. She didn’t want to lie, but to tell the truth could be a risk.

“The space isn’t because someone else,” Gwen said carefully, “It’s for me.”

“You didn’t say no,” Colin noted, with a surly expression.  

“No, I didn’t,” she acknowledged.

Her voice wasn’t sharp, but it was plain in its honesty. Colin and she just stared at each other for a moment. He hadn’t stopped frowning since the conversation started. He looked so different like that. Older, maybe. She could see the guilt clear in his expression so she softened a bit.

“I understand if you’d want to break up with me,” she murmured.

Colin immediately shook his head.

“No, I’ll give you space,” he said.

Gwen nodded before speaking again, trying to be as honest as she could be

“I really do care about you, Colin,” she said softly.

Colin smiled. It didn’t hold its usual cheer, but it changed his face back into the Colin she knew.

He looked at her from under his eye lashes.

“So much has changed,” he said quietly.

Gwen smiled sadly, looking up at him. She knew what he really wanted to say was that she had changed and because she couldn’t tell him otherwise, she returned his sad smile.

“Yeah,” she whispered, “it has.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know what to say, but here's another chapter. I don't know how long this will last, but I'm trying to do my best. Let me know what you think about Colin's reaction and Gwen's to make all of these big decisions.


	16. He Was Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark!! xxxx

If Gwen had a propensity to sulk, she would have discovered that the world did not stop spinning because of her own problems, and that there simply was not time in the next few weeks to drown herself in her own depressing thoughts. Especially since the world around her was so much more depressing.

She and her friends stared at the latest copy of the _Daily Prophet_ without speaking. It seemed everyone had read the paper, as the usual breakfast clamor was reduced to a murmur.

“I felt it,” Harry said quietly.

Gwen looked up at Harry and saw that her friends all had similar expressions of surprise.

“Felt what?” Ron asked. He leaned forward causing the two other girls to lean forward as well.

“I felt him. He was…happy,” Harry said, struggling with another emotion.

“The Occulumency lessons with Snape though,” Hermione said, “They’re supposed to be stopping him from accessing your mind.”

“I’m not strong enough to block him yet,” Harry said, shaking his head.

None of them spoke for a few more minutes, not quite sure what to say.

“They all escaped,” Gwen murmured, “Ten Death Eaters.”

“The Dementors must have changed allegiance,” Hermione said, “That’s the only way.”

“The article says it’s Sirius who they’ve gone to find,” Gwen said suddenly angry.

The paper was in her hand as she scanned over its contents again for the umpteenth time.

“He’s apparently the ringleader,” she said sarcastically.

Harry’s face went even harder and Gwen felt a swift kick of guilt, instantly contrite of her insensitivity.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” she said.

She couldn’t reach across the table to hug him so she nudged his leg from under the table.

He nodded but said nothing.

“I’ve got to go.” Hermione suddenly announced.

They all looked at her in surprise.

“Where are you going?” Gwen asked.

She lifted her brows skeptically at her suddenly urgent friend.

“I have to go run an errand,” Hermione said.

She quickly gathered her books and reached over to grab the paper right out of Gwen’s hand. Without even so much as a “goodbye,” Hermione promptly dashed off. Gwen blinked at her retreating form, but said nothing.

“I guess we should be getting to class,” Gwen said eventually.

The three of them began to gather their things and stand up. Gwen hooked arms with Ron as they walked down the hall. It had been weeks since she initiated her self-imposed space and she hadn’t really been thinking too hard about the implications of the space. There was too much going on for Gwen to be obsessed with her love life.

“Did Harry tell you?” Ron murmured to her, as they walked down towards the doors.

Harry was currently walking on the opposite side of the long tables. Gwen looked at Harry before looking back at Ron.

“Tell me what?” she asked curiously.

She had unconsciously lowered voice to match Ron’s, as if anyone could hear them.

“He asked Cho Change to Hogsmeade on Valentine’s Day,” he said.

Gwen opened her mouth in surprise and let out a surprised laugh that lasted a breath.

“Did he?” she mused, “I’m surprised he worked up the courage.”

“It’s got nothing to do with courage,” Ron said cheekily, “He just wants to snog her again.”

Gwen laughed out loud at that. They were rejoined by Harry, who gave them both skeptical looks.

“What’s so funny?” He asked.

“Absolutely nothing,” Gwen said.

It seemed that although she had no time to obsess about her own love life, she had plenty of energy to plot ways into getting Harry into confessing all about his. She detangled herself from Ron and punched Harry’s arm.

“Let’s go,” she said.

They spoke quietly as they made their way to class. Gwen divided in between listening and looking around as they spoke.

“Hagrid,” she called out suddenly.

She waved over at him with a bright grin.

“Hello, Gwen,” Hagrid said brightly, “Ron, Harry.”

Despite his bright voice, something pulled in Gwen’s stomach. An overwhelming sense of distress filled her system, like a cloud of smog curling up her body and into her head. She almost felt nauseous, but in her brain.

“What’s wrong?” she asked Hagrid.

“How did you know something is wrong?” Hagrid said surprised.

“I had a feeling,” Gwen said quickly.

Harry and Ron were both looking at Hagrid and she in succession before looking back at Hagrid.

“Well, er, if you must know,” Hagrid began uncomfortably, “I’ve been put on probation.”

“Probation?” Harry said loudly.

Hagrid flinched and nodded a bit.

“By who?” Ron asked.

“Umbridge,” Hagrid muttered quietly.

Harry opened his mouth, but Hagrid put out his hand.

“Now don’t go gettin’ upset over something like this,” Hagrid said, “it’ll work itself out.”

“How can you be so calm, Hagrid?” Ron asked, a bit bewildered.

“Dumbledore will take care of it,” Hagrid said, “Don’t you worry.”

His voice had taken on a cheery tone again, but Gwen felt another swirl of pain, paranoia, and fear. It was mostly pain she felt tug sharply at her head. She said nothing as they eventually walked away from Hagrid and made their way into class.

Gwen moved in front of Harry and Ron to get her seat inside of their row. Hermione was already sitting on the innermost seat. Gwen sat down next to her without really paying attention to her.

Ron leaned around Harry, who was sitting next to Gwen.

“How did you know something was wrong with him?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she said honestly.

She was looking forward, but she didn’t see anything. Her focus was trained internally as she focused on the draining swirl inside her head. It was like Hagrid’s expression was trying loosen something in her mind. She closed her eyes and gasped sharply as it came to her, like a rubber band snapping across her brain.  

Images flitted across her mind. Nothing concrete. Small screenshot that she couldn’t quite focus on until she suddenly could.

_Hagrid’s face was cut and bruised. One of his eyes were swollen and he was chained by the neck and arms. He was sobbing loudly over something._

Gwen’s mind was pulling her further, pulling her farther into her own head. She heard the voices around her swim out as the sounds in her head grew louder.

_They were cheering. A loud harsh sound grating against the earth. Hagrid was still crying, his hands gently touching someone’s face._

_“Oh, no,” he sobbed quietly._

_His tears were running down his face harder now. He was struggling to keep his eyes open against the torrent._

_“Get up!” A loud voice called behind him._

_Someone kicked Hagrid but it barely made an impact. Hagrid lifted a body into his arms, cradling it close to his chest._

_“Oh, Harry,” he whispered._

_His voice was raw with a visceral pain. He adjusted the glasses on Harry’s limp face._

_“You can’t be dead,” Hagrid said, burying his face into Harry’s lifeless chest._

_He looked down at Harry’s face. Pale, cold…dead._

_“You just can’t be.”_

Gwen hit the back of her chair so hard it fell over as she leapt up. She was breathing heavily and she felt the onslaught of tears. Everyone in the room paused to look at her. She kept looking ahead. She knew she must look wild because she felt wild.

Her eyes were wide open, trying to stop the flow of overwhelming emotion from pouring from her.

“Gwen?”

She turned to Hermione and saw her looking at Gwen with concern. Gwen immediately turned her head and focused in on Harry’s face.

His eyebrows were furrowed and his eyes wide with shock. The skin around her eyes tightened to an almost painful degree as she widened them even further. She stared at him like he wasn’t real, like if she blinked he would become the face in her vision.

“Gwen?” Hermione said quietly from her left.

Gwen couldn’t look away from Harry’s face. She wanted to take his entire body and shove into her own so she could protect him from whatever was happening to him now. She wanted to save him from everything that she just saw.

She heard people start murmuring but Gwen didn’t actually hear them. Her heart was pounding so loud that it was all she could focus on. It felt like there was a death grip on her chest as she stared at Harry with wide eyes. She could practically feel the blood moving through her body.

And she couldn’t stop staring at him. She was too afraid to. She felt someone gently reach down and grasp her hand. She jumped at the contact and looked down.

It was Harry’s hand clasped around her own.

“Gwen,” he said quietly.

Gwen looked back up at his face, feeling choked by the tears burning her throat. She clasped his hand tightly.

“Sit down,” Harry said.

His voice was soft, but it was the only thing Gwen could hear as she slowly sat back down. Someone must have picked up her chair for.

She watched Harry’s face the entire time she sat down.

“I saw…” she said.

She had to stop because her voice choked up.

“Attention,” Professor McGonagall called out from the front of the room, “Let’s begin.”

Gwen didn’t look away from Harry as she continued to hold his hand and memorize his face.

He was okay.

He was okay.

He was okay.

She kept repeating it to herself over and over again as she schooled the overwhelming anxiety in her chest. She finally got control of her breathing slowly, but still she watched him with a sense of desperate urgency.

Harry was still watching her. His face reflected her anxiety as he squeezed her hand. She returned the squeeze just to remind herself that she was there.

Gwen had the sudden urge to grab all three of her friends and go running to her mother’s house.

“Ms. Easton,” McGonagall called out, “Is there something on Potter’s face that you find more interesting than what I’m saying?”

A few people snickered but Gwen felt nothing in terms of embarrassment. She reluctantly and slowly pulled her face away and looked at Professor McGonagall. Whatever the older woman saw in Gwen’s eyes must have surprised her because she said nothing for a moment, but then she blinked and began to lecture with a vigor that turned everyone towards her.

Gwen didn’t want to let go of Harry’s hand but she knew she should. Harry made no attempts to let go of hers either, as if he sensed how important it was for her to know that he was right there next to her.

They sat like that – quietly holding hands as Gwen gathered herself into an outward state of apathy. Internally, she wanted to reach out her other hand towards Hermione and grow another arm and attach herself to Ron. Instead she continued to breath slowly, working herself out from her own mind by building a box around it and locking it away.

It took every ounce of self-control and strength she had to relax her expression into a cool, unaffected mask.

After what might have been five minutes or even an hour, Gwen slowly let go of Harry’s hand. She had been holding it so tightly that her hand hurt and was slicked with warmth.

She looked forward and quietly began to take notes. She saw people look at her a few times during class but she paid them no mind. She listened and took notes mindlessly, hearing nothing but the familiar sounds of the classroom. Next thing she knew class was dismissed. She sat still for a moment aware of the overwhelming attention on her again.  

She felt her friend’s hesitancy to gather their things as they waited for the classroom to empty out. She kept her eyes cast down as she slowly and methodically put things in her bag. When the sounds of the room faded, Gwen finally looked up.

Hermione reached out and put a comforting hand on her arm. Gwen looked at her friend with neutral eyes.

“Gwen,” she said, “What happened?”

Gwen closed her eyes against the overwhelming burden she was holding on her own. She kept having these visions, episodes, whatever they were and they were happening too often now to ignore. She needed help or at the very least she needed her friends. Actually she probably needed them more than she needed help.

She was holding onto too many secrets and she just couldn’t anymore. She didn’t want to be alone in a fortress of her own secrecy. She let out a sigh of relief and kept her eyes closed as she spoke quietly.

“I need to tell you guys something.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER CHAPTER! Also - I want your opinion on something. So I've decided to either keep Year 5 at 20 chapters but only post maximum once a week OR extend it to 25 chapters and post at least twice a week until it's done. So either one really long chapter once a week or two medium size chapters twice a week. What would you all prefer? Let me know! That way I can go about putting this story on a schedule so guys know when you look for updates.


	17. Half-Blood, Half-Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comment, kudos, bookmark!! xxxx

Gwen finally snuck into the Room of Requirement – late to the DA meeting. She had gotten caught up in writing a letter to Adora before she suddenly realized that she was over an hour late.

She finally came in and put her things down. She turned and saw Hermione glaring at her disapprovingly. Gwen smiled apologetically.

“Sorry, I’m late,” she said.

Hermione opened her mouth, but Ginny cut her off.

“We’re practicing Shield Charms,” she said, saving Gwen from Hermione’s lecturing.

Gwen nodded walking towards them.

“Gwen doesn’t need to practice Shield Charms,” Hermione said, before grumbling, “So I guess it’s alright that she was late.”

Ginny looked at Gwen sharply.

“What does she mean?”

Gwen made a look of discomfort. She didn’t really want to explain her natural skill at Charms, in general, specifically enchantments that involved protection. She had always been that way – she had a natural inclination to defend.

“Actually, Gwen,” Harry said, coming over to them, “You should demonstrate instead of me. You’re better at it.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. She was kind of hoping he said no.

He smiled at her encouragingly and nodded.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he said, laughter in his voice.

Gwen nodded, but avoided looking around at everyone crowding around to eagerly watch her. She took out her wand and held it firmly in hand.

She held up her hands and with a steely calm she was mostly faking, she cast her spell.

“Protego maxima.”

It was an incredibly powerful spell and not one that she should have been able to cast, but during their third year Gwen had cast it while they were running from sort of danger or another. The same year that Harry had cast a patronus.

She controlled the bubble so it just surrounded her. She heard the muffled clamor around her as her fellow students cheered and clapped at her. She gave an awkward grin and bow.

Harry grinned back at her and began to cast spells to penetrate her shield, but each one simply rebounded off the protective bubble. After giving everyone a try to penetrate her shield, Gwen lowered it.

“That was incredible, Gwen,” Neville said enthusiastically.

“Thank you, Neville,” Gwen said kindly.

She moved back next to Hermione, who was smiling proudly at her.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Gwen snapped.

“Like what?”

“Like I’m your son and I just scored my first homerun,” Gwen said.

Hermione’s face scrunched up in confusion.

“Is that an American saying?” she asked.  

Gwen rolled her eyes.

“It’s baseball,” she said.

Hermione shrugged off her response and reached down to grab her things. Gwen followed suit and slid the strap of her bag onto her shoulder.  

“Either way,” Hermione changed the subject, “I’m hungry.”

Gwen nodded her assent.

“Lunch?”

“Yes.”

The two girls turned and began to walk out when someone stepped in front of them.

“Hey,” Colin said.

Gwen felt a pang in her chest. It had been weeks since they last spoke. She had seen him during DA meetings, but hadn’t interacted with him directly. Things had been so hectic with her friends since she got back that she hadn’t really thought about Colin in a while. What did that mean?

“Hey,” Gwen said softly.

“I’ll just meet you in the Great Hall,” Hermione murmured. She looked at Gwen with encouragement and gave Colin a kind smile goodbye.

Gwen watched Hermione walk out and realized that there were a few stragglers in the room still. She turned her gaze back to Colin who was looking at her palpable nervousness.

He looked like she remembered. His hair was still short from getting it cut over break. His big calf eyes were as clear and hopeful as she recalled. His smile was small and shy, something new for him. She was almost surprised to realize that she missed him, but she did. She had missed his laughter and conversation.  

“I just wanted to say that really amazing,” Colin said, “your Shield Charm.”

“Oh,” Gwen said, slightly surprised, “thank you.”

Colin smiled and nodded his head.

“I didn’t know you had that kind of power,” he said softly.

Gwen smiled uncomfortably, but it probably just looked like a grimace.

“I don’t really,” she said nonchalantly, “I guess I’m just good at self-protection.” 

She said it without thinking. It was official – she was an idiot.

Colin’s eyes flashed for a moment and his smile became sad as he watched her.

“I guess so,” he said.

Gwen didn’t really know what to say at this point. She didn’t think she could talk her foot out of her mouth, but she couldn’t just leave him like this, but he spoke again before she could.

“I was wondering,” Colin said, before clearing his throat, “I mean I know you said you wanted space and I’m not trying to mess that up or anything, but I was just thinking…”

Gwen furrowed her brows slightly as she waited.

“Thinking?” she said imploringly.

“Well it’s Valentine’s Day weekend,” he continued.

 “Oh,” she said. Finally realizing what he was actually thinking.

He was sweating a little, Gwen noticed. He licked his lips nervously and he was looking back down at his feet now. His hands were in his pockets and he was hunched forward towards Gwen.

“I was just wondering if maybe I could see you,” he finally said.

He had spoken so quietly that Gwen wouldn’t have heard him unless she was standing where she was.

When he finally looked back up her, Gwen realized she hadn’t spoken yet.

“I…” she began, thinking it over in her head quickly, “I…sure.”

Was she sure? She missed him, yes, but what did that mean?

The hope that flooded through Colin’s face was almost too much for Gwen to look at head-on. She looked down at her feet nervously, aware that she was being a coward.

“Okay, great,” Colin said. His voice full of barely suppressed joy.

Gwen looked and gave him a smile because she couldn’t help herself.

“I’ll see you then,” she said softly.

Colin nodded again softly. He took a step towards Gwen and her head fell back slightly so she could look him in the eye. They stood like that for a few moments and she was sure if she leaned her back an inch further, Colin would kiss her. It was funny how nervous she had been when they first started kissing, then she’d grown to like it, and now she was nervous he was going to kiss her again.

She smiled and looked down, making eye contact with his chest.

“Bye,” he said quietly.

Gwen said bye soundlessly and watched as he walked away backwards. His hopeful grin bright as he watched her the whole time. She laughed at his antics and shook her head.

When he finally left the room, she was still smiling.

“So that’s back on, yeah?” Harry said.

He had come to stand next to Gwen. Gwen turned and looked at him. The last remnants of her smile fading slightly as she breathed in deeply. She couldn’t help the overwhelming tide of relief she felt when she saw Harry’s alive face. It had been weeks since her episode in class and weeks since she told her friends that she was having visions.

She recalled the conversation that took place in the empty Gryffindor common room floor late that night -

_“Visions?” Ron said._

_His tone was a little disbelieving, but Gwen wasn’t offended. She knew how it sounded so she just nodded._

_“Isn’t sight passed through bloodlines?” Harry asked, “Something you have to be born with?”_

_“I suppose that does answer some questions about your birth, Gwen,” Hermione said quietly._

_Gwen turned and looked at her surprised. They never spoke about Gwen’s mystery origins, not because they couldn’t but because Gwen had never been concerned with it._

_“What do mean?” She said worriedly._

_“I mean,” Hermione rationalized, “That we know you had at least one magical parent – you’re a half-blood at least.”_

_Gwen sat on the information for a moment before shaking her head._

_“I don’t care about that,” she concluded._

_Hermione smiled at her. Her expression was almost grateful._

_“But wouldn’t you have been having them your whole life?” Ron asked._

_Gwen shook her head._

_“I really don’t know,” she confessed._

_“How long have you been having them?” Harry asked._

_Gwen looked at him. Her eyes were a little desperate as she stared at him, not ready to look away from his face full of life._

_“Last year,” she said._

_“Why didn’t you say anything Gwen?” Hermione admonished gently._

_Gwen shook her head and closed her eyes before looking into the fire that burned peacefully past Harry’s head as she spoke._

_“I didn’t understand what was happening at first. I didn’t know what they were or could be, but then I saw…”_

_She paused, her voice catching painfully in her throat. She bit her lip to fight off the tears threatening to spill over._

_“What did you see, Gwen?” Hermione asked gently._

_“I saw you,” Gwen said, looking at Harry, “and Cedric in the graveyard. I saw him get killed before it happened.”_

_Had it been different circumstances, Gwen would have laughed at the look of shock on her friends faces. But things weren’t different, so instead she just he wiped the tears that fell down her face._

_“I saw it before it happened,” she continued, crying softly, “and then when it actually happened I was so ashamed.”_

_“Ashamed?” Ron asked, scooting forward._

_Gwen shook her head violently and covered her face with her hands._

_“I saw it. I could’ve warned him. I could’ve saved him.”_

_She was still trying to repress her tears so her voice was ripping violently from her throat._

_She felt someone pull her hands from her face. Hermione was staring at her with a ferocity that she usually reserved for enemies._

_“Gwen,” she began._

_Her voice was as steady and firm as her gaze._

_“You didn’t know what was happening,” she said, “You couldn’t have stopped what happened, even if you told.”_

_Gwen started crying in earnest then. She might have felt embarrassed except that she was so emotionally drained that she couldn’t muster the strength._

_Her friends all scooted closer to her and hugged her._

_She raised her head from her hands and looked at Harry, with tears streaming down her face._

_“I’m so sorry,” she said to him._

_She didn’t know what she was apologizing for, but felt compelled to say it to him now._

_Harry only shook his head from where he sat in front of her._

_“No,” he said gently, “You’ve nothing to be sorry for.”_

_Gwen leaned forward from where she was sitting and rested her head against Harry’s chest and started crying again, gripping his sweater. He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly to him. Ron and Hermione scooted close to her sides and wrapped their arms around her. Hermione leaned her cheek against Gwen’s back and whispered softly to her._

_“You’re not alone, Gwen,” she said softly, “You’re never alone.”_

Looking at Harry at present day reflected little of their conversation that night, but Gwen had only worried for them increasingly with everyday. She hadn’t had a single vision since that day in McGonagall’s classroom – a fact she was profoundly thankful for.

He nodded towards where Colin walked out from.

“I’m going to try again,” Gwen said, “That was the whole point of the space thing, I think. See if anything changed.”

“Do you think it has?” He asked her.

“I guess I’ll find out this weekend,” she said, before turning to look at him with a sly smile.

“Maybe we can go on a double date,” she said casually, “You know, Colin and me, you and Cho Chang.”

Harry flushed as if he’d forgotten about his date.

“You’re blushing,” Gwen teased.

“I’m not,” Harry argued, making Gwen laugh.

“Mmhmm…” she teased, as they began their walk towards the Great Hall, “Don’t worry Harry, I’m sure Cho is quivering in excitement.”

“Quivering, really?” Harry drawled, raising his eyebrows slightly.

Gwen blushed slightly at the implications.

“Actually you’re right,” she said, “She’s probably trying to think of a way out of it.”

Harry stopped walking and gave Gwen a panicked look.

“How do you know that?”

Gwen huffed out a laugh and put her hands on Harry’s shoulders.

“Reeeeeeeeeelax, Potter,” she said, stretching out her words, “I’m sure she’s looking forward to it.”

Harry frowned, but his expression was still nervous.

“Do you really think so?” He asked boyishly.

“I’m almost positive,” Gwen said.

She couldn’t help but grin widely at him. He could face countless evils with a brave face, but the second he was in front a girl he fancied he started quaking in his boots.

“What a sweet couple,” a nasty voice called out.

Gwen let her arms drop as she and Harry both turned to look at the group of boys in front of them. Gwen’s eyes almost immediately went to Draco, who was looking at her with tight lips.

“You and Potter makin’ it official then?” Crabbe continued, “Orphans who shag together, stay together. Ain’t that right, Draco?”

Gwen, who had been looking at Crabbe while he was speaking, turned to look back at Draco. He wasn’t even trying to look as if he wasn’t staring at her. His eyes were cold and ice blue. He was looking at her as if they’d never spoken, as if they’d never touched, as if he hadn’t filled her dreams.

“Draco?” Crabbe called out again.

Gwen noticed how none of the other boys touched him. The rest of the boys were somewhat pressed together – be it shoulders or arms, but Draco was only surrounded by space. Like they knew better than to touch him.

Gwen, who fully expected Draco to give into what his friends were expecting of him, made her face completely neutral as she waited.

That was the first sign of irritation Gwen saw from him. His tight-lipped expression became a frown, as he watched her face lose all emotion. He looked at her with challenge in his eyes.

_This is for you._

Without giving into his friends or uttering another word, Draco turned on his heels and walked away into the Great Hall. Immediately the rest of them scurried after him, throwing jeers at Harry and Gwen as they left, but they were mostly stupid and made no sense.

“What was that all about?” Harry said after a moment.

“I have no idea,” Gwen said quietly.

Harry must have heard something strange in her voice because he turned and looked at her from the corner of his eye. Gwen forced herself to look away from Draco’s retreating form.

“It’s not like Malfoy to let an opportunity go by him and say nothing,” Harry commented.

Gwen shrugged her shoulders like she was indifferent to what just happened. Her face still strategically emotionless.

“Who cares,” she said, “I’m hungry.”

And with that, she continued towards the Great Hall. She sat on her usual side of the table, next to Hermione this time. Gwen had taken up the habit of sitting with her back to Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw and her eyes facing the Slytherin table. She hadn’t given it much thought when she started doing it unconsciously, but as she stared at Draco, who had also happened to always sit facing the Gryffindor table, Gwen started to think that she was really good at convincing herself of half-truths.  

Draco looked up from his plate, like he felt Gwen watching him. Gwen couldn’t help the internal sigh that rushed through her system as she watched his face soften at the sight of her. His eyes were still tense though – not as harsh as they were in the hallway, but still not like the Draco she was coming to know.

_It’s not like Malfoy to let an opportunity go by him and say nothing._

That’s what Harry said, she recalled, as they watched each other. He was proving to himself to her. He was proving to her that they could work.

She couldn’t help the smile that made its way onto her face. Draco blinked once, like he was dazed for a moment. His face didn’t change, but he looked like was trying to absorb her expression. He didn’t smile in response, but Gwen knew he was alright. He took a sip of his pumpkin juice and licked his lips.

Gwen’s smiled faded as she focused on his lips for a moment, causing him to smirk.

“Gwen,” Hermione called out, pushing her arm.

Gwen snapped with attention at her friend, almost spraining her neck in the process.

“What?” she said loudly.

“I asked what happened with Colin?” Hermione said.

“Oh,” Gwen said, trying to remember, “We’re going on Valentines Day.”

Hermione looked at her surprised.

“What about the space thing?” she asked.

Gwen shrugged, not really sure what she was doing. And wasn’t that the biggest half-truth of her entire life.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm waiting to see if there's more of a consensus with the number of posts a week. Special thanks to Katiemarie34 for her vote! Since it was the only one, I think I'm just going to go ahead with two posts a week. I still haven't narrowed down the days yet, but I'll let you know by next chapter. Let me know what you guys think! I couldn't keep Gwen out of her love triangle for too long. I know it might seem like Gwen's being a little obtuse about the relationship thing, but it's her first boyfriend and she also has a crippling fear of being alone - so she's sorting through herself while dealing with other people. Have patience with her guys. She really is doing her best.


	18. I Will Not Keep Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comment, kudos, bookmark!!

Gwen tried to stay awake during Professor McGonagall’s lesson, but she kept feeling her head drift slip down her hands. Hermione was helping by nudging Gwen awake every time she drifted too far down in her seat – which normally bothered Gwen, but she was grateful for it now.

She had another vision last night and it did not leave her fluttery or blushing like the others. This one scared her. She had been having more of those recently.

_Gwen was sitting on the floor in an unfamiliar room. She was trying to stifle her tears as the silence filled all around them._

_“We have to go,” Harry said quietly._

_Hermione and Ron nodded._

_Gwen bit her bit and focused on the carpet beneath her fingers. She said nothing._

_Harry called out to her gently. “Gwen?”_

_Gwen didn’t look up at first. She counted – one, two, three, four, five – and then looked to meet her friends soft gaze._

_Harry was older. His glasses were smudged and askew. They did nothing to detract from the painfully tired expression of his eyes and the purple smudges of sleepless nights that bruised his face._

_“It’s okay,” Harry said._

_“I just can’t,” Gwen said, her voice halting._

_“We know, Gwen,” Hermione reassured._

_She grasped Gwen’s hand and Gwen tightened her own hold._

_“She needs me,” Gwen defended._

_Hermione nodded tenderly. Gwen looked back down and wiped an errant tear from her face._

_“We’ve never been apart,” she murmured to them, “Not for something like this.”_

_“We’re never really apart,” Ron said softly._

Gwen sighed, rubbing her chest to physically scrub the painful emotions from surfacing again. Although her friends knew about her visions she felt strange telling them about them. They hadn’t asked her about it after the one incident last time and even then she’d managed to not tell them what she saw. She had been too horrified at the time and later when she could even try to recall it without feeling like throwing up, other things had happened.

It helped that they could recognize when she was tired or when one would sneak up on her. Hermione had helped her run interference once last week in Flitwick’s class by making an excuse for Gwen to leave class, but other than that Gwen kept her visions to herself.

She felt that if she spoke about what she saw it would be like carving something in stone and recently, everything she had been seeing was not something she wanted to remember.

Her visions weren’t always so serious – sometimes they had nothing to do with her friends and the doom that seemed to be following their footsteps. Some of them were about Draco…a lot of them had been about Draco. She no longer dreamt. She recognized the flashes in her head as snippets of the future, but something the visions were not of anyone else. Some of them had been just her. Sometimes she saw glimpses of herself years from now walking, laughing, writing. It was like her subconscious was trying to soothe her, assure her that it would not always be bad. She would have some light.

A letter flew through the air and Gwen smelled it before she saw it. It was one of Umbridge’s and they were characteristically pink and heavily perfumed. She used these new flying notes telling teachers to send certain students to her office. She had been getting bolder and more overt in her attempts to quell the small rebellion spreading through the school.

McGonagall’s face stiffened with irritation as the note flew up to her. She gripped it with both hands, as if to tear it in half, before she exhaled a dignified puff of air (Everything Professor McGonagall did was dignified) and broke the seal. Her lips flattened into a stiff white line as her eyes moved across the letter. She hands visibly tensed, creasing the stiff paper.

She looked up at the wave of students before her eyes met Gwen’s. Gwen saw worry in McGonagall’s hard gaze. Had the room not been so quiet, Gwen would have never heard her.

“Ms. Easton, gather your things, please.” McGonagall said, “You are to head to Professor Umbridge’s office immediately.”

It sounded like a sentencing. The room immediately burst into low whispers. Gwen felt the blood leave her face, but she quickly rearranged her expression into one of neutral blankness. She gathered up her things, trying to keep her hands from fumbling with a burst of anxiety.

Gwen didn’t look at her friends as she moved from her row and walked to the front of the room. When she made her way up to Professor McGonagall, Gwen was half-wanting to run out of the room, but instead she lifted her chin and looked her Professor in the eye with confidence.

McGonagall’s own expression steeled, as if reassured of Gwen’s fortitude. She handed Gwen a pass and gave her a nod of encouragement. Gwen would’ve returned it with a smile except her face felt frozen.

She turned and quickly walked out of the room. Blood was rushing to her head as the sounds of her exiting feet filled the classroom. When she made it into the hallway, she quickly leaned against a wall. She braced her hands on her knees and took a few calming breaths. It was Umbridge, for Merlin’s sake, Gwen thought. Umbridge was nothing but an engorged, perfumed toad.

“Don’t be coward.” Gwen muttered to herself.

She shucked off the fear and squared her shoulders as she began to walk towards the office of doom. She was so focused on her own encouraging internal monologue that she barely paid attention to where she was going. When she finally made it there, she lifted her hand to knock and the door swung open before she could make contact.

Umbridge sat behind her desk, delicately writing on a piece of parchment with a quill as tall as Gwen. She looked up at Gwen with her buggy, watery eyes and grinned. All the creases and folds on her face stretched thin like paper.

“Ms. Easton,” Umbridge said in her high-pitch, breathy voice.

Gwen fought down the shiver that was working its way up her spine and leveled Umbridge with a cool stare.

“Do come sit.” Umbridge invited her.

Gwen, channeling every bit of Minerva McGonagall she could muster, came and sat at one of the seats in front of Umbridge’s desk. Gwen tried not to gag at the plethora of cat portraits on the wall – their eyes following her every movement.

_Strength Guinevere,_ she thought fiercely, _Strength._

“Can I get you a cup of tea perhaps?” Umbridge offered.

“No, thank you,” Gwen said with cool politeness.

There was no way she’d touch a single thing in Umbridge’s office.

“Oh, but I insist,” Umbridge said.

Her voice kept its high tenor, but a note of steel ran through it. She punctured Gwen with a look that dared her to deny, but Gwen simply nodded.

“If you insist,” she said.

Umbridge gave her another watery smile and poured Gwen a cup of tea.

“Milk and sugar?” Umbridge asked, ever the polite hostess.

“Milk, no sugar.”

“How interesting,” Umbridge commented while stirring the milk.

“What is?” Gwen asked when she didn’t elaborate.

“You’ve no need for sugar,” Umbridge said.

“I have no need for false sweetness,” Gwen corrected.

She had meant for the comment to come off casually, in order to maintain the façade, but a ferocity she thought she had been faking up until this point colored her voice. She was pleased that her own nature was taking over her anxiety as the comment became an implication that neither of them missed.

Umbridge’s eyes flashed and when she blinked she was no longer looking at Gwen with polite conciliation, but now she looked at Gwen like she was a fly.

 “I see,” Umbridge said quietly.

Gwen fought the urge to mock her with a bratty “Do you?” Instead she kept her silence and when Gwen said nothing, Umbridge shook her head.

“I was wondering why on earth you had been sorted into Gryffindor.” Umbridge paused, looking up to see Gwen’s reaction. When she saw Gwen’s face still blank and controlled, she continued.

“But now I see what relates you to people such as Harry Potter and Hermione Granger,” she said.

Gwen remained silent and bit her tongue. She knew Umbridge wanted a reaction and she refused to give her one – even if it meant biting her own tongue off.

“Do you know what makes you a Gryffindor, Ms. Easton?” Umbridge asked. Her voice was gentle; like she was explaining a difficult concept to a small child.

Gwen raised her chin a fraction and Umbridge frowned.

“Arrogance,” she whispered, “You’re all infected with it.”

Gwen said nothing, but she did allow a small crooked smile flash across her face.

“You’re proud of your own faults?” Umbridge said noticing her smile. She started frowning and shook her head.

“Just because you’ve assigned it to me, Professor, does not mean I’ve accepted it as one of my faults,” Gwen said.

Umbridge sat quietly for a moment, observing her like Gwen used to use a microscope to observe leaves from the tree next to her house as a child. But unlike Gwen, who got bored of the microscope and climbed the tree instead, Umbridge seemed perfectly content watching Gwen.

Moments turned to minutes as Gwen and Umbridge sat quietly staring at each other. Gwen returned Umbridge’s thoughtful gaze with a cold stare. She would not cower before this woman.

“I understand that you and your friends are rather close to Professor Dumbledore,” Umbridge said.

When she said nothing else, Gwen finally spoke quietly.

“Is that a question, Professor?”

“I suppose not,” Umbridge said quietly, “But the question is, Ms. Easton, where do your loyalties truly lie?”

Gwen remained silent and decided to play dumb for a moment.

“I don’t understand what you mean,” she said.

Umbridge smiled, not fooled for a moment.

“I mean,” Umbridge emphasized indulgently, “Should the time come, will you align yourself with what is morally right or what has become corrupt?”

Gwen knew who Umbridge was implying with each side of her morality spectrum, but Gwen answered with her own truth.

“I will always,” She began slowly, “side with what _I_ believe is right.”

Umbridge’s smile turned predatory. She stood up from the desk and walked to stand in front of Gwen.

Gwen’s fists tightened of their own accord and Umbridge caught the whiteness of her knuckles.

“Now, Mrs. Easton,” she tutted menacingly, “That’s not quite the same thing at all.”

“Isn’t it?” Gwen returned without flinching.

Umbridge smiled and motioned for Gwen to drink her tea. Gwen held it up her lips but drank nothing. She put the cup down and swallowed for show.

“Where and what do you and Potter get up to with the other students?” Umbridge asked with sudden confidence.

Gwen fought the urge to smirk. She knew all about Umbridge’s truth potions, specifically Veritaserum. She looked at Umbridge with a practiced face of sincere confusion.

“I don’t know what you mean, Professor,” Gwen said carefully, “We sometimes study in the library, but all students do.”

Umbridge’s polite face slipped into darkness for a moment so quick that it took locking every muscle in Gwen’s body to keep from jumping back.

Before she could react, Umbridge’s face fell back with a practiced neutrality that rivaled her own. Umbridge turned and grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill from her desk. She took Gwen’s tea cup from her and placed the parchment and quill down in front of of her.

Gwen felt a crawling sense of dread in her stomach, but she simply raised her chin again.

“If you intend on keeping secrets,” Umbridge said apologetically, “You will have to be punished.”

“Am I in detention now, Professor?” Gwen said. Her voice was heavy with steel and accusation.

Umbridge must be a lunatic, Gwen thought, because she simply looked at Gwen with complete and utter sympathy – as if Gwen had brought this upon on herself, and maybe in Umbridge’s head, Gwen had.

“I’m afraid so.”

Gwen grabbed the quill, aware that her hand was shaking.

“What do I write?” Gwen asked.

She met Umbridge’s eyes head-on, refusing to bend.

“You will write your sin,” Umbridge whispered before pausing, “’I will not keep secrets.’”

Gwen looked down at the parchment, hesitating for a moment.

“Write it, Ms. Easton,” Umbridge pressed.

Gwen didn’t look up because she had a feeling that Umbridge’s face would be twisted in that darkness again.

_I…will…not...keep secrets._

Gwen wrote the words and she felt the burning sensation in her hand as the words appeared in her own blood.

“Keep going,” Umbridge said.

Gwen spared one look up and froze for a moment. There was pure blood-lust in Umbridge’s eyes. Gwen felt dread leak into her stomach.

“Keep writing,” Umbridge repeated.

Gwen looked back down and began to write.

Again time turned infinite as seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours, and hours to what felt like days.

Gwen wrote until both her hands were branded with the same message and blood had stained the table beneath her. She felt light-headed from the blood-loss and she felt fragile from the fear banging in her in the chest.

A high-pitch giggle above her got close to her ear again.

“ _Now_ , Ms. Easton,” Umbridge repeated like she had been for the last few hours, “Perhaps there’s something you’d like to share with me?”

Gwen looked down at her bleeding hands, noticing how deep the scars went. It looked as if they had always existed like that. Like those marks had always been there.

But looking at her hands stirred something in her stomach. She shut her eyes for a moment in dread. She couldn’t get a vision now; getting a vision now would probably kill her in the state she was in.

But no vision came.

Instead a sensation came over, almost like her mind was tasting a flavor that swirled in her head. A memory. Gwen’s mind grasped on to it...it was almost like she could taste it.

It wasn’t a memory, she realized. It was a vision. She was remembering a vision she had had of this moment. She had envisioned this at the beginning of the year and here it was coming to fruition.

This was the first vision she had come to experience since she had begun getting them. Gwen opened her eyes and looked back down at her hands.

_I will not keep secrets._

Gwen raised her face up to look at Umbridge and had the pleasure of watching the toad woman blanch slightly at the ferocity in her gaze.

“Do you…” Umbridge paused, her voice catching, “have something to say?”

Gwen raised herself as high as she could and spoke with earthshattering conviction.

“No.”

The room was drenched in silence as Umbridge watched her in both apprehension and irritation.

Umbridge let out a high squeal of laughter and Gwen felt the rips in her hands throb, as is responding to the sound.

“You will write until you learn your lesson,” Umbridge said.

Gwen said nothing as she turned back down and continued to write with her own blood.

She almost didn’t notice a few minutes later when a letter flew into the office. Her head was dizzy and there was a ringing sound in her ears. She felt like crying, but pressed her lips together in resolve as she wrote slowly, swallowing the pain.

Umbridge sighed and stood up.

“You are dismissed,” she said, “I have something I must attend to.”

For a moment, Gwen’s hand couldn’t move from its tight grasp around the quill, causing Umbridge to smile viciously. Gwen’s hand finally opened with the novelty of an infant. She pulled herself up from the seat, ignoring the stars that rained across her vision.

She leaned over to grab her bag and tried not to faint at the sight of so much blood running down her hands and onto the floor. She slid her bag onto her shoulder and looked at Umbridge once more. Umbridge had been watching Gwen with speculative curiosity now.

“I do wonder,” she murmured, “Who your parents might have been.”

It was exhaustion that kept Gwen together now because had she not been so focused for so long on keeping her brain from melting underneath the overwhelming pain, she would have been surprised now.

“Why did they leave you?” Umbridge continued. Her voice was light, a sharp caress.

Another letter flew in and batted itself towards Umbridge, who made a sound of impatience.

“You may leave,” Umbridge said.

Gwen forced her feet to move out of the office and paused at the threshold when Umbridge called out a menacing promise.

“I shall see you soon, Ms. Easton.”

Gwen shivered and walked down the stairs leading away from Umbridge’s office. It was stark desperation that had her feet moving as fast as she could. She walked out into the halls and made her way into the nearest bathroom that she knew would be completely empty.

She opened the door and almost fell into the sinks. The second her hands hit the cool porcelain, Gwen released a painful sob that ripped through her body.

She turned on the faucet and erratically began to rinse the blood from her hands. It was only the burning pain that made her stop as she pulled her hands from the water. With them still wet, she brought them up to cover her eyes as she sank to the ground and continued to cry.

“That looks painful.” A voice called out after a while.

Gwen didn’t stop crying, but she uncovered her eyes to look at the familiar face of Moaning Myrtle.

“It looks worse than it is,” Gwen said.

Myrtle gave Gwen a skeptical look.

“I doubt that,” she said.

Gwen let out a laugh that just turned into a painful cry. Myrtle sat quietly until Gwen started to cry heavily again, offering neither sympathy nor judgment.

When Gwen finally calmed down enough to simply wipe the continuing tears from her face, she leaned her head back against the cool tiles of the wall.

“I will not keep secrets,” Myrtle read.

Gwen refused to look down at her hands.

“The toad lady did that to you?” Myrtle asked.

Gwen nodded.

Myrtle nodded in response.

“You look much older than you did when we first met,” Myrtle commented.

Gwen smiled weakly.

“I am older,” she said.

Myrtle rolled her eyes, like Gwen was obtuse.

“I know you are older,” she snapped, “I’m saying you look older. You look old.” 

Gwen raised her eyebrows.

“I look old?”

“Pain does that to people,” Myrtle said.

Gwen watched the ghost’s face turn go blank, seeing something far past Gwen’s face. 

“I’m sorry, Myrtle,” Gwen said softly.

Myrtle turned and gave Gwen a sharp look.

“Don’t be stupid,” she said.

Gwen who would have normally snapped back simply nodded again – the fight gone from her system. She stood up carefully, aware that her hands were shaking and looked in the mirror.

She balked at her reflection. Her face was pale and drawn while her eyes were almost swollen shut from the tears. She looked at her hands in the mirror, clutching the edge of the sink. They were red, raised, and raw.

She pushed a loose lock of hair behind her ear – the rest of her hair was braided, and rinsed off her face before patting it dry with a nearby towel.

She lifted her bag off the ground and made her way to the door.

“Thanks, Myrtle,” Gwen said on her way out.

“I don’t know what for,” Myrtle muttered before flying into a stall.

Gwen left the bathroom and made her way to the Gryffindor common room. She saw nothing as she made her way through the castle. It felt like she blinked and she was suddenly standing at the entrance.

“You look a fright,” The Fat Lady said.

“Mimbulus Mimbletonia,” Gwen said, ignoring her.

“Rude girl” The Fat Lady called out behind her as Gwen slipped into the common room.

She was almost in a trance as she walked in and headed straight for the stairs. She could think of nothing but her bed as she moved.

“Gwen!”

She cringed when someone called out her name. She felt a pair of arms wrap around her tightly and she tried not to scream in pain when she hands got caught in-between them.

“Where have you been?” Hermione said in her ear.

Gwen was biting down on her tongue to keep from yelling and she had no strength to throw Hermione off before Hermione pulled back and looked at Gwen.

“Gwen,” she murmured, “You look horrible.”

Gwen simply closed her eyes. She heard the murmurs around the common room and she felt the urge to cry again.

“Hermione, please let me go,” Gwen said softly.

“But Gwen, we’ve be –”Hermione exclaimed before Gwen cut her off with a look.

Hermione looked at the pained expression in Gwen’s eyes.

“I’ll tell you everything tomorrow,” Gwen said, watching Harry and Ron appear in her peripheral vision.

Panic was seeping in through her pores and her brain was shutting down in desperation.

“I need to go,” she said again, this time her voice a whisper, “Please.”

Hermione nodded and released Gwen, who held her hands behind her back.

“Tomorrow,” Gwen murmured and moved as quickly as she could up the stairs to her room.

When she made it to her bed, her head went foggy. Slipping off her robes and shoes, Gwen crawled into her bed and closed the curtains around her. In the safety of darkness and solitude, Gwen drifted off to sleep with silent tears slipping down her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hurt, you guys. I promise the next one will not hurt so much.


	19. Gryffindor to the Core

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark!! xxxx

Gwen woke up slowly and hazily. Her mouth felt thick and her face was tight from dried tears. She lifted her head and blinked a few times. She saw something from the corner of her eyes and turned to look.

She almost leapt off the bed at the sight of blood all over her pillows and sheets. She was in shock, until she accidentally leaned onto the back of her hand in confusion and the felt the sharp sting of pain.

She looked down at her hands and adjusted to the dark. She saw the raised carvings on the back of the both of her hands.

I will not keep secrets.

Yesterday came flooding back to her and Gwen closed her eyes against the torrent of her own memory.

She also knew she was going to have to explain herself to her friends today. She didn’t know what time it was. Hell she’d forgotten what day it was, but she hoped Hermione was already downstairs so she could have a few moments to compose herself.

She pulled back the curtains around her bed, cringing at the sudden onset of sunlight. She stood up slowly, her body weak and stiff. She had fallen asleep in her uniform which was also covered in some dried blood.

She made her way to the bathroom before stripping off all of her clothes to be cleaned. She stepped into the shower, turning the heat as high it could go, and letting the water scald her clean.

She scrubbed her hair, ignoring the burning in her hands. She scrubbed her face, body, and then she stood until she felt lightheaded again. Feeling somewhat revived, Gwen stepped out from underneath the spray and wrapped a towel around her as the shower turned off.

She walked out of the bathroom and over to her bed, not worried about anyone being around. They would all mostly likely be at breakfast or in class. Gwen laid down, making the sheets on her bed wet, but not caring. The house elves would see the blood on her bed and strip the sheets. They’d probably even report her for health counseling.

Eventually, Gwen sat up slowly again and looked at the time. She still had half an hour for breakfast. She got dressed slowly, ignoring the strange pain thrumming through her body. She cast a spell to dry her hair and left it unbound, figuring she could use her long, thick locks to block her face if need be.

She quickly wrapped her hands with some bandages in the first aid kid in the bathroom. The ointment burned, as if the scars were rebelling against healing.

Part of her wanted to stay inside the room, but a bigger part of her didn’t want to be alone, like if she was alone, Umbridge could get her. She shook her head angrily at the thought. She would not be afraid.

She made her way down the stairs, telling herself she’d feel better after she ate. There were a few people in the common room, but none that cared about Gwen so she made her way silently to the Great Hall.

She made her way down the tables. Her face, she knew, was expressionless, but there must have been something that she couldn’t lock up behind her façade because she was aware of some people looking at her.

She saw her friends see her. Hermione had been chewing on her lips anxiously when Ron nudged her and motioned towards Gwen. Hermione stood in her seat, almost as if she meant to run to Gwen.

She remained standing until Gwen made it to the table. She looked at her friends blankly while they all looked at her with concern.

She felt Harry gently touch her right hand. Gwen looked down and saw that he was tracing the bandage wrapped around it.

“Gwen?” Harry said.

His voice was quiet, dangerous even though his head was bent down. His fingers circled her wrist gently.

Hermione and Ron both looked at her hand in surprise. Hermione’s eyes quickly saw the matching bandage on Gwen’s other hand. Before she could say anything, Gwen sat down.

Hermione stood for a moment, looking at Gwen in horror.

“People are staring,” Gwen said, even though no one was looking at them.

Hermione sat down and her face was tense. Gwen met her expression calmly, not wanting to worry her friends.

Harry’s hand was still wrapped around her wrist and she sighed before pulling away and lowering her hands in her lap.

“Your hands, Gwen.” Hermione choked out.

 “Yeah,” she said.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Hermione asked.

Gwen saw the tears welling up in her friend’s eyes and felt a stab of pain. She looked down to keep from crying herself and put a waffle on her empty plate. She said nothing as she drenched it in syrup and strategically used her fork to cut it before she took a big bite. When she swallowed and took a sip of tea, she spoke again.

“I just couldn’t,” Gwen said quietly, “I reached my limit.”

Gwen looked up and watched Hermione open her mouth to respond before Ron cut her off.

“Leave it,” Ron warned.

Gwen smiled appreciatively at Ron before taking another bite of her waffle. He smiled back in support, but his eyes were still worried.

“She called me to ask about…us,” Gwen said quietly.

They all leaned in as Gwen quickly relayed some more details.

“Did you tell her anything?” Harry asked.

Gwen looked at him with surprise, but Hermione answered first.

“Gwen would never,” Hermione said, with absolute certainty, “Besides we’d be able to tell.”

Before Gwen could question what she meant by that, Harry asked another questions.

“Your hand,” he said, “What did she make you write?”

Gwen gave a derisive smile. She quickly finished off the rest of her waffle, completely famished, before she responded.

“’I will not keep secrets,’” she murmured.

Harry’s hands curled into angry fists; Ron paused from taking a sip from his goblet and Hermione’s hair frizzed with anger.

“Can…” Harry said, before pausing, “Can I see it?”

Gwen didn’t really want to show him, and she could see something dangerous in his eyes.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” she said cautiously.

Harry opened his mouth, but Gwen shook her head again.

“Is it the same on both your hands?” Hermione asked quietly.

Both Ron and Harry looked at her in surprise before Harry turned towards Gwen.

“Both of your hands?” He said. He sounded like he was being strangled.

Gwen’s lips flattened and said nothing. Still in her lap, she covered her left hand with the one Harry had already seen. Harry watched her movements and let out a growl before standing up violently.

He rocked the plates on the table as he whipped his head towards Umbridge. Gwen, acting instinctually, quickly reached out and yanked him back down. He hit the bench with a thud.

“Don’t,” she snapped.

“That bitch.” Harry bit out viciously.

Gwen kept her hand on his arm. She was gripping him so tightly that blood leaked through her bandage.

Hermione made a gasping sound and Gwen quickly hid her hand back under the table.

“I have more in my bag,” she said.

“I’ll help you,” Hermione said.

“No,” Gwen said quickly, “You stay here.”

Hermione’s hurt expression turned to one of understanding as Gwen cast her eyes down to Harry – who was still clearly on edge.

“I’ll see you in class, okay?” she said.

“In class,” Ron promised.

With another brief smile, Gwen turned and left the hall, putting her hands inside the pocket of her robes. She felt the scaly exterior of her blot ink journal, having never taken it out.

She stroked the edges of the journal as she made her our aimlessly. She didn’t really think about where to go, she just went. She walked until she made it all the way to the Great Lake.

She sat down by her favorite tree and let her legs rest in the cold grass. She leaned back and closed her eyes, resting her head against the rough bark. The snow had cleared but the world was still wet.

Gwen breathed in the heady scent of the surrounding moss and sighed.

“Gwen?”

Gwen opened her eyes and sighed again.

“Draco.”

“You left class yesterday,” he said, explaining himself as if she’d asked, “No one saw you for the rest of the day. This morning, you looked – “

He paused and looked at Gwen with pain.

“I saw Potter,” he continued, “He looked ready to kill.”

Gwen shook her head and instead motioned him towards her.

“Will you sit?” She asked him.

He must have not expected that because he stood still for a moment before coming to sit next to her. They were lined up shoulder-to-shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Draco asked.

Gwen opened her mouth to respond, but her voice caught in her throat. She bit her lip and closed her eyes again, trying to distract herself from the torrent of emotion.

“I’m fine,” she eventually said.

“What happened?” Draco asked her.

Gwen felt the initial pull to evade his questions, but something overcame her and instead she turned to face him.

“Umbridge called me into her office,” she said with a wavering voice, “She was asking questions about my friends and me and Dumbledore.”

She paused and looked at Draco then, gauging him.

His expression was nothing but earnest concern. He turned to face her as well, leaning forward so close that Gwen could see the black flecks in his eyes.

“She…” Gwen continued, “She tried to use Veritaserum to get me to answer, but I pretended to drink it.”

Draco’s mouth dropped in shock.

“That’s illegal,” he said sharply.

Gwen nodded once while grimacing.

“She got angry, I think,” Gwen said, “She wanted to punish me. She did.”

Draco went eerily tense then. His body stiff in apprehension at Gwen’s voice.

“What” he croaked, before clearing his voice, “What did she do?”

Gwen looked down at her hands. One of the bandages bled through. She fought the urge to fist herself hands in anxiety.

Draco followed her line of sight and Gwen heard his breath catch in his throat.

“Gwen,” he choked out.

She had never heard his voice like that – like a Dementor was sucking out his soul. She looked up at his broken expression.

“Can I see?” he asked.

Gwen wanted to stuff her hands in her pockets, but she felt the strange overwhelming need to be comforted suddenly. To share her pain with someone who would feel it with her. Someone who would help her move past it. So she held up her hands for him.

With shaking hands, Draco grasped hand with the bleeding bandage.

“It started bleeding again when I grabbed Harry,” Gwen explained quietly.

Draco nodded silently, still staring at her hands. He gently unwrapped the bandages and made a strangling noise at the sight of her scarred hand.

He pulled out his wand and held it out to her hand. He looked up at her, asking for permission, and Gwen felt something warm flood her chest as she nodded.

He murmured a healing enchantment and Gwen watched as the bleeding stopped. His spell did nothing to the scarring, but Gwen could hardly pay attention to the scars when he was holding her hands.

“Do you have more bandages?” He asked her quietly.

Gwen nodded and reached into her bag with her other hand and pulled out a fresh roll. Draco took it from and began to gently weave it over her hand and secured it. When it was covered with a fresh bandage, Draco brought both of her hands up his face and pressed a soft kiss on each of them.

Something broke through Gwen and she let out a harsh sob and Draco immediately wrapped his arms around and gently crushed her to him. They fell backwards and Gwen was sprawled across her chest, crying into him.

When the tears finally subsided, Gwen sniffled hard. She listened to the steady beating of Draco’s heart beneath her cheek, as he stroked her unbound hair.

“We’re missing class,” she said. Her voice was hoarse from crying.

Draco shrugged from beneath her.

“Are you okay?” He asked instead.

Gwen lifted her head to look down at his caring face. She nodded because she did feel okay. She felt unburdened.

“Thank you,” she said.

Draco looked up at her and smiled.

“For what?” he asked.

Gwen smiled and looked down at the tear and snot stains she left on his robes.

“For letting me get snot all over you,” she said.

Draco laughed loudly at that. His eyes crinkled and his lips flattened as he smiled.

“That’s alright,” he teased.

He shifted underneath and Gwen blushed slightly. She had never been this close to a boy before and she hadn’t been nervous until right now. She was suddenly very aware of every part of her body that was touching his. Warmth spread through her limbs as her stomach quivered in want.

She planted her hands on either side of Draco and lifted herself up. She moved away from his relaxed body and sat on her legs nervously.

“Is something wrong?” Draco asked.

He sat up and looked at Gwen. Although his expression was concerned again, his body was relaxed. Gwen dug her nails into the dirt, welcoming the pain that came with it, to hold herself back from launching back into his arms.

“It’s just…” Gwen tried to scramble for an excuse, “I…um…still technically with Colin.”

“Technically,” Draco repeated monotonously.

 “Yes,” Gwen said.

“Are you still looking for space?” Draco asked.

“No!”

Gwen responded so reflexively that Draco smiled at her.

“It’s over,” Gwen said, surprised that she was saying, “It’s been over for a long time, I think.”

She hadn’t really thought about Colin, but now that she had said it out loud, she realized how unfair she had been to both Colin and Draco. She had been afraid to take a step with Draco, so she kept Colin trailing behind her just in case.

“I’m going to tell him this weekend,” she said.

“This weekend.” Draco repeated again in the same way as before.

Gwen nodded, not quite sure about his expression.

“Valentine’s Day,” Draco finally said.

Gwen covered her gasp with her hands.

“I forgot it was Valentine’s Day,” she said softly, “Is that completely cruel?”

Draco gave her a sardonic look.

“You’re asking me if I think you should put off breaking up with your git boyfriend because of his feeling,” he asked.

Gwen tried to stifle the laugh she let out.

“He’s not a git,” she defended, “He’s a good, kind person.”

“He’s demanding,” Draco commented.

Gwen raised her eyebrows at him.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“He always made you spend time with him, when anyone who’s had one conversation with you can see that you need time alone,” Draco said.

Gwen took a moment to gape at him. He really did watch her.

“Nobody made me do anything,” Gwen said. Still a bit stunned.

“But you felt guilty,” he said knowingly, “You’re Gryffindor to the core. You’re all duty and morality wrapped in a small, prickly package.

Gwen said nothing as she stared at him in surprise. Hearing Umbridge’s cruel whisper in her head – _“I was wondering why on earth you had been sorted into Gryffindor.”_

She could never express how sharply that struck her insecurities. She must have stared at him for quite some time because he was looking at her with a small smile, waiting patiently for a response.

“You think I belong in Gryffindor?” She asked him tentatively.

It was Draco’s turned to look surprised.

“I’ve never seen a more Gryffindor-like Gryffindor,” he supplied.

Gwen laughed out a huff and shook her head.

 “You’re honest to a fault,” Draco began.

“I lie all the time,” Gwen argued.

Draco smiled and shook his head.  

“When it’s protecting someone you care about or doing what’s right,” Draco said.

“You’re brave,” he continued.

Gwen shook her head.

“I’m afraid almost all of the time,” she said.

“That doesn’t mean you’re not brave. In fact, I think it just makes you even braver,” he said.

When Gwen said nothing, he continued.

“You’re just…good,” Draco said. He shrugged as silence came over them.

“You’re just a good person,” he repeated.

Gwen stared at him, trying to sort through all of the feelings thumping painfully in her chest. She was completely at a loss for words in the first time in her life.

“Gwen,” Draco called out to her.

She blinked and focused on his gentle, confused smile.

“Guinevere,” he said softly, testing her name on his tongue, “You look like a Guinevere.”

She shook her head again.

 “You need to stop talking,” Gwen said suddenly with desperation.

Draco laughed again.

“I’m losing my mind,” Gwen continued.

Draco leaned forward and Gwen lurched back.

“Behave yourself,” she warned.

Draco grinned and sighed before standing up.

“Come on,” he said, holding out his hand, “Let’s go.”

Gwen looked at his outstretched hands, feeling something primitive in her wanting to reach for them and never let go, and so she did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was all choked voices and hoarse breathing - very Twilight. I almost had them kissing in this chapter but I deleted it - sticking to the original plan. SORRY. Gwen still has to break up with Colin and deal with some stuff with her friends first. Let me know what you think!
> 
> I forgot to mention this in the last chapter I posted, but this earlier Monday, March 28th, officially marked the one-year anniversary of this Gwen/Draco storyline. Thank you all for following loyally along. I appreciate it all.


	20. To Love and To Love Selfishly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark!!

The next day, Gwen was sitting on her bed crisscross looking at Hermione.

“So you’re going to breakup with Colin?” Hermione asked while she slipped on her robes.

Gwen nodded. “Yes, I care about him, but I don’t want to be with him like that.”

“Are you going to do it today?” Hermione asked.

Gwen frowned before responding.

“I’m not sure what to do because if I breakup with him today then I’ll be the heartless person to break up with someone on Valentine’s Day and if I don’t break up with him, then I’ll be leading him on which is maybe even more heartless.” Gwen rationalized while squinting at the floor.

“Who said today has to be romantic?” Hermione said.

That got Gwen’s attention.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“I’m just saying,” Hermione began, “You never said you were off the break.”

“But by agreeing to Valentine’s Day, I was also agreeing to giving us another chance,” Gwen argued.

Hermione frowned now.

“Fine,” she said, “You’re right.”

“Thanks for trying to give me an out,” Gwen said laughing.

Hermione laughed with her and shook her head.

“I’m going to wait in the Common Room with Harry while you’re getting ready,” Hermione said.

“Is her nervous about Cho?” Gwen asked.

“Probably,” Hermione, “Things have been kind of…off recently.”

Gwen nodded but said nothing. Hermione noticed her friends silence and walked to the door. She turned and gave Gwen a smile.

“Don’t take too long,” Hermione said.

“I won’t,” Gwen promised.

She got off the bed as Hermione walked out. She made up her mind to not cancel with Colin on the hope that they would simply enjoy the day without any strong feelings getting in the way. If anything, she owed him an explanation.

She didn’t dress up. A physical message of her strictly platonic feelings, she thought. She wore black skinny jeans with two tears in the knees, an emerald green sweater, and her everyday black ankle boots. She quickly braided her hair and slipped on her favorite black pea coat.

She and Colin were meeting at the Three Broomsticks in half an hour. Gwen stuffed her small wallet into her pocket and quickly bounded downstairs.

Harry stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans when Gwen arrived. Things had been oddly tense between Gwen and Harry for the past couple of days. Gwen had been mildly irritated, if not a little scared of Harry’s reaction that day. She’d never been great of overt displays of anger.

Yelling in anger had always made her distinctly uncomfortable. She had always been that way. She remembered once, when she was six, Adora had taken her out to eat and the family next to her was being loud. The kids were playing and one of the boys knocked over the mom’s cup of water. The mom immediately started screaming at him as the water slid into her lap.

Gwen remembered that way Adora describing how she went pale, how her eyes went unfocused, and how she began to shake. Her body physically reacted to the woman’s screeching. At the time, Adora quickly threw down money on the table and scooped Gwen out of the seat and they left. Adora had told her later that Gwen refused to speak for days after that.

Harry had been like a live wire the last few days. He walked with barely unleashed fury ready to be targeted at anyone so Gwen instinctually kept her distance.

Gwen gave Harry a somewhat strained smile, which Harry somewhat returned. Hermione, who had been sat next to him, flipped a page in the thick volume in her lap.

“Nervous?” Hermione asked Gwen.

Gwen shook her head.

“No, not really,” she said.

She meant it. Whatever happened today, she wanted to move forward.

“Well good luck to the both of you,” Hermione wished them, before adding, “I’ll be at the Three Broomsticks later.”

Gwen nodded, not asking why as she looked at Harry’s face again. He looked tired with dark splotches underneath his eyes.

“We should head out,” Harry said.

“Right,” Gwen nodded.

With a brief goodbye to Hermione, the two head out. They walked down the stairs and out of the castle in complete silence. Gwen had never been uncomfortable with silence, but this was suffocating.

The greeted the cold with stifled relief as they took crunching steps over frozen ground.

“How are your hands?” Harry asked. His voice was hesitant, like he’d been wanting to ask her for days, but only now worked up the courage.

“They’re alright,” Gwen answered truthfully, “Healing everyday.”

Harry nodded but said nothing else.

“How long did it take for you hand to heal?” Gwen asked.

“A few weeks,” Harry said, “but even now you can still see the marks.”

Harry held up his right hand to show her the aged whites scars that branded him.

“If anything, they make you look tough,” Gwen said, trying to lighten the mood.

Harry didn’t laugh and Gwen swallowed her own irritation. She sometimes got the feeling that Harry liked to suffer. No, she immediately admonished herself for minimizing what her Harry actually _did_ suffer from.

She let out a big huff of air and grabbed onto Harry’s hand.

“Be normal,” she commanded both of them, “We can be distant from other people, but not from each other. Not from any of us.”

Harry said nothing, but he held onto her hand and squeezed it gently in response. They finally made their way to Hogsmeade, still hand-in-hand. Gwen noticed had she began to cling onto her friend harder, as she prepared herself to let go of Colin.

She saw someone in the distance stand up and she quickly let go of Harry’s hand.

“I think you’re up,” Gwen said, squinting at the feminine shape away from them.

Harry reached out and hugged Gwen quickly. Gwen returned the hug tightly and heard him murmur.

“Never from each other,” he promised.

He pulled away and gave Gwen a smile. Gwen heard someone approaching them and turned.

Cho was standing a little awkwardly at a distance, watching them suspiciously.

“Hi, Harry,” Cho said, “Hi, Gwen.”

Gwen cringed slightly. Cho’s voice always sounded on the verge of heartbreak.

“Hi, Cho,” Gwen said as cheerfully as she could manage.

As an awkward silence came over them, Gwen immediately spoke.

“Well have fun, you guys,” she said and quickly walked away.

She made her way immediately over to the Three Broomsticks and pushed opened the door. She shivered at the sudden onset of warmth and began to slowly unbutton her coat as she looked around.

She always hated this part of going anywhere alone, especially when the place was crowded. It was like having the spotlight on you, except the spotlight was burning and blushing your skin.

She forced herself to breathe slowly, continuing to scan the room. She met a pair of familiar eyes and smiled widely. She couldn’t help it. Draco smiled back at her and Gwen was filled with a sudden fantasy of walking over to him as he stood up to greet her. He would kiss her casually, a symptom of being able to kiss her as much as they both wanted. He would know she didn’t like butterbeer, since he was the only one who’d ever noticed, so he would have a hot tea waiting for her. Charming it repeatedly to keep it warm because he knew she would have gotten caught up in her own imagination to be on time.

“Gwen!”

Gwen turned around and looked at Colin. He was sitting at the far edge of the room by the window. He waved at her and Gwen waved back, giving him a smile. When she got to the table, he stood up and hugged her.

Gwen slowly returned the hug, calculating the movement. Hugging was platonic, she rationalized. She hugged Ron and harry all of time – granted she’d never snogged either of them, but still.

Colin pulled back slightly and kissed her forehead with his arms still around her. It was a surprising and intimate gesture. Gwen opened her mouth to say something, but Colin spoke first.

He unwrapped his arms around her and pulled out her chair.

“Sit, please,” he said courteously.

In a bit of a mental whirlwind, Gwen sat down and barely noticed when Colin slipped her jacket off and hung it up on her chair. He quickly walked over to sit across from her and gave her a big smile.

“How have you been?” He asked her.

Gwen answered immediately.

“Really good,” she said softly.

His eyes hardened slightly at her words before softening again.

“You look happy,” he said.

He voice was sincere, which was awful for Gwen, who would have preferred him hostile and accusatory. At least it would have been easier.

“And you?” she asked “How are you?”

Colin’s smile faltered then.

“I’ve been better,” he said honestly.

Gwen felt her heart pull.

“Colin,” she began.

“No,” he cut her off, “Wait, please. I just want to say something.”

Gwen bit her lip, but nodded at his pause.

“I know we’ve been having a lot of problems even before the space thing,” he said. He flopped his hair, it had grown out over his forehead again. It grew so quickly, Gwen noticed.

He paused then and looked at her. Gwen kept her face open, not shielding herself because Colin deserved honesty from her finally. She let him see how sorry she was and he quickly glanced away before speaking again.

“I still want us to be together,” he said, “I love you, Gwen.”

If it had been possible to burn from guilt, Gwen would have been nothing but a scorch mark.

“Colin,” she said. Her throat felt thick as she tried to speak.

“I know there’s someone else,” Colin cut her off. “But it wouldn’t work, Gwen. He’s not good for you.”

Gwen’s surprise was swift and harsh as she stared at him.

“What are you talking about?” Her voice came out like a harsh whisper.

“I’ve seen you two, Gwen. Everyone has,” Colin said softly.

Gwen was suddenly cold with dread. It started from the top of her head, like someone left the tap running and big droplets of anxiety began to drip down her body.

When she didn’t say anything, Colin continued.

“I mean just now I saw you two,” Colin said.

Gwen closed her mouth so she wouldn’t gape. She sat in dumb quiet for a moment. How had Colin, of all people, seen what not even her best friends couldn’t?

“It won’t be enough,” Colin said to her. His voice was gentle as he implored her to see the light. “He’s got so much baggage.”

“So do I,” Gwen said. Not sure if she was arguing with Colin or herself at this point at this time.

“It’s not the same, Gwen,” he pleaded, “He’s always doing something. It’s like he’s holding onto the bad things that happen to him – like he needs them to know who he is. He might care about you, but he’ll still hurt you eventually. His priorities are different.”

“You’re wrong,” Gwen said quietly.

She hadn’t intended on discussing this with anyone – let alone Colin, but he’d caught her off-guard and he was suddenly saying all of the things she’d been purposely not thinking about when she and Draco were apart.

Colin shook his head sadly at her.

“I’m not and you know I’m not. He can’t love you like you need him to.”

Gwen took a moment to process that because she felt it in her soul. Were they really so different – she and Draco? Could they really not be enough for each other?

“You’ll never be first for me, Gwen.” Colin said, “Harry will always put something else first.”

Gwen was so off-balance that she felt almost fell over as she look at Colin sharply with confusion.

“Wait, what?”

“He’s always on some quest,” Colin insisted, “There will always be something that’ll get in the way of you need from him.”

Gwen almost laughed in relief.

“Colin, stop.” She held up her hand.

“Gwen,” Colin said a little desperately, “I still love you. I still want to be with you.”

Gwen gave Colin a sad smile and felt the blunt edges of guilt in her chest. She had been so selfish with Colin. She had been so entirely unfair and ignorantly cruel to assume that a break on her part would constitute the same feelings on his part. She let him wait for her because it was easier for her.

“Colin, I’m so sorry,” she said.

Colin leaned back and shook his head.

“No, please listen,” Gwen insisted softly. She leaned forward and grasped his hands.

“I am so sorry, Colin,” she repeated, “I’ve been so unfair to you – so monstrously selfish. _You_ deserve so much better.”

Her voice went a little watery with sincerity towards the end.

“I know you won’t be able to forgive me,” Gwen continued, “but I’ll be here, if you ever need me, as your friend.”

Colin smiled, his eyes still cast down at the table. He shook his head again softly.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Colin said quietly. He looked up at her with his kind hazel eyes. “I meant it when I said that I love you. That means you’re always forgiven.”

Gwen’s face crumpled slightly. She breathed out a painful huff through her nose. She looked down and closed her eyes for a moment. The pub around around them was busy and loud. The sounds of laughter, yelling, and mugs slamming on tables filled the air around them.

Colin tugged on their clasped hands gently and Gwen looked at him.

“I hope he deserves you,” Colin said softly.

Gwen didn’t correct him. She stood up from her seat and pulled Colin towards her. She wrapped her arms around his sides and hugged him tightly. Colin returned her tight grip and pressed his cheek against the top of Gwen’s head and laughed gently.

Gwen pulled back to look at him. His face was soft and kind, even though his eyes were pained. His eyes moved over her face and his hand came up to her cheek.

“I figured it out too late,” Colin said.

“What?” Gwen asked. Her voice was still thick with emotion.

“I loved you, but I was being selfish,” he said shrugging, “That’s not love. That’s just selfishness.”

“Colin,” Gwen murmured.

He shook his head again.

“No, you don’t have to say anything. I’ve spent all of this time demanding things from you, Gwen. I said you deserve to be loved in the right way so that’s what I’ll do. I’ll be whatever you need. I’ll be _whoever_ you need me to be,” Colin promised.

Gwen leaned forward and kissed him gently. He returned this kiss, but Gwen could feel that he too was saying goodbye.

After a brief moment, Gwen pulled away and wiped an errant tear. She took a step back from Colin, watching him as she grabbed her coat.

“Goodbye, Colin,” she whispered. The sounds of the pub almost drowned out her voice.

“Bye, Gwen,” Colin murmured.

Gwen quickly turned and sped from the pub. She slipped on her coat as the cold hit her. She made her way back towards the castle pensively. She didn’t cry. She had bene crying so much recently, but she didn’t feel like crying now. She felt like she learned something.

She finally got back to the common room and sighed at the familiar smell of pine and hearth.

“Hey,” Ron called out from the couch. “You’re back early.”

Gwen went and flopped down next to him.

“You broke up with him then?” Ron murmured.

Gwen laid her head against Ron’s shoulder. Feeling her friend next to her anchored her. Ron, completely used to Gwen’s physically closeness, pat her leg in brotherly concern.

“He took it badly?” he guessed.

“No,” Gwen said.

She lifted her head and looked at the crackling fire in front of them.

“He was kind. He was himself,” she said.

Ron nodded sympathetically.

“Do you want to cry?” He offered.

Gwen turned to look at him. His voice was sincere, but his expression was nervous. Gwen knew her proclivity to cry made him anxious sometimes and the gesture on his part was so kind that Gwen felt like she could cry. She laughed instead. She laughed until her stomach hurt and Ron was laughing with her. They threw pillows at each other and laughed. Gwen rolled off the couch and kept laughing as she thumped on the floor, not feeling the pain.

When they finally calmed down enough, Ron nudged her with his foot.

“Okay?” He asked.

Gwen grinned and nodded.

“Okay.” She confirmed.

“I was going to go practice for the match this weekend,” Ron said. He stood up and looked down at Gwen. “Do you want to come?”

Gwen shook her head.

“No, thanks. I have some work to do.”

Ron nodded and smiled at her. Gwen returned the smile and watched him as he walked away. She sat up when she was alone in the common room – a rare occurrence. Ron had left some pieces of parchment on the couch.

Gwen reached for them. She smoothed them against her legs tentatively. She dipped the quill he’d been using in ink and put the tip against the paper. A familiar tingle spread through her body as she began to write slowly.  

_“I loved you selfishly,” he said desperately._

_“Then you have not loved me at all,” she said._

_“Can you forgive me?”_

_“There is nothing to forgive.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved this chapter. I love watching people grow, realize their mistakes, and then actually try to do the right thing. Gwen is Gryffindor to the core in this chapter. And as we say goodbye to Colin (romantically), I think we can all say he went out with a fluttery flourish. I might write a small off-shoot chapter for Colin at the end of all of this. I still want him to be happy. 
> 
> I wrote a lot this morning. I wrote this chapter during class yesterday and got around to typing it this morning, but I wrote a different chapter this morning. I'm planning a short series of one-shots of Gwen and Draco's life at the end of the series (if everything works out...*evil laughter*). The one I wrote today was so freaking cute. You'll just have to stay for the ride, my friends! Let me know what you think.


	21. Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark!! xx

Gwen looked down at her parchment again nervously. He wouldn’t stop staring at her.

The days and week that followed Valentine’s Day were a whirlwind. Professor Trelawney had been replaced by Firenze, a centaur appointed by Dumbledore.

Gwen had no problems with centaurs, in fact, she had been initially very interested in their new professor’s perspective, but that all changed when Firenze commented to her out loud in front of the whole class – “You have the sight.”

Gwen blanched slightly and said nothing. Her friends had stilled around her until Ron, coming to Gwen’s rescue, commented loudly for everyone to hear.

“That makes two of us, Gwen.” Causing the class to laugh. Gwen fake laughed with panicked eyes before reaching over and discretely squeezing Ron’s hand in gratitude. Ron smiled and winked at her.

Now Gwen kept a low profile whenever she entered Divination because she did not enjoy the way Firenze would call on her for exercises to read tea leaves or interpret old prophecies. She alternated between droll responses and half-right responses, using her wit to keep the class laughing and away from how right Firenze was.

He gave them free time to work on a particular exercise involving a dung beetle and an enchanted fleece. Gwen turned to Hermione who automatically handed both instruments to her.

“Well?” Hermione asked.

Gwen fought the urge to growl at her friend.

“It doesn’t work like that,” she said, pushing them back in Hermione’s hands.

Hermione sighed and put them down before reaching down and pulling something out of her bag.

“Have you seen today’s Daily Prophet?” Hermione asked.

“No,” Gwen shook her head. She took the paper from Hermione’s hand and opened it up.

She blinked in surprise for a few moments before grinning widely.

“You’re an absolute genius.” Gwen said. Her eyes continued to scan over the article as she spoke.

Hermione smiled modestly and turned to write an answer on their parchment.  

“It was nothing, really,” she said nonchalantly.

“How did you get Skeeter to write it?” Gwen asked, learning forward. She shook the paper in her hand with emphasis.

Hermione looked up from writing.  

“I persuaded her,” she said.

“She blackmailed her,” Ron corrected.

Gwen turned to look at him. Both Harry and Ron were looking at them. Harry was glaring anxiously at the paper and Ron was smirking at Hermione. Hermione glared back at him.

“Because she’s…unregistered?” Gwen asked, referring to the journalists animagus secret.

Hermione shrugged, a small smile on her face.

“Ruthless,” Gwen commented, before adding “Poor Rita Skeeter.”

Hermione looked up to argue, but Gwen waved her hand.

“I know, I know,” Gwen conceded, “It’s just not the most ethical approach, but I get it. I would’ve done the same.”

“Luna’s dad should be publishing the article as well,” Hermione said.

“Oh, bloody hell…” Ron muttered.

“Be nice,” Gwen said.

She closed the paper and laid it down on the table. She took the parchment from Hermione and quickly jotted down the answer to the next question before speaking again.

“It’s good for Harry’s public image,” she said decisively.

“I don’t care about my image,” Harry grumbled.

“I know,” Gwen acknowledged, “So it’s a good thing Hermione does.”

“Ah,” Firenze called out from the front, “It seems we’ve run out of time. Please deliver your instruments to the front before leaving.”

“I’ll get them,” Gwen offered to Hermione, “Since you do everything else.”

Hermione laughed at Gwen’s teasing grin. Gwen moved towards the front of the room, standing the line that had formed.

It was good that Hermione had taken measures to protect Harry, Gwen thought thankfully. Gwen knew Harry didn’t care about what the general public thought of him and frankly, none of them really did, but the older they got the easier it was becoming for the Ministry to persecute Harry and the rest of them as a result. The older they got, the harder their world became.

Someone bumped into Gwen, causing her to fall into the person in front of her.

“Oof,” Gwen gasped.

“Sorry, Gwen,” Corina Wilder, a Hufflepuff, said from behind her.

“It’s alright,” Gwen said kindly. She waved her hand and turned back around.

She apologized to the person in front of her before looking at them.

“Sorry about th-” She paused.

 Draco nodded coldly at her, but said nothing. He didn’t turn back around though. He remained standing sideways, so that Gwen could look at his profile. She couldn’t casually examine him at this point since they were standing so close. She had to lift her face to get a good look at him because of their height difference.

Gwen chewed on her tongue as she wrestled with wanting to say something but aware of their very public setting.

“Hi,” she murmured quietly.

Draco turned his face slightly towards her before looking away. He swallowed before responding.

“Hi.”

His voice was frigid and distant. Gwen wanted to poke him in the ribs for a reaction.

“How are you?” She continued to press.

“Fine.” Came the short reply.

Gwen’s nervousness was replaced by irritation as she glared at him suddenly. She looked away from him before speaking.

“I’m doing well too, thanks for asking,” she grumbled.

He gave her a brief, sharp look – the equivalent of being slashed with a knife – before responding in kind.

“I know you’re doing just fine,” he said vindictively.

“What does that mean?” Gwen hissed.

In the logical part of her brain, she knew that this wasn’t really a conversation she should be having with so many potential audience members, but she couldn’t help it. She hadn’t had a single moment with him in weeks and she caved his conversation more than she’d care to mention.

“I saw you at the Three Broomsticks that day,” he muttered, “I saw you kiss him.”

Gwen didn’t respond for a moment. Instead she stared at Draco with quiet shock for a few moments. She felt inclined to laugh, but she thought he might not appreciate that so she swallowed and instead spoke calmly.

“Yes, I did kiss him,” she agreed, “I kissed him goodbye.”

Draco scoffed loudly. The girl in front of him turned around curiously and he gave her a harsh glare. Gwen saw the fear cross her eyes before she quickly spun back around and stood rigidly.

Gwen frowned at Draco, fighting the urge to stomp on his foot. He turned to look at her and then smirked, like he could read her mind before remembering their conversation.

“People don’t kiss their exes goodbye,” he argued quietly.

Gwen rolled her eyes.

“Maybe you don’t, but Colin and I did. He loved me and in the end he let me go unselfishly.” Gwen said, shrugging, “So I kissed him to thank him and say good-bye.”

Draco flashed another inscrutable look at Gwen – this one long enough for her to look back at him.

“He let you go?” Draco asked.

“Yes,” Gwen said softly, “He loved me, so he wanted me to be happy. So he let me go.”

Draco nodded and continued to look at Gwen with an emotion she couldn’t identify. They continued to step forward in line, neither of them speaking.

“I could do that,” Draco said after a while.

“Do what?” Gwen asked.

She didn’t look at him while she spoke. He remained quiet until he was next in line to drop his supplies off. He put the beetle and fleece on the table and turned to face Gwen.

“I could let you go,” He said solemnly, “If it meant you’d be happier.”

Gwen said nothing.

She stared at him with wide eyes and watched as he walked away from her. She didn’t even move until Corina gently tapped her on the shoulder from behind her.

“It’s your turn,” she said.

Gwen looked at her before looking back ahead and putting her supplies down on the desk.

“Oh, no,” Corina said sympathetically, “Did Malfoy say something nasty to you? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bump into you.”

Gwen shook her head, relieved that Corina hadn’t been paying attention to them.

“No, I just got caught up in my own thoughts,” Gwen said evasively.

She quickly moved out of line but paused when Firenze called out to her. She cringed slightly before turning to face him. The professor gestured for her to approach him.

Gwen walked over and spoke politely.

“Yes, Professor?”

Firenze observed her for a moment before speaking.

“How was today’s exercise?” He asked her.

A waste of time, Gwen thought.

“Interesting,” Gwen lied.

Firenze smiled, like she had been sarcastic and nodded his head again.

“Some of these practices must feel silly to someone like you,” he commented.

Gwen’s spine straightened and she lifted her chin.

“Someone like me?” She asked. Her tone was imbued with barely veiled accusation.

 Firenze smiled wider, enjoying her show of pride.

“Yes,” he continued drolly, “These are wholly amateur practices for a Seer.”

Gwen opened her mouth to argue, but instead she ground her teeth and crossed her arms.

“I’m not a Seer,” she finally said.

Firenze’s continuous smile turned sympathetic.

“Anyone with three eyes can see that you very much are, Gwen,” he said.

Gwen said nothing. She let her face melt into a smooth mask of detachment and observed Firenze with nothing but vague interest.

Firenze sighed and shook his head and Gwen fought the feeling that she was failing someone.

“Should you wish to accept yourself,” he said gently, “I’m here to help you. I can teach you to control them, to access them, to not be exhausted from them.”

Gwen bit her tongue to keep herself from asking at least fifteen immediate questions. Instead she nodded stiffly.

“Thank you, Professor,” she said.

She quickly turned and walked towards her friends, who were standing and waiting for her. Hermione handed Gwen her bag and looked at her expectantly.

Gwen pursed her lips and shook her head no – a universal sign to all who knew her that she wasn’t ready to discuss it.

They walked back to the castle discussing other things. Well the others were talking, Gwen was quietly stewing.

“Are we still going to be practicing the patronus charm today?” Hermione asked Harry quietly.

“Yes,” Harry said.

Gwen tried not to grimace. For some reason, she had been having a particularly hard time casting a patronus. The idea of a Dementor sucking out her soul scared her, but not as much as having her worst memories coming forward. There were something’s she didn’t want to remember.

As if he sensed her apprehension, Harry nudged her shoulder.

“We’ll work on it,” he promised.

Gwen gave him a half-hearted smile, but said nothing else.

They finally made it into the Room of Requirement and everyone was there when they arrived. Gwen smiled and waved when she made eye contact with Colin, who returned it with an equally friendly smile.

They began to practice the charm immediately and Gwen’s patronus kept coming out as a wisp of light and nothing more. She was getting frustrated and growled loudly. She lifted her arm over head, prepared to throw her wand across the room before Harry came over.

“Okay,” he coached, “Gwen, stop. You’re getting impatient and it’s not helping.”

“I’m not impatient,” she argued.

Harry bit back and smiled and mollified her.

“Of course not.”

Gwen glared at him but said nothing as he gripped her shoulders.

“Just listen to me, okay?” he said softly.

Gwen nodded and closed her eyes.

“The power of a patronus is in the power of your memory,” he began. His voice was slow and and entrancing, allowing Gwen to relax.

“You pick a memory, any happy memory and will it fill you completely,” he said.

Gwen let her mind expand and she picked a memory that inflated her. Her first birthday with Adora.

Adora had made her a bright green cake, as Gwen – in a rare moment of speaking – mentioned she loved the color green. Adora had gotten Gwen books and and music player for her to listen to.

She lit the candles and sang brightly. She kissed Gwen’s face repeatedly. She encouraged Gwen to pull out the candles.

 _“Make a wish,”_ Adora said to her.

Gwen blew out the candles and looked back up at the tall woman who had very quickly become the center of her life.

 _“I love you,”_ Gwen had quietly spoke over the candles.

Adora’s eyes watered and she quickly picked up Gwen and crushed the small girl to her body.

 _“I love you too, Gwen,”_ she whispered into Gwen’s hair. _“I love you so much.”_

Gwen’s wish – to be loved – had come true on that day.

“Cast the spell, Gwen,” Harry whispered. He let go of Gwen’s shoulders and moved aside.

With her mother’s voice still ringing in her ears, Gwen cast the spell.

“Expecto Patronum,” she said quietly.

The light that burst forth from her wand was so electric, it caused everyone around her to squint. A large eagle burst forth from the light and spread its massive wings as it flew throughout the room. It flew around for some time, before moving around Gwen and fading with fanfare.

Silence settled over the room and Gwen blinked a couple of times before looking at Harry.

“It’s an eagle,” Ron said from the other side of her.

“Well,” Hermione responded, grinning widely at Gwen, “She is an American.” 

Before Gwen could respond a cracking sound ripped through the room and Dobby came bounding through.

“She’s coming,” he cried out. Dobby ran up to Harry and pulled on his leg.

“Umbridge, the evil toad,” he continued to yell, “She’s coming!”

Harry responded instantly.

“Everyone, get out now!”

The room immediately turned into a cacophony of yelling and pushing, as they all rushed from the room.

Gwen grabbed her things as Hermione grabbed her arm. Ron quickly wrapped his arm around Hermione and began to pull them all.

“Harry,” Gwen called out.

“Go,” he yelled.

Before she could say anything, Ron pulled her through a door and all three of them took off running. They ran until nothing but their own pants filled the halls. 

Finally, the they hid behind a pillar as the sounds around them faded. They were all breathing heavy when Gwen spoke.

“We have to find Harry,” she said.

“We should split up,” Ron said.

Gwen nodded.

“You two go that way,” she said, pointing behind her “I’ll go this way.”

Without another word, they all took off. Gwen went back towards the Room of Requirement, walking with her wand in her hand at the ready.

She heard a scraping sound and whipped around, wand up. She paused when she saw Draco.

“Where’s Harry,” she demanded instantly.

His face went instantly from contrition to stoicism, as he looked at her.

“Draco,” she whispered, “You didn’t.”

“I had to,” he argued, “She knew I’d be the one to find him.”

“You didn’t have to do anything,” Gwen fought back.

“Of course you’d think that,” he said angrily.

They glared at each other until Gwen spoke again, softer this time.

“I thought it would be different,” she said.

“What would be different?” He asked, deflated.

“This, us,” Gwen specified, “I thought it would be different now.”

Draco opened his mouth and then shut it again. He watched Gwen for a few more seconds before speaking.

“I don’t think it can be,” he said softly.

His voice was heavy and his expression turned back into the face that Gwen couldn’t recognize. She immediately shook her head.

“I don’t believe that,” she said.

Draco’s lips twitched with the hints of a smile.

“You don’t?” He asked. His voice was both hopeful and humored.

Gwen shook her head.

“If we want it enough,” she said, “We’d make it work.”

“We’re very different,” Draco commented.

Gwen pursued her lips and cocked her head to the side as she evaluated him.

“So what,” she said, “What if what makes us different is what makes us necessary to each other?”

Draco’s eyes darkened at the word “necessary” – something Gwen did notice.

“Are you still in love with Colin?” he asked after a while.

Gwen was surprised, but she still answered.

“I was never in love with Colin,” she said, “I care about him – as a friend and a person and I probably always will.”

“Why?” Draco said, “You broke up with him.”

“Those aren’t two mutually exclusive things,” Gwen said, “You don’t have to be in love with someone to care about them.

“Do you kiss everyone you care about goodbye?” Draco asked. His voice went a little surly as he watched Gwen.

She rolled her eyes again.

“No,” she said, “I normally reserve kissing for special occasions, like birthdays and graduations.”

Draco glared at her and Gwen glared right back.

“It’s over between Colin and I,” she said with finality, “You don’t have to like how I ended it and you don’t even have to like that there was something for me to end, but it doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change who I am and how I choose to handle things.”

Draco frowned but nodded.

“You’re very opinionated,” he said.

Gwen smiled mischievously and took a step towards him.

“That’s also something about me I think you find necessary,” she said.

Draco stuck his hands into his pockets and smiled crookedly at her as he nodded. The effect was overwhelmingly boyish and completely adorable and Gwen’s heart thumped a bit harder. His eyes were a bright blue today; they swirled tempestuously as they glowed in his pale face.

“You’re becoming very necessary,” Draco said to her in a moment of raw honesty, “I didn’t mean for you too.”

“I know,” Gwen said, nodding, “I tried to not let you.”

“What do we do now?” Draco asked.

Gwen opened her mouth to speak but paused when she heard running footsteps coming down the hall.

“My friends,” she said. She turned back to look at Draco, whose smile was slightly pained even though he responded easily.

“Another time,” he said.

She nodded.

“Another time _soon,”_ she amended quickly.

His smile turned genuine and soft as he nodded again. If they kept all of this nodding up, they’d snap their necks, Gwen thought to herself.

The running got louder and Gwen could hear voices now.

“I have to go,” she said quietly.

“I know,” Draco said. He was still smiling at freaking smile at her.

Gwen bit her lip to keep her own smile from eating up her face.

“I’m going to go now,” she announced.

“Okay,” Draco said calmly.

Gwen didn’t move for a moment, entirely content watching him smile at her like she amused and entranced him. The sounds of her friend’s voices were distinguishable to her now so she spoke reluctantly.

“Okay,” she said, “Bye.”

“Bye,” Draco responded.

Gwen turned on her feet but paused when he called her name again. She turned her face back towards him questioningly.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “About Potter.”

Gwen smiled gently at him.

“I know,” she said.

“I…” he began, before clearing his throat, “I think it can be different too.”

“It will be,” Gwen promised.

She turned and ran down the hallway. Gwen fought the urge to click her heels and failed. She tapped her feet together twice in giddy joy before she turned the corner and bumped into someone.

“Gwen,” Harry exclaimed.

He gripped her shoulders. “Where were you?”

“Looking for you,” she said. She gave him a quick hug.

“What happened?”

“Dumbledore,” he said, before giving Gwen the entire story of events.

“Merlin,” Gwen said after the whole story, “What now?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, in an effort to accept some responsibility I pledge to post a chapter twice a week on Mondays and Fridays. Also it should be noted that there will be only a total of 25 chapters for this year, so we have four chapters left! So many things need to happen in so little time. I'll give more information about Year 6 as I get towards the final chapter.  
> Anyways, good luck to everyone who's working on final projects and finals - I feel you. Let me know how you guys felt about this chapter!
> 
> ALSO - I'm entertaining the idea of finding a beta to read over these chapters before I post them to catch grammatical and spelling errors. If any of you have done that before or would be interested in doing something like that potentially - let me know and we can talk.


	22. Don't Look Like That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comment, bookmark!!

Gwen was walking Harry to his Occlumency lesson weeks later, discussing the Fred and George’s firework extravaganza that had taken place a few days beforehand. Gwen couldn’t stop laughing as she recreated Umbridge’s face when she realized.

“Her face was like this,” Gwen said. She was still gasping in laughter, as she reared her face back and opened her mouth wildly all while bugging out her eyes.

Harry was laughing so hard that he tripped, causing Gwen to laugh even more. Gwen lifted him up by his arm with one hand and wiped her eyes with the other.

“Oh, man,” she said to Harry, “That’s a memory you should practice on recalling over and over again in your lessons.”

 Harry snorted.

“Snape would love that, I’m sure,” he said.

“He probably would,” Gwen said seriously, “The teachers didn’t seem too intent on helping her that day.”

This made burst into laughter again as they recalled the teacher’s apathetic attempts at calming their classrooms.

“Did you see McGonagall?” Gwen said in awe, “That woman is everything I want to be in life.”

“Me too,” Harry joked.

They were both laughing when they turned the corner and they almost bumped into someone. Gwen looked up and blinked before making her face neutral.

“Oh, hi, Cho,” she said casually.

She saw Harry tense in the corner of her eye.

“Hi, Gwen,” Cho said. Her voice was still breathy and tremulous, but her eyes were focused on Harry.

“Hi, Harry,” she said after a moment of silence.

“Hi, Cho,” Harry said. His voice was short.

“I’ll just leave you two alone…” Gwen began. She attempted to step behind Harry, but he grabbed onto her arm.

“No, you don’t have to go,” he said.

Gwen looked at Cho. Her usually depressed expression was even more so now, but marred with streaks of irritation.

“Harry…” Gwen warned softly.

“I’m sorry that it was Marietta who told on the DA,” Cho said suddenly.

Both Gwen and Harry turned to look at her. Gwen said nothing because she didn’t want to say anything mean. She guessed Harry was staying quiet for the same reason.

“Her mum works for the Ministry,” Cho defended, “She had to tell.”

Gwen always hated that. People that said they had to do something, when it was really just a choice they made. 

“Ron’s father works for the Ministry and he was able to keep his mouth shut,” Harry said angrily.

Cho looked taken aback for a moment before she responded just as vehemently – well, as vehemently as someone as soft-spoken as Cho could.

“It was a dirty trick on Hermione’s part to jinx the paper,” Cho criticized, “Marietta’s face was swollen for days with those awful pimples.”

Gwen glared at Cho, but again she said nothing – this wasn’t her fight.

“That jinx was brilliant,” Harry retorted, “There’s nothing Umbridge should’ve been able to do to justify selling us out.”

Gwen bit back her sudden grin at Harry’s proud tone, but then Cho’s eyes welled up into her signature heartbroken face and Harry said what Gwen wished she could say.

“Don’t start crying again,” Harry snapped.

Clearly taken aback, Cho made a horrible gasping noise and stormed off. She paused a few feet away and glared at Gwen.

“I can’t believe you broken Colin’s heart for _him_!” She shouted meanly before turning and walking away.

Gwen was taken aback by Cho’s sudden attack on her. Harry looked equally angry on his part. His face was blanched with rage and his lips were pressed so tightly together the color had bled from them.

“Forget her,” Gwen said after a while.

Harry looked at Gwen carefully.

“Can you?” he asked quietly.

Gwen looked at him and in response, rearranged her face into her Umbridge reenactment. Harry chuckled at her and Gwen grinned widely.

“Does that answer your question?” She teased.

“Yeah,” Harry agreed, “It does.”

Gwen and Harry made the rest of their way in silence until they reached Snape’s office.

“I’ll wait for you out here,” Gwen said.

“You don’t have to,” Harry responded.

“I don’t mind,” Gwen reassured him, “I’m just going to work on some stuff.”

Harry nodded.

“If you’re sure,” he said.

“I’m always sure, Potter,” Gwen said, “That’s my thing.”

Harry gave her a half-smile before walking into Snape’s room. Gwen turned and slid down the wall next to the door. She pulled out her latest story and dabbed her quill into the ink.

She scanned the last words she wrote to reacquaint herself with the last moment she left off at and then began…

_He began to scale the mountain, clutching onto every stone like a baby to its mother breast. He was flush with a newborn determination of a man bent on discovering his true fate._

She lost herself in her latest story. She scrawled, scribbled, and slashed through words. She grinned at herself as she wrote eccentric dialogue that rhymed and skirted around and then furrowed her brows in concentration at intense moments of reflection.

Writing had come back to her like an old friend. Her fingers were once again covered in ink at all times and she slept easier now. There was something simultaneously soothing and invigorating about writing. It helped to perk up her tired mind when she felt sluggish, but it also relaxed her when she felt frantic. Her work at fiction slowly transformed over the course of weeks. She began far more introspective, far more daring, and far more consumed by the need to express these stories that practically erupted from her mind.

She jumped when someone suddenly sat down next to her. She turned her head and made a bunch of illiterate sounds.

“I…oh…D-did…where…how?”

Draco grinned at her attempts at composure. He watched her lips trying to form her thoughts and dipped his head.

“Take your time” he murmured encouragingly.

This irritated Gwen so she clamped her mouth shut and ignored the roaring pound of her heart – a little from surprise and but mostly because of his sudden closeness. 

She pulled the parchment to her chest and glared at him.

“What are you doing here?” she said.

“I’m here to get Snape,” Draco said, “For Umbridge.”

“Uck,” Gwen scoffed, “What does she want with him?”

“I don’t get to ask,” Draco informed Gwen.

Gwen leaned her head back on the stonewall behind her and examined Draco carefully.

“Yes,” she murmured, “You’re one of her little inquisitor minions now.”

Draco glared at her.

“I’m doing the best I can,” he said.

Gwen raised her eyebrows.

“How so?”

“Well you haven’t seen me deduct any points from Gryffindor have you,” he snapped, “Even though some of them deserved it.”

Gwen frowned at this logic.

“I saw you deduct fifty points from a Hufflepuff the other day for no reason,” she said.

“There was a reason,” he insisted.

“Oh, really?” Gwen said sarcastically, “What was it?”

Draco opened his mouth and closed it again.

“Why does it matter to you?” he grumbled after a while.

“What does that mean?” Gwen asked.

“You’re not in Hufflepuff,” he pointed out.

Gwen scoffed in disbelief.

“So?” she said, “It’s still wrong of you to punish people without cause. It’s an injustice!”

Draco rolled his eyes.

“You and justice,” he grumbled.

“Yes,” Gwen said, narrowing her eyes at him, “Me and justice are close friends.”

“What about you and me?” He asked her suddenly – probably in an attempt to distract her, which worked.

Gwen’s eyes went big as she observed Draco with surprise.

“What about you and me?” Gwen asked. 

“What is our relationship like?” He drawled slowly.

His body was turned towards her now and his knee was pressed into her thigh. She felt flustered and the parchment fell from her chest without her realizing, revealing her work to him.

Draco’s eyes looked down and he plucked the paper from her lap before she could say anything. She let out a horrible yelp and lunged at him since she forgot to charm the paper like she normally did.

He fell back against the wall with a decided “oomph.” Gwen scrambled into his lap as she tried to grab the parchment back from him.

“Give it back,” she practically shouted.

Draco laughed at first, enjoying himself far too much, and wrapped an arm around her waist to imprison her where she was.

Gwen, on the other hand, was not enjoying herself. She felt the embarrassed desperation filled her system as she struggled to grab the story from his hand.

“Please,” she practically begged, “Stop looking at it.”

Draco must have heard something in her voice because he looked into at her. Gwen’s gaze was focused worriedly on the parchment in his hand. Her eyes were wide and glazed with anxiety and she was biting her lip hard enough to break through skin.

“Hey,” he said gently, “Don’t look like that.”

He handed the parchment back to her gently and she grabbed it into her fist with a violent possessive, crushing the paper in her first.

Gwen refused to look at him as she tried to wiggle off his lap. Draco released her and watched as she stuffed the parchment into her bag and sat still. She clasped her hands tightly in her lap and bit her lip. She refused to look up at him and Draco felt like a complete arse.

 “Gwen,” he murmured.

She clenched her hands tighter together and shut her eyes.

Draco acted mostly on instinct as he reached and touched his fingers to her cheek gently. She didn’t open her eyes but her eyelashes fluttered. Draco stroked the smooth skin of her olive cheek, distracted by the feeling of her skin against his finger tips. He was flushed with warmth as he thought about other places where he might touch her and blinked a few times to clear the thoughts from his head.

“Please, look at me.” He spoke so quietly that he thought she might not have heard him at first. She slowly opened her eyes, releasing amber flames as she turned towards him. He saw embarrassment in her eyes and he felt the overwhelming need to soothe her – right here in the middle of the hallway outside of Snape’s office, in the middle of the school where anyone could walk past them.

He moved his hand from her cheek and reached her tightly pressed hands. He gently pried them and laced his fingers through them both. His movements were carefully measured, like she was a wounded animal.

A crooked smile pulled at Gwen’s face as she observed their connected hands.

“You should be careful about that,” she said quietly.

Draco looked at her questioningly and her eyes lit up with mischievous joy. She cast a meaningful glance back down to their joined hands resting in her lap.

“I could get used to this,” she said.

Draco felt his breath catch in his throat. He fought the urge to make her promises about today, tomorrow, and forever. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and press his skin against her so tightly that rain couldn’t even slip between them. Instead he kept his mouth and gave her a heavy look.

Her smile lessened a bit as she observed his intensity and her cheeks blushed slightly in response. His gaze must have been more obvious than he intended.

“You write,” he said instead.

Her smile turned anxious again.

“I dabble,” she evaded.

“That’s what you’re always giving Ginny Weasley,” he concluded. Fitting the pieces together in his head. “You giving her stories.”

Gwen made no indication that he was right or not beyond tightening her lips.

“Could I read some of what you wrote?” he asked.

Gwen let out a baffled laugh-gasp.

“Never,” she said vehemently.

“Why not?” Draco countered. He tugged on their joined hands and Gwen tugged back.

“Because that would be so…” she began, “Much. I don’t know. I couldn’t. I don’t let anyone read what I write. Only Ginny and sometimes Hermione and I only give them the ones I don’t mind showing other people.”

Draco was surprised to learn this.

“You mean your friends don’t know you write?” he asked.

When he said friends he really meant Potter, but he didn’t want to be so outright about it.

“I mean they know that I write, but they know I won’t let them see it so we don’t talk about it. It’s a non-issue,” Gwen said. She punctuated her sentence with a shrug.

“Did Flanner ever read anything you wrote?” he asked.

“Never,” Gwen said, “I don’t even think we ever talked about it.”

“Why not? He was your boyfriend,” Draco argued, for reasons he didn’t know.

Gwen shrugged again.

“It never came up,” she said.

Draco stared at her for a moment.

“Have you had career advice yet? You’d be wonderful at maintaining government secrets,” he said.

The comment made Gwen frown at him with displeasure. She made a move to disengage their hands but Draco didn’t let her.

“I didn’t lie about it,” she said tightly.

“Yes, but purposely withheld,” he probed, “You keep everyone – even people you care about – at a distance. Why do you do that?”

 Gwen looked increasingly uncomfortable with their conversation but Draco made no attempt to relieve her as he continued to press her for answers.

“Why would you intentionally put space between you and your closest friends? People would die for,” he asked.

Gwen yanked her hands from his and she stood up in a clumsy rush. He could her breathing coming in rushed drags as she attempted to regain self-control. When she turned around to face him, her face was cut in stone – so neutral it was clinically uninterested as she looked at him. He’d seen her use that face with her friends, with professors, with strangers, with everyone and it bothered him that she used it against him because he didn’t want her to think of him like everyone else.

So he stepped closer towards her until he could feel the warmth from her body and grasped her face in his hands.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he murmured. His breath was striking her skin and he saw the first crack in her exterior as she lifted her gaze to look up at his towering form.

“Don’t look at me like you’re not really seeing me – like you can’t let me see you.”

Something in his voice caused her mask to crack as her eyes took on that flooded expression. She didn’t cry, but her expression was suddenly so full that Draco stopped breathing. She was beautiful.

“I see you,” she said softly, “Sometimes you’re all I can see. It’s scares the shit out of me.”

Draco’s eyes flashed down her lips before he looked back up to her eyes.

“Gwen…”

A loud smashing sound erupted from the room and Gwen pulled away from Draco just in time for the door to come swinging open.

Snape pushes Harry from the door, only to pause long enough to look at Gwen and Draco with ire before shutting the door.

“What happened?” Gwen asked.

She walked towards Harry with concern.

“I…” Harry said, shaking his head after a moment. “It’s nothing.”

“Harry,” she began, but stopped when he shot her a hard look.

She opened her mouth to argue when Harry’s eyes looked behind her and narrowed. Gwen’s mouth went dry when she realized who was standing behind her.

“Let’s go,” she said loudly to Harry.

“What are you doing here?” Harry said to Malfoy, ignoring Gwen.

Gwen turned towards Draco and gave him a desperate look.

Draco looked at Gwen for a few moments before looking around her Harry.

“None of your business, Potter,” he said coolly.

Harry frowned but Gwen gave his arm a firm tug.

“Let’s go,” she insisted.

Harry looked at Gwen before giving one more dark look at Draco, who was also looking at Gwen, before nodding. Harry took Gwen’s hand and began to lead them past Draco. Gwen watched Draco’s eyes narrow in on Harry’s hand holding hers and she gave him an apologetic stare. He returned it coldly and Gwen fought the urge to throw herself into his arms. They walked past Draco and Gwen subtly reached out and let the back of her fingers stroke the fisted hand resting tensely at his side.

There was no time for her to see his reaction as she walked down the hall with Harry, silently fuming at his territorial display. She wanted to rip her hand away and demand an apology, but she couldn’t without raising questions.

When they turned down into a new hall, Gwen moved her hand from Harry’s and tucked them into her robes. Harry gave her a strange look from the corner of his eye but said nothing. They walked in silence until they got to the Common Room entrance.

“Was he saying anything to you?” Harry said.

Gwen got a sense of déjà vu as she debated what to say. Harry had found her and Draco talking again last year after the third challenge of the Triwizard Tournament. Gwen had been waiting for Harry then as well.

“Not really,” Gwen said.

Her face was perfectly arranged in careful neutrality as they walked stood outside the door with the Fat Lady perched above them.

“He turned me in to Umbridge when we were caught last time,” Harry said. He was watching Gwen’s expression carefully.

Gwen looked at him with raised eyebrows and spoke as-matter-of-factly as possible.

“It’s Malfoy,” she said, “Did you think he wouldn’t?”

Harry half-smiled at that, mollified by her response and nodded.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said.

“Oh, is she now?” The Fat Lady called out, “Because I saw that sh - “

“Nobody asked you,” Gwen snapped at her viciously.

“Well then!” The Fat Lady said, completely offended. She swung open the door and turned around grumbling about “horrible and rude young girls.” Gwen pushed her way and ignore the trembling sensation that it would be her luck to get outed by a bloody portrait.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! Keeping a schedule like a responsible adult or something. Enjoy, my dears! Let me know what you think. The perspective kind of switches throughout this one - let me know if it's confusing or anything and I'll avoid it in the future.


	23. A Choice

Time seemed to fast-forward after that, as Gwen and her friends settled in to take their OWL’s. Gwen did alright in Astronomy, Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts. She did excellent in Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, and Divination, which made her stomach nervous as she read Firenze’s report of her “natural inclination and skill.”

Hagrid had been sacked, McGonagall stunned and hospitalized at St. Mungo’s, and Harry was currently going insane.

They had just finished their History of Magic exam and Harry had just returned from the infirmary, after finding out about McGonagall from Madame Pomfrey. Harry found Gwen and gripped her arm as they walked out.

“I saw him,” he whispered tensely.

“Who?” Gwen said.

She moved his hand from her arm before he bruised her. She tucked back a loose hair that had escaped from her messy braid.

“Sirius,” Harry continued, “I had a vision. I saw him. He’s hurt.”

Gwen frowned. “Where did you see him?”

“The Ministry. I need to get to London,” Harry said. His eyes immediately began furiously scanning the room, as if looking for exits.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Gwen stopped him, “Those aren’t really visions. _He”_ Gwen lowered her voice, not wanting to reference the Dark Lord out loud, “could be planting them like last time. They could be fake.”

Harry gave her a cold glare.

“So you’re the authority on visions now?” He snapped.

Gwen reared back slightly. Although they weren’t the harshest words she’d ever heard, the tone behind them surprised her.

“I think you should find Hermione before you do something stupid,” Gwen said. Her voice was detached, as was her expression.

She turned to leave when she heard Harry sigh and tug on her hand.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. His expression was genuine and torn. “I’m just scared, Gwen.”

Gwen nodded, forgiving him, but still being careful. Harry often behaved like a wounded animal; he possessed a good heart that had been hardened by the harsher elements in life, causing him to lash out at an empathetic hand…and Gwen was as empathetic as they came.

“I see Hermione,” Gwen said. She pulled her hand away from Harry again, gentler this time, but he still frowned at her.

She turned towards Hermione, who caught her eye and immediately made her way towards Gwen and Harry, with Ron in tow behind her.

“What’s going on?” Hermione asked. Immediately getting down to business.

Harry quickly told Hermione everything he saw and Gwen has relieved to see the skepticism on Hermione’s face as she carefully thought of how to approach the subject with Harry.

Gwen was thankful for Hermione, since Gwen herself had never been good at convincing Harry to not do things once he had set his mind to something. She would often demand he get over himself, but when he decided to do something – finding the Philosopher’s Stone, discovering the Chamber of Secrets, or rescuing Sirius – he was determined past the call of common sense. He was bullheaded in that way, but that didn’t stop Gwen from fighting alongside him after all of these years. Regardless of how she felt about Harry’s attitude towards everything, she believed in his goodness. She believed in Harry.

“Harry, has it occurred to you that the vision could be fake?” Hermione said slowly. Unlike Gwen who had spoken the sentiment with obvious skepticism, Hermione broached the sensitive question with the diplomacy of a world leader.

Harry frowned and cast Gwen a quick look.

“It’s not,” he said mulishly.

“It’s just that you tend to…” Hermione began, mulling over her words, “You have a bit of a – a-saving-people thing, Harry.”

Harry raised his eyebrows at Hermione.

“What does that even mean?” He snapped.

“A tendency to dive in headfirst without thinking of the possible repercussions in order to save people you care about,” Gwen said softly. “It’s admirable and one of the things we love about you, but you have to be smart about this, Harry. You can’t help Sirius by walking into a trap.”

Harry looked at Ron to fight his cause, but Ron’s lips flattened.

“They’re right, mate,” he said, “There’s a better way to do this.”

Harry groaned and threw his hands in his hair, tugging on the roots hard.

“What am I meant to do then?” He caved.

The friends sat quietly before Hermione was inspired by a stroke of genius.

“We’ll use Umbridge’s fireplace to contact Grimmauld place and see if Sirius is there,” Hermione said. “If he’s not, then we can make a new plan.”

Harry thought over the plan for a moment before nodding in agreement.

“Someone will have to distract Umbridge,” Harry said.

Ron grinned widely.

“Leave it to me,” he said broadly. “I’ll keep that toad occupied.”

Gwen couldn’t help huffing out a laugh at him.

“I’ll help,” she said.

“No, Gwen,” Hermione said, “We might need you to touch the fireplace. I’ll go with Ronald.”

Gwen whipped her head at Hermione incredulously.

“Touch the fireplace?” Gwen scoff. “What the bloody hell for?” 

Hermione rolled her eyes at Gwen’s dramatic response. “It might trigger you to have an actual vision about Sirius.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” Gwen argued.

“Do you know that for certain?” Hermione asked, crossing her arms. Her point was both annoying and exasperating because Gwen didn’t really know.

“Fine,” Gwen snapped, “I’ll touch the stupid fireplace.”

“Wonderful,” Hermione said, all business, “Let’s get this done.”

With all of the efficiency of a military general, Hermione recruited Ginny, Neville, and Luna to also stand watch as Harry and Gwen slipped into Umbridge’s office and contacted Grimmauld Place.

Gwen and Harry shuffled closely together underneath the silky confines of Harry’s invisibility cloak.

“I think we’re getting too tall for this,” Gwen muttered.

“I might be, but you’re not,” Harry quipped.

Gwen elbowed him harshly in the side, causing him to wince-chuckle. They entered into the office and Harry went dead silent.

Gwen’s fingers tingled nervously as they walked into the empty office and faced the fireplace. Hermione was crazy, Gwen thought, touching it was not going to help.

As if reading her thoughts, Harry spoke. “Do you want to touch it first?”

Gwen couldn’t help smirking. “Try that again,” she advised puckishly.

Harry rolled his eyes. “This is serious, Gwen.”

“I know this is about Sirius, Harry,” Gwen said.

Harry frowned at her attempts to lighten the mood. Gwen couldn’t help it; it was her way of coping with stressful situations. If she was laughing at them, she wasn’t scared of them.

Instead of responding to her, Harry walked to the fireplace and knelt before it. He gave her an expecting look and Gwen let out a huff before hunkering down next to him and reaching her hand out.

She touched the logs, the grate, the ashes, even the poker, but nothing happened.

“Sorry,” Gwen apologized gruffly.

Harry shook his head and immediately contacted Grimmauld Place. After a few seconds, Kreacher answered. His old mottled face looked even uglier in the flames.

“Kreacher,” Harry demanded, “Where’s Sirius?”

Kreacher didn’t answer for a moment and just when Gwen thought Harry was going to dive in headfirst into the flames and choke the house elf, he responded.

“Master Black has gone and did not inform Kreacher of his location.” Kreacher’s voice moved was slow and wiry, like a creaking chair.

Harry opened his mouth to speak but Kreacher cut him off.

“Master Black did not tell Kreacher because he will never return. Master Black will be gone and the stain of the Black family will be removed,” Kreacher said gleefully.

Before he could respond, Harry was yanked forcefully from the fireplace. Gwen had enough time to turn her face sideways, before someone reached forward and grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. With a sharp tug, Gwen fell back and landed on top of Harry with a thud.

She turned quickly and rolled off of Harry. She made it to her knees before she almost reared back into the fire when Umbridge stuck her face right up to Gwen’s.

“Jesus,” Gwen cried out, sounding like her mother.

“Who were you contacting?” Umbridge immediately demanded.

Gwen quickly turned and looked around to see that Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna, and Neville were all being held by the Inquisitorial Squad.

“Seize her,” Umbridge snapped angrily.

Gwen looked at the pair of perfectly polished black shoes approaching her. She gulped, already knowing who it would be.

She gave Draco a hard look as he approached her with a blank stare. Her expression said “don’t touch me” and his eyes said “I’m not here.”

Gwen fought the urge to bite Draco as he reached down for her. She dodged his hands and stood up on her own.

“Don’t just stand there,” Umbridge snapped at Draco, “Grab her!” Her voice was so shrill that Gwen winced.

Draco quickly, but surprisingly gentle, moved Gwen’s hands behind her back and held her there. He gently pulled her wand from her pocket. Gwen made a noise of distress, causing Draco to pause for a second. He looked up at Gwen as Umbridge placed both Gwen and Harry’s wands on the desk in front of them. Gwen instinctively lurched against Draco’s hold, but he held fast. Gwen wanted to fight against him, but her breathing became erratic as he began to stroke her wrists soothingly with his thumbs.

Before she could turn into a puddle, Umbridge began.

“Now then,” she said, eerily calm, “Tell me who you were contacting.”

Harry looked at her with a steely glare. He truly looked terrifying in that moment.

“No.”

Umbridge reared back at Harry’s response.

“No?” she shrilled, “NO?!?”

When Harry didn’t respond, Umbridge reached forward and slapped him in the face. The resounding _crack_ caused them all to start, even Draco jumped. Gwen instantly leapt forward to attack Umbridge, but Draco kept a firm grasp on her hands. Gwen couldn’t turn around at him, so she tugged at her wrists and stomped on his foot.

Draco grunted but said nothing, further enraging Gwen.

“We’ll see what you have to say after you don’t have a choice,” Umbridge hissed at Harry.

“You,” she pointed to one of the Slytherin’s not holding anyone, “Go get Professor Snape. Immediately.”

“Yes, miss!” The skinny boy saluted before diving from the room.

Umbridge smiled evilly at Harry and Gwen’s stomach turned.

“You, foolish boy,” she whispered. “You think you and your friends are a match for the Ministry. Barely a few drops of pureblood between all of you.”

Harry blinked in shock as Umbridge continued.

“The head of your operations are whom? Two abominations – a muggle-born and an orphan. How pathetic.”

Gwen and Hermione both stiffened.

Umbridge, noticing Gwen’s response from the corner of her eye, turned her glazed expression.

“I’ve been doing some research about you, Guinevere Easton,” Umbridge whispered. She began to move towards Gwen slowly. Draco’s hands tightened ever so slightly on Gwen’s wrists, subtly pulling Gwen closer to him until her hands were pressed between them.

“How does a child of magical parentage get abandoned?” Umbridge said quietly, as if it were only she and Gwen in the room. “Unless she were born in shame?”

Only because she was practically flush against him, did Gwen feel Draco’s body suddenly tense. His thumbs stopped their soothing motions and his hands began to shake, as either fear or rage fueled him.

Snape came into the room with his signature bland disinterest. The only indication that scene before him was a strange one, was the raising of a single eyebrow.

“You called me?” He droned.

When everyone turned to face Snape, Gwen slowly turned around to look up at Draco. His expression was one of barely suppressed ire. His eyes were blue fire as they trailed after Umbridge’s retreating form.

His noticed Gwen’s gaze because his eyes flashed down to her. Both his expression and hold immediately softened as he looked into her eyes. His face was instantly concerned and he once again stroked her wrists, as if to reaffirm her that she was okay. Gwen felt something anxiously flutter in her stomach. She could almost forget that he was holding her against her will. _Almost._

“I have need of Veritaserum,” Umbridge declared loudly.

Gwen turned back around to face the scene in front of her.

“For what purposes?” Snape asked.

Umbridge pointed to Harry. “Mr. Potter is unfortunately breaking the rules. He must be punished and he must tell the truth.”

Snape gave Harry a look that could have curdled milk.

“Unfortunately,” Snape began, “You used up the remainder of my stock on discovering their hiding place earlier in the term. As you know it takes a month to brew more.”

Umbridge’s perky face went sour, as she glared at Snape’s blank expression.

Harry suddenly called out. “He’s got Padfoot at the place where’s it hidden.”

They all turned to look at Harry. Gwen’s mouth opened slightly in surprise.

“What does that mean?” Umbridge said, stalking towards Harry before turning around and facing Snape. “What does he mean by that?”

Snape sniffed before replying.

“I’ve no idea,” he said frostily.

He turned and left the room without another word. Silence rang over them for one long moment and Gwen held her breath as Umbridge took a large gulp of air before daintily releasing it.

“It seems you’ve left me no choice.” Umbridge’s voice was sad. She moved with a regretful deliberateness, like a person stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“What do you mean?” Harry said cautiously.

“If you will not tell me the truth,” Umbridge began, “I will have to force my hand. The Cruciatus curse should loosen your tongue.”

She pulled out her wand and focused it at Harry. Gwen opened her mouth to yell but Umbridge cut her off as she continued to talk. Gwen shot a look over at Hermione, who’s expression was fiercely trained on Umbridge.

Gwen only half heard Umbridge as she confessed to being responsible for Harry’s encounter’s with the Dementors over the summer. She only half noticed Draco’s skin pressed into hers. She was only fully aware that they had seconds to do something before Harry was irrevocably damaged.

With a sudden spark, Gwen sniffed twice loudly, catching Hermione’s attention. Gwen widened her eyes and mouthed at Hermione -

_Grawp_

Hermione’s eyes flashed with recognition before she nodded. Just as Umbridge was lifting her arm up, Hermione broke into loud sobs.

“Wait,” she begged, “I’ll tell you!”

Umbridge turned around and approached Hermione with her wand still in attention. Gwen watched Ron pull hard at the boy who held him.

“Harry was contacting...” Hermione broke off with another sob.

“Yes?” Umbridge snapped at Hermione.

Hermione took a shuddering breath – the whole thing surprisingly believable – before speaking.

“Harry was contacting Professor Dumbledore about a secret weapon that we were building for him. We were letting him that it’s done. It’s ready.”

Umbridge’s face lit up and what might have only enhanced some people’s features, only served to further degenerate hers.

“Take me to it,” Umbridge demanded.

Hermione nodded weakly.

“Release her,” Umbridge demanded. Hermione instantly moved towards Harry, lifting him up.

“The two of you will take me to this secret weapon, while the rest of you remain here. Keep them in separate corners.” Umbridge threatened slowly.

She turned and looked at Draco.

“Mr. Malfoy, I can assume that you will keep things in order.”

Draco said nothing, so Gwen assumed he nodded since Umbridge nodded back.

“You two,” she snapped, “Come.”

Hermione and Harry walked after her. Hermione gave Gwen a serious look to which Gwen nodded.

When they left the room, each of the boys led their captives to separate corners of the room. Gwen needed to find a way to speak to Draco without anyone else hearing. She turned and gave Draco a hard look before looking at the desk in front of them.

“I want to sit,” Gwen said.

Draco frowned slightly before nodding. Keeping his hold on Gwen’s wrists, he lowered Gwen to the ground where her friends were no longer able to see them.

The conversation of the boys around them provided Gwen with enough cover to speak quietly.

“You have to let us go,” she told Draco.

He sighed and shook his head.

“If I let you go, she’ll know,” he said.

“No, she wouldn’t,” Gwen said, “We’re always getting away.”

Draco’s lips tightened as he stared conflictingly at her.

Gwen quickly weighed her options. She recognized that one some level, she had a hold on Draco. She could wound him with her words alone. It would distract him long enough so she could reach for her wand and disarm him.

Just as soon as the thought flew through her head, her entire body rejected it. Another time, maybe even a few months ago, Gwen would have done nothing to fight her initial instinct to do whatever needed to be done to save Harry, but Draco wasn’t whatever. Draco was…

 She needed him on her side, she realized. She needed him to choose her over his personal vendetta against Harry and all that he represented. This wasn’t something for them to argue about. It was something for them to decide. It was something for him to decide – if she was worth it or not.

Gwen lifted her head back up to look at him. The way they were sitting, Gwen could feel his warm breath on her face.

“Do you want this?” she murmured.

Draco looked confused before Gwen elaborated.

“Me,” she said, “Do you want me?”

Draco swallowed hard before he responded.

“Yes.” His voice was hoarse.

“More than anything else? More than all of this?” Gwen hadn’t meant to continue like this, but it was suddenly overwhelmingly important to her that he say it.

Draco nodded slowly before repeating.

“Yes.” His voice was barely a whisper now.

Gwen smiled slightly at his answer. She couldn’t help it; her chest erupting in a white light of pure joy. Draco noticeably stopped breathing as he stared at her.

“Then prove it, Draco,” she whispered, “Let us go. Let me come back to you. Let me choose you too.”

Draco opened his mouth but no words came out. He licked his lips and continued to stare at Gwen. Gwen bit down on her tongue to keep from speaking again. She handed him the choice and whatever he chose would set them on their path.

He loosened his hold on Gwen’s hands and nodded. He slowly reached up to the desk and handed Gwen her wand.

“I’ll come back to you,” she promised.

Without another word she stood up and stunned one of the boys nearest to her.

“Stupefy!”

Chaos broke out immediately. Ginny was the first to be released and she immediately began to help Gwen disarm every standing opposition. When they were all free, Gwen began to heard her friends to the door.  

“The Forbidden Forest,” Gwen said to them. They all began to file out of the door when Gwen turned around grabbed Harry and Hermione’s wand.

The rest of them had left the room already. Gwen stood still. Draco was still on the floor, not having moved the entire time. Gwen looked at him, her expression softening.

“I…” she began.

“I know,” Draco finished for her. With a small smile he added. “Now go.”

“And come back,” she added.

Draco’s smile grew as he repeated back to her.

“And come back.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm supposed to be asleep by now, but this is for you and the schedule. Let me know that it was worth it!!


	24. The Prophecy

Gwen, Ron, Neville, Luna, and Ginny sprinted to the Forbidden Forest. Gwen was panting hard and she was sure if she slowed down, she’d hear the rest of her friends breathing just as haggardly as she was.

Gwen saw two figures emerge from the Forbidden Forest and her body prickled in recognition. Ginny reached the pair and she quickly hugged Hermione and gave Harry a worried look.

“How did you guys get away?” Harry asked. He was also panting.

“Gwen,” Neville applauded, “She flinched her wand and stunned Malfoy.”

Harry and Hermione both looked impressed, but Gwen shrugged her shoulders and changed the subject.

“What now?” She asked.

“I need to go to London, to the Ministry to find Sirius,” Harry said. He had that determined look back in his face, like he’d been forged in steel.

Gwen nodded with everyone else. She knew there was still a major risk, but once again she also realized that she’d follow her friends to the ends of the earth, if it meant they could be safe and together.

“We’re in,” Neville said.

Harry hesitated for a moment.

“Ron and I should go ahead,” Harry hedged slightly, “And the rest of you come meet up with us.”

Gwen crossed her arms. “You’re not still trying with that, are you?”

Harry frowned at her and Gwen kicked her foot against the dirt in response.

“When are you going to realize that you’re not alone?” Ginny said seriously.

Harry looked at Ginny’s expression of iron will inscrutably before scanning the rest of the faces around him. He saw Hermione’s determined flash, Ron’s ready bravery, Neville’s quiet confidence, Luna’s serene readiness, and finally settled on Gwen’s aflame faithfulness.

He sighed and nodded. “Alright, but how are we all going to get there? All of the brooms are locked up.”

“What about the Thestrals?” Luna suggested, in her sing-song voice.

Gwen turned and realized that the creatures had been migrating towards their group silently.

“When did they get here?” She asked.

“They probably smelled the blood,” Luna said. She motioned to Hermione and Harry, who were both covered in mysterious blood – none of which was theirs.

“Let’s go then,” Harry quickly agreed.

Neville, Harry, and Luna quickly mounted. Gwen sighed before mounting her own Thestral. Thestral’s made her uncomfortable when she realized the only people who could see them were those who had witnessed someone dying.

It was one thing to know when you had seen someone die, like Harry with his mother, but Gwen didn’t have a memory or story to tell her. She didn’t know what she’d seen or if she’d been old enough to remember it…and if she had been, why was it so terrible that she had to blocked it from her memory?

Her Thestral side-stepped nervously, probably acting off of Gwen’s nervous energy. Luna had dismounted her Thestral to help Hermione, Ginny, and Ron find theirs – they weren’t able to see the Thestrals. Gwen tried not to feel envious of that.

Harry quietly murmured to his Thestral, giving the directions. His Thestral took off and they all followed suit. Gwen loved flying and so even though she didn’t like Thestrals, she still felt elated by the swooping anticipation in her stomach as sailed through the sky.

The flight was brief; the Thestrals were faster than Gwen thought they would be. They eventually reach the Ministry of Magic and Gwen jumped down. She turned and faced the Thestral. It looked Gwen in the eye with its white gaze and she reached out and hesitantly pet its head. The Thestral showed no reaction, but Gwen felt a little better.

“This way,” Harry called to them.

Gwen quickly turned and moved with her friends towards a phone booth.

“What is this?” She asked.

“Ministry visitor entrance,” Ron said. He pushed his way in and motioned for the rest of them to follow.

Gwen grimaced before shoving her way between Neville and Harry. She tried to focus on not breathing in too much of the overwhelming amount of hot air in the booth as Ginny and Luna squished in after her.

“Hurry up,” she snapped at Ron.

He ignored her and quickly dialed the Ministry’s number. The phone booth started spinning and soon they were let out at the front atrium.

They cautiously made their way, unfolding themselves from each other, and walked into the deserted corridor.

“There’s no receptionist,” Ginny commented, surprised.

“There’s no one at all,” Gwen added.

“ _He_ ’s been here,” Harry said quietly.

Gwen felt goose flesh rise on her arms and legs at Harry’s tone.

“Let’s go,” Harry said.

They followed him to the lift and the doors closed behind them.

“All the way down,” Harry said to Gwen, who was standing closest to the buttons.

Gwen pressed the bottom button, plunging the elevator down to the lowest level – the Department of Mysteries.

Gwen wanted to speak, hug someone, or hold someone’s hand to relax. But she didn’t feel like she could do those things right now. Right now they all needed to be brave. So instead Gwen crossed her arms and squeezed her fists.

The doors open and Gwen reluctantly stepped out from the elevator. The further they made it into the Ministry, the worse the tension in Gwen’s stomach became. Something was here…and it was evil.

Her instincts – magical and human – were screaming at her to grab her friends and run, but Harry plunged forward in the darkness knowingly, and so Gwen followed faithfully.

They stood in a corridor with twelve doors, Harry stood unsurely for a moment. The door behind them suddenly shut and the walls began to spin. Ginny grabbed Gwen’s arm in surprise before the doors in front of them halted.

Harry silently moved forward and opened the first one. Gwen walked in after him and immediately made a face of disgust. Lining the walls were shelves and shelves of large tanks – like the ones people use for personal aquariums, but instead of fish there were massive floating brains in each tank.

“This isn’t it,” Harry said.

“Thank Merlin,” Gwen muttered under her breath.

She heard Ginny huff out a laugh and Gwen turned to give her a thankful smile. She needed to laugh to stay calm.

They walked out from the room and Hermione marked it with her wand. Ron reached for the next door and they all filed in quietly. Neville kept his hand on the knob so the door couldn’t shut behind them again.

They stood in a large stone amphitheater. In the middle, was a raised dais with an incredibly old stone archway above it. There was a shimmering veil, floating in it, its moving light seemed to curl, like a hand over a blanket.

Harry went and stood next to the veil and Gwen felt a dread pool in her stomach and she once again clenched her fists – being careful not to touch anything. She’d scoffed at Hermione when she insinuated that Gwen could feel psychic energy in Umbridge’s fireplace. But standing in this room, she had a horrible feeling that if she touched anything, memories that didn’t belong to her would enter her mind.

She looked over at Harry, standing by the veil that looked like curling fingers, except now it looked more like clutching talons to Gwen. She realized everyone else had left the room.

“Harry,” she called out. She didn’t blink as she watched him.

He didn’t acknowledge her at first until she called again. He turned and looked at her and Gwen knew he felt it too. She wanted to call out to Harry that there was something wrong in this room – that there was something inside of this room, but she didn’t. Instead she motioned one of her hands, keeping her wand ready in the other, and called out to him again.

“Come on,” she said as solidly as she could.

Harry slowly made his way towards Gwen and they both left the room, Gwen walking backwards and still facing the veil until the door shut in front of her and they were once again in the circular room.

She didn’t relax completely, but she felt the negative energy fade slightly.

Hermione marked the door and moved to open the next one. She tugged on the handle before turning to look at them.

“It’s locked,” she stated.

Harry moved forward and pulled out Sirius’s knife – the one that could open any door. He inserted the blade into the lock, but to their horror, the blade melted away. Harry tried the door again, but it was no use.

He looked angry for one second before something caught his attention. He walked towards the next door. Gwen noticed a shimmering light coming from the bottom of the frame.

“It’s like my dream,” Harry said quietly before pushing the door open.

Gwen walked into the door and stared.

Inside the first thing she saw was simple bell jar, holding a beautiful little hummingbird. She watched as the bird hatched from an egg and flew to the top of the jar. It hit the top with a thud and fell back down into the egg, which resealed around the bird. Before Gwen had time to react, the bird once again hatched and repeated the fall. She watched it twice more before Luna called out to her.

Gwen pulled her eyes away from the bird and moved after her friends. They moved through the room until they reached a giant chamber, lined completely with shelves. Filling each inch of shelf were glass orbs. Gwen shivered as the temperature dropped substantially around them.

She could tell by the look on Harry’s face that this is what he saw in his dream. Gwen felt eerily electric as she stood in this room of prophecies.

Harry walked around, obviously looking for Sirius. After a few minutes, he turned back to his friends and frowned.

“He’s not here,” he said. His voice was confused and angry.

None of them spoke.

“We should just head back,” Harry said.

“Wait,” Ron suddenly called out. He walked over to one the shelves to the left of Harry and pointed.

In the middle of the shelf rested an orb labeled with Harry’s name on it. Harry began to reach for it but Hermione interjected.

“It could be dangerous, Harry,” she warned.

Harry hesitated before grabbing hold of the orb. They all held their breaths as they waited for something to happen. After a few seconds, someone let out a heavy breath – Gwen thought it might be Harry.

A new voice suddenly broke the silence.

“Very good, Potter. Now turn around, nice and slowly, and give that to me.”

Gwen felt the blood drain from her face as she recognized the voice.

She spoke aloud without meaning to. “No,” she whispered.

They turned around to see Lucius Malfoy and a group of Death Eaters surround them. Gwen watched them emerge from the shadows. All of her friends instinctively moved closer, backs pressed together as their wands were pointing out.

Gwen faced Lucius Malfoy as he walked towards Harry.

“Come now, Potter. Just give me the prophecy and this will all be done with,” Lucius said soothingly.

“No,” Harry denied him angrily, “Where’s Sirius?”

Lucius laughs – a refined scoff.

“You really are pathetic,” he sneered.

The vision was fake, Gwen realized as Bellatrix Lestrange melted from the shadows and stood next to Lucius.

“You thought you could outsmart the Dark Lord,” she mocked, “You, filthy half-blood.”

“Remember Bellatrix,” Harry jeered, “Voldemort’s father was a muggle as well.”

Bellatrix let out a piercing shriek as she glared at Harry. She raised her wand to attack, but Lucius halted her.

“Enough, Bella,” he commanded sharply.

Lucius looked back at Harry and spoke with great patience.

“That sphere contains a prophecy about you and the Dark Lord,” Lucius began, “The Dark Lord could not risk being seen at the Ministry, so he lured you here instead.”

“Why didn’t any of you just come get it?” Harry asked.

“Because only those to whom a prophecy concerns may safely take the orb,” Lucius said coolly, “Any one else will fall insane.”

Gwen had never hated anyone so blindly. As if he could feel Gwen’s baleful glare, he turned to look at her for a moment. Recognition passed over his features as he observed her.

“So you are a blood traitor then too,” Lucius said softly, almost as if he regretted his discovery.

Gwen saw Harry give the signal from the corner of her eye and at the same time as her friends, she reacted.

“Stupefy,” she cursed directly at Lucius.

And then they ran.

They ran through the room without looking, hearing the sounds of Death Eaters behind them. Gwen, Neville, Harry, and Hermione make it back to the bell jar room.

“Where are the others?” Gwen said panting.

“They must have gotten separated,” Hermione said, clearly worried.

Gwen looked back at the small hummingbird, stuck on its perpetually circular pattern of life and death. She wondered why she felt like the bird in this moment.

“Stupefy,” Hermione shouted suddenly. Sending the spell over Gwen’s shoulder.

Gwen only had time to notice the Death Eater on the ground before Neville disarmed another.

“Let’s go,” Harry shouted.

They ran for the circular room and two more Death Eaters appeared. They veered into a side office quickly, still being followed.

Hermione quickly silenced a Death Eater calling for backup and Gwen petrified another. The silenced Death Eater kicked Neville and Gwen heard the violent breaking of a wand and Neville’s nose.

They all continued to run. Blood was streaming down Neville’s face, but he still pushed forward. They finally made it to the circular room where Ron, Luna, and Ginny were waiting.

“Look for an exit,” Hermione said.

They all immediately began looking when Death Eaters poured into the room, led by Bellatrix. Gwen immediately dodged a curse and fired back. Gwen saw Harry, Neville, and Luna quickly run back into the brain room. She made to follow them when she watched a Death Eater appear behind Ginny.

Without thinking, Gwen quickly fired off another spell, stunning the Death Eater. She heard Hermione cry out and before she could turn, she was disarmed and a strong arm came around her.

Gwen lashed out, screeching like a banshee, as she fought against the arms that held her.

“Quiet, you bitch,” Bellatrix screeched, coming towards her.

Gwen continued to fight without hearing her. Bellatrix reached forward and slapped Gwen hard on the face.

Gwen gasped in pain as her head ricocheted to the side.

“Gwen,” Hermione called out.

The stars cleared from Gwen’s vision as she was being pulled into the amphitheater again. They were all being held hostage against the perimeter of the room. Harry was the only one who stood near the Veiled Arch. Gwen went to scream at him to move away from it, but the Death Eater holding her yanked her tightly – choking her.

Harry began to move back towards the dais, as he observes the situation around him. Neville suddenly burst through the door but before he even had a chance, Bellatrix immobilizes him and cursed him. Neville screamed out in pain, causing Gwen to wince.

The Death Eater holding her gave a gruff sound of pleasure and Gwen thrashed against him.

“It’s the prophecy or your friends, Potter,” Bellatrix gloated. “Make your choice.”

Harry walked forward, resignation clear on his face.

“Don’t do it, Harry,” Neville called out before Bellatrix silenced him.

Harry held out the prophecy when white streaks suddenly pierced around them. Gwen felt the impact and the Death Eater holding her flew backwards. Someone grabbed onto her shoulders before she fell.

Gwen looked up and let out a ragged breath.

“Professor Lupin,” she said, relieved.

Lupin smiled before launching another stun. He released Gwen and turned back towards the fight. Gwen immediately began to fight back out as quickly as she could. Gwen looked and saw that Sirius and Harry were fighting side-by-side.

If Gwen hadn’t been turned in that direction, she wouldn’t have seen Neville’s pocket rip and the orb fall to the ground. The shatter resonated throughout the amphitheater before Bellatrix let out another roar.

Gwen watched the wispy vapors rise up from the broken prophecy, like she could feel it in her stomach.

She felt someone grasp her shoulder and leapt, ready to fight before she realized that it was Dumbledore.

Without a word, he quickly apprehended the remaining Death Eaters and Gwen moved towards Hermione and Ron as they watched Sirius battle Bellatrix from behind the massive stones.

This is Draco’s family, Gwen suddenly thought with a shiver.

Sirius cast a spell and taunted Bellatrix loudly. Gwen couldn’t hear what he said, but she saw the wild rage in Bellatrix’s face. She felt the breath leave her body as a green flash burst forward from Bellatrix’s wand and blasted Sirius in the chest.

The world went silent as darkness came over Gwen.

  _She was heaving as she was thrown on her back. She heard falling stone and screams all around her. The sky was lit up with hell and the world was on fire. She pushed rocks out of her way, crying hard as she began searching._

_Seeing a peek of him through the rubble she crawled over to him and moved the rocks from off of him._

_“Draco,” she begged. “Wake up. Please, wake up.”_

_She shook him hard, lifting him off the ground for a second. The rubble fell around them as she continued to yell. “I don’t care about anything else. I need you.”_

_She pulled at his shirt. Her hands were covered in blood and dirt. The castle exploded to her side and she covered his body with hers._

_Coughing in the smoke, Gwen tried to lift him._

_“Wake up, dammit! I can’t do this without you,” she cried angrily over him. Her tears falling onto his mud soaked face._

_“I need you,” she repeatedly yelled at him. “Wake up! Please!”_

_She rested her forehead against his. Her tears making their faces stick together. She pressed her shaking lips against his lifeless ones._

_“I need you,” she cried quietly against him._

“Gwen!”

Gwen blinked and stared without seeing.

“Are you okay,” she heard someone say, as hands passed over her face gently.

She finally made out Hermione’s worried expression. She slowly pushed herself up, ignoring the woozy feeling in her head.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Sirius…” Hermione said, but her voice cracked, “Bellatrix, she killed him. You fell.”

“I saw…” Gwen began before clamping her mouth shut.

She closed her eyes and let out a heaving sob. Hermione grabbed Gwen and hugged her tightly. Gwen felt guilty because Hermione didn’t know why she was about to cry, but she swallowed the rest of her grief as she focused on the feeling of holding her friend in this moment – when they were both safe.  

“Where’s Harry?” She asked, pulling back from Hermione after a moment.

“He’s with Dumbledore,” Hermione said, “ _He…_ the Dark Lord was here. He escaped.”

“Is Harry okay?” Gwen asked worriedly.

“He’s safe now,” Hermione said.

Both girls knew what she really meant was that he was safe _for_ now.

“Come on, girls,” Tonks said kindly over them. “We need to go.”

Hermione offered to help Gwen up, but Gwen shook her head and stood on her legs shakily. She stared at the veil once more and shivered hard.

“Let’s go, Gwen,” Hermione said quietly behind her.

Gwen turned slowly and walked towards Hermione and grasped her hand. Hermione squeezed Gwen’s hand back and together – bruised, bloody, but holding on to each other – they walked out.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE CHAPTER LEFT! This weekend is going to be hellish (finals, anyone?), but posting these chapter is what I look forward to. I'm running a race in the morning so I have to go sleep. Let me know what you guys think, okay?? I'll read them before I run tomorrow and it'll help motivate me haha.


	25. One Step Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ END NOTES FOR INFORMATION ABOUT YEAR 6 - COMING SOON!

Everything had gone back to normal, or at least as normal as they could be. Dumbledore had been reinstated, Umbridge had been removed, and the rest of the staff had returned to Hogwarts for the end of the year feast.

Gwen had hardly left her friend’s sides since that day at the Ministry. She originally told herself that it was because they all needed her, that she should be with them right now. She knew that was a lie. The truth was that _she_ needed _them_ ; she needed to know that they were safe.

Only time would ease her anxiety, so Gwen relaxed into the need to hold her friends close to her right now. The never minded when she became like this. If anything, they all needed to be held.

They were all currently on the train, heading back home. Their fifth year had officially ended. Gwen lifted her head off of Ron’s shoulder to look out of the window, watching the rolling green hills fly past them.

She thought of her last train ride home over the holiday break. She’d still been dating Colin. She’d been so confused and miserable during that ride. It felt like years, rather than months ago. So many things had changed since then.

Gwen flushed slightly thinking about the biggest change in her life. She was still confused by how not-confused she was. Actually no, she was confused by how not-conflicted she was. Gwen knew, beyond all reason, that she wanted him. She wanted to be with Draco Malfoy.

But he might not want to be with her anymore.

His father was in Azkaban right now because of what Harry and the rest of them had seen. Gwen had no doubt that he’d be out soon, but still it was a reminder of reality. It seemed her desires were at a constant battle with reality. She thought about the vision she saw in the amphitheater.

_I need you._

She’d kept shouting that at him. She’d never heard her voice sound like that before – so desperate and raw. The idea of needing someone like that should have scared her or at least worried her slightly. Instead she felt tingly at the idea that Draco could need her as much she felt like she needed him; it was almost too much for her reasonably process.

The thought alone was enough to melt through her stoic expression. She had to physically bite her lip to keep from grinning widely. Butterflies swooped through her stomach, causing her to clench her fists in an attempt to bottle up her happiness.

“Why are you smiling?” Harry asked.

He was sitting across from Gwen, next to Hermione. Gwen turned to look at him with a blank face and wide eyes.

She spoke in strategic confusion. “I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” he insisted. There was a smile in his voice, like he was confused at her deflection.

He hadn’t smiled in a while, Gwen noticed.

“I’m just excited to get home,” she said smiling again. Another truth. A different one.

Harry nodding, knowing full well that Gwen loved her home and her mother more than anything else.

“We’re almost there,” Hermione assured her.

“Speaking of which,” Gwen began.

She stood up quickly and announced. “I’m going to the loo.”

Gwen quickly moved past the rest of her friends, nearly tripping over Ginny’s legs (who cackled slightly at Gwen’s glare), and closed the compartment door behind her.  Gwen slowly made her way back through the empty train corridor, swinging her arms in thought as she passed different compartments. Some of the drapes were open and others were closed, but the corridor was quiet as everyone was locked in with their friends, trying to hold onto the last of the school year before summer holiday.

The restrooms rested between every corridor. Most halls were separated by the different houses, but people didn’t care too much. The only house that really didn’t intermingle were Slytherin’s, who sat in the corridor right next to most of the Gryffindor’s.

Gwen finally made it to the restrooms. The boy and girl restrooms were separate rooms, right next to each other. Gwen had made the mistake of accidentally walking into the boy’s restroom during second year. She’d stared at a urinal for five seconds before realizing and running out. A few people had seen her as she ran out and the story quickly circulated the train, but Gwen was so apathetic about the whole thing, the story dissipated before they’d arrived to the castle.

That was the trick with stories, Gwen learned. The only to put out a flame was to not care about it.

Gwen reached to open the restroom and paused when the door of the boy’s restroom suddenly swung open. She looked up and smiled in wondrous delight.  

“Tell me you believe in fate,” She said instantly.

Draco laughed. His blue eyes focused on her upturned face.

“I’m not sure yet,” he admitted.

“I’ll convince you,” Gwen promised.

Draco smirked. “I’ll let you.”

Gwen blushed hard under his heady expression, an unusual reaction for her. Seconds moved by before Gwen remembered everything that had transpired in the last week or so. She turned, forgetting her bladder, and moved towards the windows across the small train corridor.  

She stared out of the window for a few moments, trying to collect her thoughts before she spoke.

“I’m sorry about your father,” Gwen said quietly. She didn’t think she was really sorry, but she felt like they needed to talk about it.

Draco said nothing for a moment. “Are you really?”

Gwen bit her lip before shaking her head no.

“What I meant is that I’m that he’s your father,” Gwen clarified. Her voice was careful, but honest.

She held her breath, waiting for the anger, the indignation, anything. Without realizing, she’d decided that she was never going to lie to Draco. She did want to act with him; she just wanted to be.

She was still facing the window, trying to make out something concrete in the green blur moving outside. When Draco said nothing, Gwen spoke again.

“That’s why I didn’t find you after,” she said, “I didn’t know if you wanted me to.”

She heard Draco approach her. His feet make muted thuds against the carpeted ground.

“He’s my father, Gwen,” he said quietly. His voice was resigned.

Gwen nodded. “I know that.”

“I can’t…I just can’t.” 

“I know that too,” Gwen said again.

They were both facing the windows now. Neither of them spoke because it felt like the only thing left to say was goodbye.

“I don’t know what to say,” Gwen told him truthfully.

“What are you thinking?” He asked.

Gwen smiled slightly.

“Something I don’t want to say.”

“I know,” he repeated back to her.

 

She turned and looked at him. He matched her crooked smile with one of his own. His eyes were twinkling and Gwen could’ve sworn that she could see her future reflected in them.

Silence came over them again, as Draco’s smile faded. His expression went cloudy as he stared at Gwen.

“It’s probably for the best, right?” Draco asked her. “That it stops here before it get’s too hard to walk away?”

Gwen felt moisture gather in her eyes. She couldn’t help it. She turned and looked back out of the window to hide her expression.

“Is it not hard for you right now?” She responded quietly. “Because it hurts like hell for me.”

Draco said nothing as he absorbed Gwen’s words.

“What else can we do besides walk away?” He asked her. His voice was desperate, like he was begging her for a solution.

“We could try,” Gwen suggested, but Draco was already shaking his head.

“It wouldn’t work,” he said, “We live different lives. People expect completely different things from us. We’re destined for opposite sides.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in destiny yet,” Gwen pointed out.

“Gwen,” Draco ignored her, “It won’t work. It’ll be too hard”

The more he said it, the more Gwen felt the need to fight back. He’d given up before they’d even given in. The idea that this would end here filled her with something akin to rage, except she felt more scared than angry.

“That can’t be the reason,” she said to him fiercely.

“What do you mean?” Draco asked.

She turned to face him then – all righteous anger and conviction.

“The fact that’ll be hard is not enough of a reason to keep us apart,” she said angrily. “The only way I’ll accept you walking away is if you do it because you don’t want to be with me.”

Draco stared at her like she was crazy.

“Is there anything for us to walk away from though?”

He spoke reasonably, further incensing Gwen. It could have been a cruel statement, had he not still looked so lost. “I mean nothing’s really happened.”

Gwen had to remind herself that Draco didn’t see everything that she saw. She’d never felt this way about anyone before and she didn’t really know this Draco that stood in front of her. She knew a Draco that she saw in the future. She realized her visions weren’t absolute; they were possibilities, and this was one possibility she was willing to risk it all for. She’d been given a path to follow and she intended to do so.

“If we want this, it _will_ work,” she insisted, “So I’m telling you right now that I want this to work. Because I want you, Draco. I want to fight _for_ you. If this ends here, it’ll be because you walked away, not me. I’m in. I’m here.”

Draco had been still the entire time she was speaking. By the time she finished he was looking at her like she had grown another head. He closed his eyes for a moment and then, like he counted to three in his head, he opened his eyes and Gwen felt her stomach drop as he spoke his final resolve.

“It’s just not that simple, Gwen.” Came his death sentence.

She saw steel in his eyes. He had built another wall between them and she was going to lose him, she realized. The panic overwhelmed her and she acted instinctively.

Before she had the time to weigh the potential detriments of the situation, Gwen was grasping Draco’s face, wrapping her hands around his jaw, pressing her fingers into the back of his neck, and pulling him down towards hers.

When their lips touched, they both stilled.

Gwen kept her eyes closed, but she had the feeling he was staring at her. She almost sank to the ground when she felt his hands shakily come to gently cradle her face.

He broke their kiss for a moment before resealing their lips almost immediately – this time with a promise. Gwen’s hands moved from his face to fist themselves in the front of his sweater, securing him to her. Their lips began to move in time with each other.

His tongue swiped the seam of her lips, begging for entrance which Gwen happily gave. His tongue moved into her mouth, in cool sweeping sensations. His hands still held her face as he gently ravished her mouth and soul.

He nipped at her lips as a new fervor came over him and he tangled his fingers in her hair, musing the tangled strands as he secured Gwen closer to him. Gwen wrapped her arms around Draco’s sides, pressing her body flush to his.

They broke apart slowly, as Draco slowly kissed her top lip and then her bottom lip before sealing her lips with one more soft kiss. He pressed her forehead against hers as they both breathed harshly.

His breath hit hers in rapid strikes and Gwen couldn’t help but smile. She tightened her arms around Draco’s sides and spoke with conviction.

“It’s you, Draco Malfoy,” she murmured. “I think it was always meant to be you.”

He shuddered against her and moved his lips to her forehead, whispered her name against her flushed skin. He moved his arms to wrap around her waist and pulled her against his chest. Gwen’s arms instinctively moved wrap around his chest as she lay her cheek comfortably against his chest.

“You’ll be the end of me, Guinevere,” he said darkly on top of her head.

“You’ll enjoy every minute of it,” Gwen promised teasingly.

She knew it was a serious moment between the two of them, but Draco hadn’t actually said that he was going to give them a chance. Thankfully, he responded well to her jokes by huffing out a laugh over her head before sobering.

“Are you sure you want this, Gwen?” he asked seriously.

Gwen pulled back to look up at him. His eyes were guarded and wary, as if he expected her suddenly pull back and jinx him before running back to her friends laughing and waving a Gryffindor flag.

“I want you,” Gwen said. “That’s all I’m sure of.”

Draco nodded and continued to stare at her. Gwen broke his gaze and pressing her cheek against his shirt again, speaking quietly into the fabric.

“It would ease my anxiety a little, if you could also tell me whether or not you wanted this,” she said.

Draco’s hand came from her waist to gently cup her chin and pull her face back up to him.

“I don’t think I’ve ever wanting anything more,” he said to her. He was watching her tenderly now. His face and eyes filled Gwen with an infinitesimal warmth that flushed her cheeks and quickened her heart.

“Kiss me,” she ordered him with a whisper.

He smiled crookedly before obliging. Their kiss this time was slow, careful as they tested out the waters. Draco’s hands tightened around Gwen’s waist, squeezing her sides as he pulled at her mouth with his own.

Gwen’s hands moved to his neck. She felt a tremor run through him as her cool fingers grazed his skin before she wrapped herself fully around him. Gwen felt like she was catching on fire and being cooled at once. She only managed to not implode from sensation by being too caught up in it to notice.

A corridor down the hall opened, the screeching sound had Gwen and Draco both pulling away from each other.

Gwen turned around and saw that whoever had stepped out still had their back towards Gwen and Draco as they spoke to their friends, clearly not noticing Gwen Easton and Draco Malfoy snogging by the loo.

Gwen turned quickly back to Draco, who’s pale skin was uncharacteristically flushed. His eyes flashed blue lightening as he watched Gwen as his chest was still heaving slightly. Gwen bit her lip to keep from throwing herself at him again.

His eyes immediately went down to Gwen’s lips and his eyes heated up again. Before either of them could speak, Gwen heard the person who stepped out walking towards them.

She heard their steps falter, probably because Draco’s face turned into an ice-cold glare as he looked at them. She gave him a glare of her own and waited until they came into her line of sight.

It was a boy Gwen didn’t know, but he looked young – maybe a second or third year. She gave him a tense smile as his eyes went big in fascination as he looked at her.

“You’re Guinevere Easton?” The boy asked excitingly.

Gwen grimaced slightly. “Yes.”

“You’re best friends with Harry Potter,” he said, “Is it true you just defeated the Dark Lord with him?!”

Gwen ‘s grimace turned into a frown as she stared at the young boy. She didn’t know how to respond so she just continued to watch him with discomfort, but it didn’t last long as the boy continued to talk about how great Harry how.

“Harry Potter is the Chosen One, they say. I don’t know who they are, but everyone says it. They see he’s seen the Dark Lord and beat him! You’re so lucky to be best friends with him. Or are you his girlfriend?”

Gwen saw Draco physically tense in the corner of her eye.

“No, I’m not,” she corrected him.

“Oh,” the boy said. He turned to look at Draco Malfoy, his eyes widening in fright.

“You’re…” he said before stopping.

“The bathroom is open,” Gwen said, a bit sharper than she meant to.

The young boy looked at Gwen and nodded gratefully. He quickly dived into the bathroom and locked the door behind him.

Gwen turned to look at Draco, who was looking at the ground. His expression was taunt and shuttered. The flush had faded from his face, making him resemble marble once again.

Gwen hated that he looked like that. Like he hadn’t just been alive a few moments ago. She stepped towards him and gently stroked his cheek.

“You know,” she said lightly, “I never thought I was into the bad boy type.”

Some boys would probably not have reacted all that well to a statement like that. Gwen knew that Harry hated being called a hero and she had no idea how Draco would react to her joke.

The crooked smile he gave made her heart clench with joy. His eyes lost some of their weight and he once again looked animated.

“All bad boys?” he drawled.

“No, it’s very Draco Malfoy specific,” Gwen said seriously.

His smile turned into a grin as he shook his head.

“Do you really think I’m a bad boy?” He asked. The question was said lightly, but the question felt important to Gwen.

“No,” she said honestly, “I think you’re a good person who’s expected to do bad things by bad people.”

Draco’s smile faded as he watched Gwen with unblinking eyes, like if he closed his eyes for even a millisecond he’d miss something.

“I think you might be wrong,” he said slowly.

Gwen smiled gently and stood on her tiptoes to give him a sweet kiss.

“Add it to the list of things I’m going to convince you of,” she murmured.

Draco smiled, laughing through his nose, and pressed his lips once more to hers. It was more of a pat than a kiss, but it still lit Gwen up.

“We’re almost to the platform,” Gwen said.

“You should go,” Draco said.

Gwen nodded but didn’t move.

“I’ll see you over the summer,” she said more than asked.

“Alright,” Draco agreed immediately.

“Summer officially starts tomorrow,” Gwen continued.

She smiled at him teasingly as he laughed at her shamelessness.

“Tomorrow,” he promised.

Gwen felt the need to groan as she fisted her hands to keep from touching him.

“I think you might need to walk away first,” she told him.

His eyebrows quirked up. “Why’s that?”

“Actually I’ll walk away,” Gwen said before warning him, “Don’t call my name.”

Draco nodded with a slight smile. Gwen eyed him before forcing herself to turn around and walk away. She took about five steps when Draco quietly called out to her name.

Without thinking about it, she whipped around and threw herself into his arms. She kissed him with a desperate need that exploded from her every nerve ending.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her feet off of the ground as he kissed her back. Gwen could feel that he was smiling against her lips. She tightened her arms around his neck and stroked the back of his hair gently.

It was only the sound of a toilet flushing that had Draco placing her gently back on the ground. His voice was husky as he murmured gently to her.

“Go on,” he said.

Gwen nodded wordlessly and gave a shaky breath. She turned and walked down the corridor before pausing and turning to look at him. He smiled softly at her; an expression she returned before continuing to her compartment door and going inside.

“Where have you been?” Ginny asked Gwen as soon as she walked in.

“Huh?” Gwen asked. Her head was a little cloudy as she sat back down.

“Where you in the bathroom this whole time?” Ginny asked perplexedly.

“Oh,” Gwen said, remembering that she was supposed to be in the bathroom, “Yeah, I was.”

Ginny opened her mouth to make a comment, but Hermione cut her off.

“Are you alright, Gwen?” she asked, “You look a little flushed.”

Gwen touched her burning cheek gently and nodded, unable to frown like she wanted to.

“Yeah, I think I just ate something that didn’t agree with me,” she lied.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Ron asked.

“Like what?” Gwen asked bewildered, trying to stop smiling but failing.

“Like you can’t stop,” Ron said. Again hitting the nail right on the head.

“Why am I being interrogated?” Gwen snapped suddenly.

“You’re not,” Hermione said reasonably. She, unlike Gwen, could frown right now.

“Sorry,” Gwen immediately apologized, “Stomach.”

It wasn’t really a lie, Gwen thought. Her stomach was still in a bundle of excited nerves. She didn’t want to know what she looked like right now. Probably bright-eyed, tangled, and flushed. Maybe her friends would just think she threw up instead of getting the best kisses of her life.  

The train let out a long whistle as it rolled to a stop. Getting off the train was always a race for Gwen, but she felt reluctant this time, as she looked fondly back over the bathrooms – like she expected Draco to still be there.

They came off the train and Gwen immediately saw Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. Mrs. Weasley immediately hugged Ginny before giving Gwen a big hug.

“I thought I saw Adora earlier,” Mrs. Weasley said.

Gwen smiled. “I’m sure she won’t be too hard to find.”

As soon as Gwen spoke the words, her mother’s tall figure appeared in the crowd. People seemed to move from her path as she walked, not because they were afraid of her, but because her presence simply demanded it.

“Mom!” Gwen called out.

Adora smiled brightly as Gwen rushed to her. Adora wrapped her arms around Gwen and lifted her up in a tight hug.

“I missed you,” Adora said happily.

“Me too,” Gwen said with feeling.

Adora looked at her for a moment before her gaze became speculative.

“You look different,” Adora commented.

“Different?” Gwen squeaked.

“You’re burning,” Adora said.

“Well it is summer,” Gwen teased.

Adora rolled her eyes before tapping both of Gwen’s temples.

“Your eyes – they’re on fire,” she said seriously.

Thankfully Gwen didn’t have to respond as Hermione appeared, distracting Adora as she hugged Gwen’s best friend. They all quickly congregated together as they Harry’s uncle waddled over.

Gwen never liked Harry’s Uncle Vernon. She frowned darkly at his oddly superior expression.

She almost laughed at the Weasley twins broke out into a long series of mild threats as they demanded that Uncle Vernon treat Harry better.

When he was plum-colored and sweating, the twins finally grinned and Fred patting him firmly on the back.

“And don’t worry,” he said chillingly cheerful, “We’ll be around to make sure you’re doing your part.”

Gwen bit back the laugh she felt rising as Vernon gave Harry a dark look and muttered that he’d be in the car. Gwen turned to give Harry a hug, a laugh escaping her then.

She pulled back and smiled at him. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Promise?” Harry asked.

“Of course,” Gwen said easily.

“You look different,” Harry commented.

Gwen bit back the urge to huff irritably. Did she really look that different after a few kisses? Well, a few mind-blowing, soul-altering kisses.

“It’s just the lights in here,” Gwen evaded.

“You mean the sunlight?” Harry asked.

Gwen waved her hands flippantly. “Yeah, that.”

Before he could reply, Gwen moved to hug everyone else before she and Adora made their way towards the exit with Gwen’s trunks.

“I’m ready to sleep in and read all day,” Gwen told Adora.

Adora smiled widely at her spirited daughter. “You’ll get bored.”

“And I plan on enjoying it,” Gwen said seriously, causing Adora to laugh.

Gwen’s steps faltered slightly as she caught Draco’s eyes in the crowd, causing her suitcase to hit the back of her shoe and making her trip slightly. Gwen couldn’t help the embarrassed blush that came over her face. She wanted to smack herself in the face.

Draco was smirking at her as he looked at her with bright eyes. He was standing a careful distance away from his mother, who was also watching Gwen. When Gwen made eye-contact with Narcissa, she was surprised to find that her stare was oddly regretful. Gwen would have expected her to be angry or cold, knowing Gwen was partly responsible for sending Draco’s father to prison, but instead she looked like she’d lost something.

Adora wrapped her arm around Gwen’s shoulders.

“Home?” Adora asked.

“Home,” Gwen said softly, before nodding her head with conviction. “Yeah, let's go home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Year 5 is officially over! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and it was everything you were waiting for. I originally wrote their first kiss very differently - it was actually one of the first scenes I wrote for this story before it was even a story - but over the last year, these characters changed and so their first kiss had to change to. Their situation, their institutional oppositions, are dramatic enough. Gwen and Draco are people who will find solace in the small moments of everyday life. 
> 
> It's officially finals season for me. I just turned in two separate 20 page papers this morning and I have a few more things due in the upcoming weeks so I'm going to take a quick break before launching into Year 6. I have posted a small prelude to Year 6 though so make sure that you've bookmarked that story so you'll get the notification when I post the official first chapter!! I plan on posting the first chapter of Year 6 on Monday, May 9th. So be ready my beautiful people and as always let me know what you're all excited for in Year 6!!


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